DARK AVENGERS #11: Sigh. I just have a soft spot for the Molecule Man, I’m sorry guys. And I really think Bendis has hit his groove with this title, mixing his patented naturalistic dialogue with action, perfectly complemented by Mike Deodato’s moody art. Plus, in this issue, we get some painted pages by Greg Horn, and I don’t know the last time I saw interior art by the guy, but it looks great. This is a great looking comic, lots of fun, and I’m going to be a little sad to see it go (assuming it does, in fact, go after the upcoming Siege event).

DARK REIGN: THE LIST – AMAZING SPIDER-MAN: Adam Kubert draws an amazing Spider-Man (no pun intended), but I guess you wouldn’t expect anything less from the guy. First off, I’ll say its a smart move by Marvel to use Mr. Kubert on specials and short runs, rather than promising he can deliver a monthly book. That’s another win in Mr. Wacker’s column, in my book. And this book looks great. Reading wise, Dan Slott turns in another near perfect Spider-Man script, perfectly melding character moments, old-school fun, and good story. Except, and I’m going to get back on my soapbox now that we’re done with this “List” event… Basically nothing happens. In the grand scheme of things, I mean. The one List book that had a major event was The Punisher, which by all accounts was, I think, a high mark for Rick Remender, The Punisher, and Marvel in general. Not that every issue of The List needed to hold up to that standard, but I wish there was some sort of moving the story forward, that something had happened. There is a minor victory for Peter Parker towards the end of this book, and its a nice moment, but honestly, is Parker leaking a video on the internet really going to show up as a plot point in any other book?

It’s frustrating, because I would really, really like ASM: The List to be the biggest and baddest part of this mini-event, but it just can’t be, because… You can’t have Spider-Man win that big. Spidey can’t actually reveal Norman’s true villainy to the world, because that would mean Spider-Man was revealed as a world-wide hero. There’s ways around that, sure, but Spider-Man works best when everybody hates him. So he can’t win that big, he has to win, but kind of lose. And he can’t kill Norman, because he doesn’t kill. Plus, we got to save that for Siege, right? My point is, as a fan, I still think of Osbourne as Spider-Man’s villain, and I feel like Spidey needs to take him down, but given the character, and the layout of the Universe, that just can’t happen. So instead, I’m frustrated.

Anyway, great looking issue, solid read, if you want some pretty Kubert art, pick it up.

DEADPOOL: MERC WITH A MOUTH #5: This title is growing on me, but veeeery slowly. Not to sound like a broken record, but considering you’ve already got Deadpool and Headpool in the book, it seems unnecessary and repetitive to even include the Deadpool double narration boxes. I’d rather just see those two bicker and be done with it. I also like how The Gisch is filling out the supporting cast with fun riffs on previous DP continuity. I’m curious to see where this goes after this arc, and hopefully, it can forge its own way, and move out of… Way’s… shadow.

INCREDIBLE HULK #604: You know that feeling when you take a deep breath and let it out, and how relaxing and refreshing that is? That’s what having Greg Pak back on the Hulk is like. A breath of fresh air, or at least air you’ve breathed before that feels fresh again. Or something. Anyway. Banner, Skaar, and Warbound vs. The Leader? What’s not to love? Pak keeps adding his own take to the Hulk mythos, and shows why he’s the best writer of the character since Peter David. Love this series, pick it up.

MIGHTY AVENGERS #31: Dan Slott and Christos Gage bring it all together to end out the best arc of this title in a good long while. Classic Avengers action, classic avengers moments, great fun shout outs and good actions pieces. My only caveat is that the art seems a little crowded, but that’s a quibble when its so much fun to just see heroes being heroes, and all working together to save the day. Fun.

NOMAD: GIRL WITHOUT A WORLD #3: As nice as it is to see Sean McKeever back at Marvel, working in high school (where he excels), this just isn’t grabbing me. It ain’t bad, by any means, its a well crafted comic book, but I guess I just don’t care enough about Rikki Barnes yet. Ah well.

PUNISHER #11: Tony Moore and Rick Remender working together is a-okay with me. And this Frankencastle storyline gets to an insane, over the top start, as you might expect. Love it.

REALM OF KINGS: Abnett and Lanning have one of the most complex, yet easy to follow road-maps for their cosmic books I’ve ever seen. And it all kicks off in spectacular fashion in this one shot. I thought they couldn’t take the action and danger to another level. I think I was wrong. Love these books, love the direction of them, and I love the focus that’s happening throughout. Great stuff.

