Let’s face it, The Punisher is not a complex character. Perhaps the simplicity is exactly why he’s endured in the Marvel Universe for so long. When so many Marvel characters are defined by extraordinary powers and the issues and conflicts they face with regards to those powers, the Punisher is simply a man who lost everything, and just wants to make criminals pay in blood. You’d think this would be the easiest character to translate to film. Well. . .

Back when Marvel had this knack for licensing out their properties exclusively to studios that were on the verge of going out of business, the first attempt to bring The Punisher to live came with Dolph Lundgren. He certainly had the physique, but brawn will only get you so far, even in the 80s era of unapologetically dumb action movies. While it had its moments, most people seem to focus on the lack of a skull logo, the lack of good acting, and on a lesser note, the lack of clothing, as one scene features Frank Castle meditating bare-butt naked in a sewer!!! I know the character is supposed to be emotionally “dead inside” and all that, but it doesn’t mean he should be risking dysentery!

2004 saw a new Punisher film that actually saw theatrical release, starring Thomas Jane. Again, it’s only enjoyable on a moment-by-moment basis, and as a whole, plays out more like The Count of Monte Cristo than a straight-forward revenge flick. We don’t want to see the Punisher trick his enemies into killing each other, we want to see him PUNISH PEOPLE!! Although I did get a kick out of him shoving a knife up some guy’s chin so you could see the blade in his mouth. Other than that, the film suffered from trying too hard. Too many variables complicated Frank’s origin, and led to such ludicrous scenes as Frank’s entire extended family being slaughtered by gangsters at his family reunion! What makes the scene even more ridiculous is how absolutely bloodless it is! Barring all that, whose bright idea was it to release it on the same weekend as Kill Bill Vol. 2?!?! I guess Lionsgate and Marvel could take pride in the fact that it wasn’t nearly as bad as Man-Thing!

So here we are, four years later, with Punisher: Warzone. Like The Incredible Hulk, the idea is to not accept this new film as a sequel or a remake, but a “re-imagining”, hence the roundabout subtitling. Yeah, whatever. They FUBAR’ed the last flick, and they’re too chickenshit to admit it. Thomas Jane was all set to star in this film, but they took too long and ultimately went in a direction he didn’t like. In any event, we’ve now got Ray Stevenson, and I’ll admit, it looks like the role suits him. He’s not nearly as buff as Lundgren, but there’s decidedly grit to him than Jane. The film also brings Frank back to the dark gritty streets of New York (or Montreal doubling for New York), probably because fans cried like babies when the last film took place in sunny Tampa, Florida. Then there’s the wild card, Lexi Alexander. I’m sure some might balk at the idea of a woman directing a Punisher film, but this chick is comparable to Katheryn Bigelow when it comes to directing films sure to inspire bouts of masculine grunting and homoerotic floor wrestling. Watch Green Street Hooligans (just “Hooligans” in the UK), and marvel at her ability to make Elijah Wood look like a certified badass you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley. Allegedly, Alexander had to fight to keep the film as bloody and brutal as it appears to be in what little footage I’ve seen. The headshots alone are beautifully disgusting!

Could the third time be the charm for The Punisher? Hard to say, but I’m willing to give this new film a chance. I think it’s a matter of managing one’s expectations. At the end of the day, we know it’s not going to be Shakespeare, but one has to wonder, how much leeway can we really give this film? How much bad acting can we tolerate? How thin is too thin when it comes to the story? How visible should the skull be on his chest?!?