“New” seems to be a relative term with regard to my comics pull this week. Marvel rehashed the babyfied X-Men and the Spidey clone saga, Image icons Todd McFarlane and Robert Kirkman joined forces to create a strangely familiar “new” character, and Warren Ellis picked his nose and the Interwebs rejoiced.

The X-Babies have always been a silly aside that nobody ever needed or asked for, but that doesn’t mean they can’t offer some harmless fun–they’re essentially Super Hero Squad version 1.0. In this latest X-Babies outing, the pint-sized heroes run around punching things in a cute way and meet up with characters from the old Star Comics imprint, thanks to Mojo’s mojo. Aside from a deep love for Spider-Ham (who may appear in later issues, unclear), I have zero nostalgic connection to the Star characters, but I do find Jacob Chabot’s art to be easy on the eyes and fun to look at. I think it’s safe to say the plot is secondary to the cuteness in this series, but for $3.99 an issue (for a four issue mini), cute alone doesn’t cut it. These cuddly mutants could fart pink puppies on Norman Osbourne’s head, ending the Dark Reign, and I probably wouldn’t touch issue 2. Fingers crossed for that possible Spider-Ham appearance.

As for the non-pork variety of Spidey–last week, I griped about Marvel’s do-over version of the Clone Saga, a change-nothing rehash of the 90s disasterpiece. I wished instead for a fresh Ben Reily story by the new creators involved with the weekly Amazing Spider-Man series. I guess I should pay closer attention to the previews, because that is exactly what we get in ASM #608–an old enemy of Ben Reilly’s comes looking for the presumed dead clone in Spideyville, thinking Peter Parker is Ben–the man who killed his family. This premise is exactly the kind of Brand New Day approach to revisiting old nonsense I wanted. Of course, there’s a downside to my wishful thinking, in that this first issue in the story arc was by far the most convoluted issue of ASM I’ve read since coming back as a regular reader a few months ago. Hopefully, this is just the creators intentionally channeling the original clone trainwreck, proving just how dedicated they are to recapturing that unreadable mess of an era in Spider-Man’s history. So, points for effort and intent, but if you’re looking for a break from the weekly web book, now’s probably a good time to save those duckets.

And speaking of Spider-Man rehashes (because this blog is all about Spider-Man-based segues)…Todd McFarlane–forever connected to his groundbreaking artwork on Spider-Man years ago, including character-defining visuals on the popular Spidey villain Venom, and later to the creation of the iconic Image series Spawn–has joined forces with Robert Kirkman to introduce a brand new hero to the Image Universe who looks a heckuva lot like Venom, with just a hint of Spawn. Throw in a dash of DC’s Firestorm, whose hero identy also involves the merging of two separate non-powered people, and you’ve got Haunt. Haunt looks like the kind of character I would have “created” in one of my school notebooks back during McFarlane’s heyday, inspired by his work on Spidey or Spawn. I’m not knocking McFarlane for channeling his past work here. I have no problem with the creator borrowing elements from other characters–especially his own–a little familiarity is a good thing. But it’s the twists and tweaks that will make or break this character–and Haunt has plenty of those. First of all, the book is violent, more so than I remember from Spawn, and less cartoony than Invincible (where face exploding bloodbaths are so common and inconsequential they barely register as “violent” anymore). This first issue of Haunt has a nice double-decapitation intro to the title hero, with small bursts of chunks-o-flesh flying violence throughout the book. Secondly, the protagonists are of questionable moral character–brothers, one a hooker-loving priest, the other a dead mercenary not afraid to flip the script on a mission. That’s right–dead. That’s the other twist to the hero formular–Haunt’s powers are supernatural, some sort of ectoplasmic manifestation (as opposed to alien webbing or symbiotic demon goo) that comes about when the dead brother jumps into his holy man brother’s body. The strained-at-best relationship between the brothers is straight out of the Gavin family playbook from the TV show Rescue Me (one of my favorites), which could make for an interesting ride as the two butt heads while trying to get to the bottom of and get a grip on their new powered persona. The book was a solid attempt at creating a new “hero” from old parts, and the creators involved have more than enough credit with me to earn another visit next month.

I’ll also pick up next month’s Strange Tales, from Marvel, but this week’s second issue gave me that same feeling as issue one, where I can’t help but wonder if some of the creators involved in the Indie anthology are making fun of me and my mainstream super heroes. This issue was actually more balanced in favor of respectful homages and clever new perspectives on the Marvel Universe than the first book in the mini, but one piece in particular really irked me. Tony Millionaire–love him to death for his whacked out visions in Maackies and Sock Monkey, and his more appropriate to the theme rag on Batman and Robin in the Bizarro World anthology–opens Strange Tales #2 with a just-plain-dumb Iron Man strip that reads like a Dick Tracy or Batman parody that shows no understanding or appreciation of anything that I’d ever relate to Iron Man. It isn’t surreal or satirical of anything. It’s just Iron Man fighting a guy with baloney for a head. Sure, there are some funny lines about baloney, but…WTF? I may need to seek therapy to get to the root of why this series has me so defensive and guarded.

But Tony Mil’s annoying opener gave way to exactly the kind of fresh perspective I wanted to see from this series, a piece by R. Kikuo Johnson about the awkward father/daughter relationship between Alicia Masters and her dad, the evil Puppet Master. Well drawn, quirky, clever…and the bit could fit in as a lighter moment in the Marvel Universe proper. I hope to see more of that in issue three, and less of the tired jabs at superfolk from the underground.

The biggest book of the week was the biggest disappointment for me. Planetary #27, the final chapter in what many a hyperbolic, sycophantic fan has declared the greatest comic series ever, was three years in the making by Warren Ellis and John Cassaday–and it felt like it took three years to read it. Cover to cover, the book was all technobabble and exposition about plotpoints I forgot two and a half years ago, all leading to a non-ending ending where the Planetary trio promises to live forever and continue their adventures and blah blah blah. Whatever. I liked this series for the clever way it presented different pop genres and classic characters from issue to issue, and I thought the evil Fantastic Four cast as the series big bads was epic. But the lead characters have never resonated with me, the greater plot of the series has always been too easily forgotten from issue to long-delayed issue, and, even though I absoloutely appreciate how good Ellis and Cassaday are at what they do, I’ve always felt this comic was way overrated.