REALM OF KINGS INHUMANS #1: On the other hand… There’s a killer last page to this issue, but otherwise, it’s one of the more snooze-worthy Inhumans mini-series in a while. Granted, the characters are in a place where they’re all miserable, and for the first time in a long time, they have a real status quo that can’t immediately be broken, but it feels like the backbone of this cosmic universe has moved on to Nova and Guardians of the Galaxy.

THUNDERBOLTS #138: Jeff Parker makes his debut on the title, and while I love the Parker, this won’t knock anyone’s socks off. However, he continues the feel of the past few issues well without missing a beat… I’m just looking forward to him maybe blazing his own path. And maybe bringing in a few A-Listers. It feels like this title needs a new mission statement, and soon.

WAR MACHINE #11: The little title that could keeps chugging along, and though I THINK it’s canceled already, Greg Pak has made a fascinating uber story that has done a lot to build up Rhodey’s character, and define his supporting cast. It’s too bad this won’t be around in the long term, because in Year Two, it feels like it could have gotten quite good.

WOLVERINE WEAPON X #7: I’m totally loving this storyline, with Logan caught in the world’s most disturbing lunatic asylum, scared and fighting for his life. Sure, it’s not the most original story of all time (it’s been done in Buffy, for one), but I’m completely caught up in the mystery, and can’t wait to find out how Wolvie ended up there. Kudos to Jason Aaron for turning in another solid arc.

X-MEN LEGACY #229: Speaking of little engines, I still don’t get what this title is about (other than secretly The New Adventures of Rogue and Gambit), but Mike Carey, as always, chugs right along with a solid story that pays tribute to Generation X, one of the much beloved, much forgotten pieces of X-history past.

The real champ this week was Spider-Man, who managed to star in both my favorite and least favorite books in the pull.

So we can end on a positive note, let’s talk about the stinker first. Spider-Man: Clone Saga #1 kicks off a six-part retelling of the original Spider-Man disasterpiece. Long before Peter Parker was an organic-web-having spider totem, Norman Osbourne making evil secret Euro-bastards with Gwen Stacy, and Mary Jane was showing sympathy for the devil, Marvel Editorial was trying to ruin your friendly neighborhood hero. The original clone saga was an intriguing concept–resurrect an old plotline where Spidey was cloned by the Jackyl, with the clone come back claiming to be the real thing–but everyone involved lost control of it. Anyone following–or, let’s be honest, trying to follow–the story in its initial offering assumed that the creators had an ending in mind, that there was some sort of guiding vision driving the narrative…but as the legend goes, whatever ending had been pitched (if any true ending had ever really been pitched) was thrown out the window by editors trying to squeeze as much cash from the convolution as they could. A few issues of clever storytelling with an unexpected twist ending would have been fine, but we got a sloppy epic built around new characters, tossed out continuity, confusion over controversy, and a non-ending that took too long to arrive at and pretty much negated the whole experience. The mess was ultimately a frustrating uneventful event. Marvel had a great opportunity to revisit past mistakes when it launched the Ultimate line of comics–and Ultimate Spider-Man writer Brian Bendis definitely managed to reimagine the clone saga in a way that was convincing and entertaining and satisfying to Spider-fans. Bendis made it work.

So why does Marvel think we need yet another revisionist take on a bad storyline, only this time with no chance for a happy (different) ending? Bendis had the freedom of a new continuity, an alternate-universe Spider-Man, and the ability to change both the journey and the destination. The creators behind this new apologist version of the clone saga may have figured out a way to clean up the path, but it is still going to lead to the same place. Do we need this comic? Did anyone ask for it? I’d much rather see Steve Wacker and the Amazing Spider-Men take their crack at cleaning up this old mess. And they’d have ever right to want to make sense out of how the Scarlet Spider Ben Reilly, Kaine, and MJ’s pregnancy scare fit into the post-One More Day continuity. I don’t want to know how the clone saga was “originally meant to be told.” I want to know how it fits today.

Wacker’s crew of weekly Spidey creators are doing fine work tugging on old plot threads in Amazing Spider-Man, with #607 winning me over for favorite book of the pull. Because I’m overdue for a corny plun, let’s just say that Joe Kelly and Mike McKone’s Black Cat really purrs, making the best argument for why Marvel Editorial felt a need to abolish the Peter/MJ nuptuals. When it comes to male power fantasies, there’s nothing quite like a little guilt-free costumed shagging between villain fights. I can take or leave Peter Parker’s love life dramatics, and I would have preferred a simple divorce plot to write him out of the MJ marriage…but now that “Brand New Day” MJ is back in Parker’s life and he is torn between rekindling a spark with her, moving on to one of the all-new all-different ladies in his supporting cast, or just petting the kitty in a no-strings-attached fling with Black Cat. This two-part Black Cat arc has finally bumped me off the fence on this series. ASM has become a romantic comedy with face kicks and explosions–and I like it.        

