In every treasure map worth its salt, X always marks the spot. Always. In fact, you can’t have a treasure map with an X that doesn’t mark the spot, or God forbid, no X at all. If you wanted to keep your treasure hidden, you wouldn’t have made a map, after all.

In the Marvel Universe, X marks the mutant. Not all of them, mind you, but the important ones get marked. Like they’re some kind of treasure unto themselves. And sometimes, these treasures are little more than diamonds in the rough.

X-men #200 came out this past Wednesday, and there is a fantastic David Finch gatefold cover that features almost every single member of the X-men ever. Almost. Yes, they have lesser known X-men like Maggott, Lifeguard, Changeling, Cecilia Reyes, Slipstream, and even Stacy X, but they’re missing some important guys too. Guys like Sunder, Paulie Provenzano, and Beak. Yes, Beak. The X-men have a long (looooong…) and varied history, and there have been many, many squads during this history (sometimes three at a time), so I don’t blame Finch or the editors for forgetting (or perhaps merely leaving out) some of these guys, but I feel they deserve to be honored as they heroes they were, even they were only X-men for like two seconds.

In Uncanny X-men #250, most of the team of the era (which included mainstays such as Psylocke, Colussus, Storm, and Havok, among others) went through the Siege Perilous instead of fighting the Reavers and their leader ex-White King Donald Pierce. This meant that for awhile, there really wasn’t any X-men at all (except for Wolverine and his kid sidekick, and best X-man ever, Jubilee), but the Reavers were still looking to kill some mutants, and without the X-men (or Excalibur or the New Mutants) around, the most obvious choice was Muir Isle.

Beginning in Uncanny X-men #254, and ending only an issue later, Dr. Moira MacTaggert had to put an X-men team together with whoever happened to be on the island at the time in order to repel the Reavers’ attack. This meant the most human-heavy X-squad of all time. Ex-police officer Tom Corsi and nurse Sharon Friedlander, both long-time supporting cast members, as well as Brigadier Alysande Stuart, who had been looking for her brother Alistaire Stuart (he had been gallivanting across myriads of parallel worlds with Excalibur) were non-powered humans in X-uniforms whooping cybernetic ass. Also on this team was the sorceress Amanda Sefton (who may or may not be a human, I can’t recall), the Morlock Sunder (on Muir Isle after the events of “Mutant Massacre”), and resident crazy person Legion (Xavier’s son suffering from MPD). Sunder and Legion did an admirable job of saving the Warpies, at least until Legion went crazy again. Rounding out the team were Polaris (in her She-Hulk form after fighting off Malice possesion) and Banshee, the only two people had any real experience in the super-hero business.

Even though these people didn’t really know each other, were mostly new to the game, and really would have rather been doing something else, they nonetheless managed to defeat the Reavers without any loss of life. Except of course for Destiny, who showed up with Freedom Force and Forge to help out on the island, but she was killed by Legion, so it doesn’t really count. After this arc, the focus shifted to Wolverine and Jubilee in Madripoor, as they rescued the now Asian-ified Psylocke, and the de-aged Storm in Cairo, Illinois, as she runs into a certain cajun mutant, and this team of X-men was never heard from again, though the individual members showed up from time to time. Some still do, actually.

The next unknown team of X-men appeared during the “Eve of Detruction” storyline (which ran through X-men #111-113 and Uncanny X-men #392-393), in which Magneto, the ruler of Genosha, had kidnapped Charles Xavier, and there were precious few X-men left to go rescue him. In fact, the only ones around were Wolverine, Cyclops, and Jean Grey. Wolverine and Cyclops had already been dropped in Genosha as the point/stealth team, leaving Jean behind to recruit a whole new batch of X-men. And what an eclectic mix of mutants she recruited. There were never-before-seen mutants as well mutants who’d never before been X-men, and Jean’s recruitment style was a little… iffy. Jean first recruited Johanna Cargill aka Frenzy, a former Acolyte and current Genoshan ambassador to the United Nations. Frenzy’s being held by a few Pentagon spooks when Jean comes to take her away, but what could possibly make Cargill, a devout Magneto worshipper, turn and help the X-men rescue Xavier? Hurm…

