Josh Green and Dave Roman, Cryptic Press

I intentionally hate most things so that my love, when it does come, will be pure. In more concrete terms, I hate most mincomics so I can love Teen Boat.

“The ANGST of being a teen–the THRILL of being a boat!” the cover of every issue proclaims, and that just about sums it up. Young Teen Boat lives a high school melodrama somewhere between Archie and 90210, except he is also a were-boat for some reason. Teen Boat maintains a very precise and difficult tone, always playing it straight enough that it could be a real teen farce, but always going a half step too far. And then he turns into a boat. The closest comic I can think to it in tone is Nibot and Coover’s Banana Sunday.

In issue 7, released this month, Teen Boat learns that ladies prefer cars to boats (“Call me if you ever get some wheels,” his crush tells him), and so he decides to get a drivers license, a feat made problematic by his utter bewilderment at land transportation. Before he gets into the car he puts on water wings, and—look, either you think the idea of a teenager who turns into a boat is hilarious or you don’t. But you ought to.

With clear, simple, artwork and engaging character design, Teen Boat would seem to be an obvious choice to be scooped up by Oni or Slave Labor. Maybe it just prefers the unpretentious minicomic format, which is kind of a shame, since if there’s one property I’d love to see sellout, it’s Teen Boat. I mean, it’s a teen comedy, it practically begs to be a movie and a Happy Meal merchandising campaign. Really, I just want a boat toy…