You may recall from earlier in the week, I loved me some Giant Sized Old Man Logan. I even went so far as to suggest that the mini-series could be the best–or at least my favorite–comic of the year.

But then I read the rest of my weekly pull, and remembered just how good Greg Rucka and JH Williams’ run on the Batwoman-centric Detective Comics has been. The previous issue wasn’t as good as their stunning first issue, but this latest–issue #857–was great. Stellar art, excellent action, and a tense, tight plot involving weapons of mass destruction, jumping from planes, rapid-fire character development, and plenty of face kicking. I still couldn’t care less about the Question backup story, though, which I suppose could be considered a knock against the book as a whole.

Another comic contending for book of the year is Fantastic Four, which I started reading again this year for Old Man Logan-mastermind Mark Millar’s run, but I’m definitely staying for the Hickman. New writer Jonathan Hickman (along with artist Dale Eaglesham) has actually one-upped Millar’s think big, then go bigger approach to the FF with what has so far been a great ride, with a focus on Reed Richards learning that maybe there is such a thing as doing too much good. or maybe just too many Reeds doing all the good.

We can’t forget Marvel Zombies Return–yet another good time that I’m having with a mini, and this one is weekly! I won’t pretend this book is in contention with any of the above for “best of the year,” but it has been a blast. True to it’s name, it is a definite return to the twisted fun of the original Marvel Zombies series.

I loved Amazing Spider-Man #606, too. I know for some it may feel like the creators are just repeating beats from old Spidey continuity, which might be considered a step back. But I missed the boat on the original Spidey/Black Cat episodes from back in the day, but I’ve always liked the idea of that relationship, enjoyed the way it was recently reimagined in the Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon, and welcome it back to the comic proper. Black Cat has a fun personality to read and, as far as drawings go, she’s not too hard to look at either. It’s also worth noting that Mike McKone’s artwork in this issue is right up there with the rest of my favorites for the week.

Speaking of great artists and spider-themed spandex, I picked up the print version of the Brian Bendis/Alex Maleev Spider-Woman on a whim. See, I tried watching the motion comic version–which was the whole big deal about this comic in the first place (it was  written and layed out specifically with the motion comic platform in mind), and I didn’t like it. I couldn’t get through more than a minute of the motion version…something about the slow pace and the not-what-I-expected voice acting turned me off right away. I guess I just like my comics on paper, though, because reading it the way comics were meant to be read left me liking the book just fine. I’m a fan of Bendis, even if all his characters sound the same and all his books are decompressed. I’m an even bigger fan of Bendis when he’s writing for Alex Maleev, who manages to compliment the scripted mood, character beats, and bursts of action so well. I’m willing to stick around for a few issues just to enjoy the creative collaboration, even if I don’t know that I particularly care all that much about story they’re telling.

I also don’t care all that much about the plight of the Marvel mutant,these days, but I do think Matt Fraction is, at the very least, writing the best Cyclops I’ve read in a while. Uncanny X-Men has been on the cusp of droppage for a while, but there’s always some clever twist or strong character moment that tricks me into caring just enough to come back the next month. Fraction’s Cyclops won me over for at least one more issue.

Robert Kirkman will get me back for another issue, too, for Invincible, but this week’s issue #66–focusing on Invincible’s dad spilling secrets about the dwindling Viltrumite empire to Allen the Alien–was all exposition and quite dull. It’s all big important information that will be relevant later (you know, when characters get back to punching faces off), but the issue felt like a space filler.

And speaking of space fillers…what happened to my one-time favorite comic–Mike Allred’s Madman?! I picked up issue #17, which I think is the last issue of the current series, before some sort of relaunch I absolutely will not buy. What a self-indulgent load of boring, unentertaining blecch. The art is beautiful and playful and quirky as always, but it’s the writing that kills it for me. I am so happy Allred has taken to doing more work-for-hire art in the Marvel and DC Universes, because either I grew out of Madman or the book has just gotten dumb. I guess if you read it as a lost chapter to Red Rocket 7–rather than a relevant or representative part of the usually adorably awesome Frank Einstein’s–you might not hate it as much as I did…but I didn’t like RR7 all that much either. C’est la vie.