Jean then recruits Northstar, the gay Canadian elf-looking guy, for his first stint as X-man, as well as newbies Hector Rendoza and Paulie Provenzano. Hector is a Boston kid who’s skin is invisible all the time, until he moves the effect to somebody else and does something screwy with their brainwaves at the same time (I only mention it because it becomes important later). Paulie is an invulnerable mafioso in Brooklyn trying to muscle in on somebody else’s turf when Jean comes calling. Sunpyre shows up at the mansion later, and Jean says she was hoping for Sunfire instead of the sister he never mentioned, but she’ll take what she can get. Rounding out the team is Dazzler, who shows up at the door looking the worse for wear (apparently the Mojoverse is all fucked up because of some X-babies or something).

Fast forward a few issues and everybody’s in Genosha having a party. These interim X-men aren’t really giving Magneto a run for his money or anything, but they are surprising the hell out of him. When Magneto tries to rip Paulie apart using the iron in his blood, it turns out he can’t because “invulnerable really means invulnerable.” These guys don’t save the day as much as they buy time for another one of Magneto’s acolytes, Amelia Voght, to save the day by turning on Magneto and freeing Xavier, who then uses his telepathy to stop Magneto’s powers. Wolverine then guts him for the first in a long line of Magneto deaths that are quickly retconned.

These new kids don’t stay on, and Paulie and Hector are never seen again. Northstar joins up full-time later on (during Austen’s run), Sunpyre joins Banshee’s X-Corps (also during Austen’s run) before being garrotted by Mystique, Dazzler goes back to the Mojoverse to save her husband Longshot, and Frenzy… actually, I don’t know what happened to Frenzy after Jean totally took control of her mind. As far as I know, she just disappeared. I guess it’s possible that she went back to Genosha in time to get killed by a bunch of feral sentinels the very next issue, which is when Grant Morrison’s awesome run began.

The final unknown team of X-men appeared in the “Planet X” storyline (which ran from New X-men #146-#150). Magneto, who had hidden himself within the X-men as Xorn, had remolded Xavier’s Special Class into his new Brotherhood, taken over Manhattan, and had all but killed the X-men (Wolverine and Jean Grey were flung into the sun and Beast and Emma Frost were shot down over the Pacific).

In the third issue, Beak had the temerity to remark on wrong this all was, and was flung out of Magneto’s high-rise base for his troubles. He successfully flew for a little while, thereby saving his life before crashing into the streets below. In the next issue, he’s found by E.V.A. (after getting beat by a couple of Magneto-followers for his shoes) and taken to a rundown, old structure where the Three-in-One give him medical attention. The Three-in-One used to be Five, but one of them died and another one joined Magneto, hence Three. Beak asks aloud if there aren’t any X-men left, to which Cyclops replies if he will do.

Cyclops quickly puts together an X-team from the people around him. His X-men end up being Beak, Dust, the Stepford Cuckoos, Fantomex, his nervous system/flying saucer E.V.A., and Officer Foster, the NYPD mutant liason. In the final issue of the arc, these X-men once again don’t really save they day. They buy time, and put up a hell of a fight, but Jean, now with the full powers of the Phoenix, as well as Wolverine, Beast, and Emma Frost show up and finish what Cyclops’ team started. Wolverine ends up killing Magneto again, this time by lopping off his head.

After this, Beak was conscripted by the Exiles (and then was de-powered and recruited by the new New Warriors), Dust and the Cuckoos stayed at the Institute, Fantomex played a role in the War of the Programs over in Weapon X, and Officer Foster was never heard from again.

What’s my point with all of this? X always marks the spot. Always. Even when you don’t wear the X for all that long, or are a mutant even. An X on your belt (or on your chest if you were designed by Jim Lee or Frank Quitely) denotes you a hero. Sometimes you save the world, sometimes you save a couple of helpless mutants, sometimes you save yourself.

Sometimes you get some bling. X marks the spot, right?

P.S. This post’s title should be simple enough to get even for you non-literature majors. Ever watch a muppet movie?