That’s all for this we…Oh, I almost forgot–New Avengers #57. The fact that I forgot it, even though it is in the stack of books I keep looking over at as I write this, doesn’t reflect well on it, but I promise, I didn’t dislike it. But it was only an okay read. Despite a ton of characters, good and evil, getting all sorts of sreentime (pagetime?), and assorted subplots related to Dark Reign threading through this book each month, not all that much of anything ever happens in this series. It is the worst example of Bendis’ bad habit for decompressed storytelling. Stuart Immonen is a welcome addition to the creative team, illustrating Bendis’ ongoing epic about the kitchen table in Bucky Barnes’ safehouse/Avenger’s HQ. If I were pinching pennies, this would definitely be another very droppable book, simply because it feels like it goes nowhere each issue, no matter how good (or okay) each issue is. 

That is all for my week in comics. How was yours?

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #606: The Black Cat returns! This isn’t a spoiler, because it’s in an ad in every Marvel comic. And, you know, the cover. Anywho. I’m kind of getting repetitious with beating the “Spider-Man is as fun as it has ever been” drum, so here’s one particular aspect of this issue I found surprising in a negative way: it felt like a big step backwards for the Black Cat. Not that I don’t love the her and Spidey romance issues (creepy roof-sex aside), but she’s grown a LOT as a character in the intervening years, and doesn’t really deserve to find herself back with Spidey, yet again. Yeah, weird, I know. Other than that, relatively fun issue, but also a slight step down from the creepiness of Van Lente’s excellent Chameleon arc, and the gang-busters over-sized #605.

ANITA BLAKE, THE LAUGHING CORPSE – NECROMANCER #5: This preview had, without a doubt, the longest file name I’ve ever seen.

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #28: Though this series continues to be good, it’s suffering from what a lot of books get after the main purpose, and the main creative team move on… This used to be the backbone of the Marvel U, and I used to recommend it to anyone who wanted to know what was going on in Marvel comics. It was a great refresher, good character stories, and great art, issue after issue. It still has most of that, but it’s no longer the backbone, it’s more of a, I don’t know, what’s an unimportant bone? The skull? Well, anyway, the series is still reflective of what’s happening in the Universe at large, but it no longer seems to be effecting it. I’m curious to see whether this title will stick around in the long run.

DARK REIGN: THE LIST – X-MEN ONE-SHOT: As a gigantic fan of John Byrne’s work on Alpha Flight and the Fantastic Four, there’s a page in here that absolutely killed me and ripped my heart out like nothing else I’ve read this week. Beyond that, Matt Fraction turns in a reliably solid story directly following off the Utopia cross-over, and though I usually swoon over Alan Davis’ work, this was not my favorite issue he’s ever done. And in the larger view, I’m finding that this List event, while a solid series of comics, is not really delivering the lasting change that was promised. Like most of Norman Osborn’s projects, its all spin.

DARK X-MEN: THE CONFESSION ONE-SHOT: I would contend that this issue goes in the exact opposite direction of what you’d expect to happen. I’d also contend that maybe this is a good thing. And for those of you expecting big action, well… It’s called the Confession, not the Explosion. Nice one, Zalben.

ENDER’S SHADOW: COMMAND SCHOOL #1: All of these series so far are very, very good, but the books about Bean are a step above. I wouldn’t say this issue is necessarily a good jumping on point, but both of the Command School books are far more focused than the Battle School books. Makes me want to read the actual novels, and that’s a compliment.

FANTASTIC FORCE #4: Two points about this: 1) I wonder if, in Hickman’s book, when Ben and Johnny visit Nu-Earth, this series will be referenced at all, and 2) Last page has the most ridiculous, over the top thing Wolverine has ever done in the entire history of published Wolverine comics. This is not hyperbole.

FANTASTIC FOUR #571: The promise of last issue’s final page is fulfilled, if not in full, then at least in satisfying fashion. Plus! Though we’re pretty much focused on Reed(s), everybody else’s dialogue reads far more smoothly than it did last issue. Also! I’m really starting to think this series is not taking place in our main universe. Not going to say why, just my pet theory. Prove me wrong, Hickman. Prove me wrong. Or prove me right, either way is fine.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #18: Every single time I get sent an issue of this, I think Marvel has started publishing Gargamel comics, but that’s probably only weird to me (they abbreviate its title as “GARGAL”). And I know you’re all interested in file names, but on to the review of the issue: this series is darn good and fun. This issue, in particular, reminds me of a certain Bill Murray movie (if you said “Operation: Dumbo Drop,” you would be wrong), and is much lighter than the last issue in tone and execution. And I’m curious, more than anything, to see what the long game here is, and how it will play out. That’s enough to keep me on for the long haul.

IMMORTAL WEAPONS #3: The best thing about this series is that each issue has its own look and feel to it, as each one focuses on a different Immortal Weapon (hence, you know, the title). While this is my least favorite of the three so far, that still means its heads and tails above most comics, and Iron Fist fans should be picking this for Duane Swierczynski’s back-ups alone.

INCREDIBLE HERCULES #135: Every issue of this series is a fabulous adventure that deserves to be collected and read over and over. When people ask what the best comics of the first decade of the century were, they’ll fondly recall Pak and Van Lente’s classic run on Incredible Hercules. If you’re not reading it, you might as well give up reading comics. This is also not hyperbole.

INCREDIBLE HULK #602: People have been saying my critical faculties towards Hulk comics have been compromised since I wrote Hulk Team-Up (still on sale at comic book stores everywhere!). But if that were true, would I say that Incredible Hulk is back, and as good as it’s ever been? That the pairing of a de-powered Banner, and a finally starting to have fun Skaar is enjoyable, high action, smart comics? I mean yeah, I guess I would. But that doesn’t make it any less true.

MS. MARVEL #45: This arc may have gone on about one issue too long (it’s starting to feel a leeeeetle flabby), but damn if Brian Reed hasn’t taken Ms. Marvel to a new level, breaking the character down and making her completely unique and worthwhile.

NEW AVENGERS #57: Okay, remember earlier when I was complaining about things not mattering in Avengers books? This matters, for one character in particular, and the Marvel U at large. One of Bendis’ tightest, punchiest arcs on the book so far, full of fun moments, danger, and great character work.

NOVA #29: This issue is an ever-so-slight comedown from the great War of Kings tie-ins, but if you’re looking for old school comics at their best, look no further. I’ve never been a fan of the cosmic stuff, but I’m a fan of good comics, and Abnett and Lanning have made a believer out of me.

SPIDER-WOMAN #1: That’s weird… This motion comic barely moved at all.

UNCANNY X-MEN #515: A great character issue for Cyclops fans, showing probably the most realistic reaction to a big event I’ve ever read in a comic in a while. Also, a killer last page, but then, we all knew it was coming. Right?

WOLVERINE FIRST CLASS #19: “Wah, wah, wah. Comics are expensive. Wah, wah, wah. I can’t buy comics without having to buy a thousand other comics to understand what’s going on, so I won’t buy comics. Sniff, sniff. Everything is so dark, why aren’t comics fun anymore?” Hey crybaby: Wolverine First Class is an easily accessible, super fun comic book series for readers of comics new or old. This one comes with a fabulous Skottie Young cover, and only cost $2.99. Peter David writes (you like him, right?), and Dennis Calero draws (you DEFINITELY like him, right?). Game, set, and match, a-hole.

WOLVERINE ORIGINS #40: I really, really hope that this Romulus stuff pays off by revealing the mastermind behind everything is Remus, King of the Bird-People. But then, that’s only one of the many reasons I’m not writing Wolverine Origins.

WOLVERINE: OLD MAN LOGAN GIANT-SIZE #1: Goatse cover aside, this is a fun, big action conclusion to Millar and McNiven’s run on the title. And I’m going to reiterate what I’ve been saying all along: this is going to be a fabulous collection. Each individual issue, this one included, is like a light snack, with pretty much one major action beat per comic. But read as a trade, it’ll be a full, satisfying meal. McNiven’s pencils are cinematic, as always, and Millar writes cheeky action scenes like no one else. There’s one totally unnecessary Millar perversion in this issue, which must have seemed very funny at the time, but plays as just plain crass; though that shouldn’t stop you from picking this up. What might stop you is the back half of the issue, which is just a bunch of covers from the series, that, presumably, you already purchased. At $5 for an (albeit, over-sized) story, to throw in 20 pages of bonus material that will most likely appear in the upcoming trade collection is just a wee bit unfortunate.

You may not know this, but DC is experimenting with running back-up stories featuring B-list characters who don’t have a book of their own. It’s all an initiative to make the recent price jump to $3.99 an issue more worth it to readers. I’ll take an in-continuity scene by an A-list team and starring an A-list character over that, thank you very much.

So, having pretty much never looked back at the movie since walking out of the theater a few years back with my nerdy heart broken by it’s suckiness, I sat back on the couch and hoped for the best. And you know what? It’s a pitch-perfect Spider-Man movie…for about 40 minutes. The Peter/MJ dynamic established in the previous two films is there, recurring characters like Aunt May and Harry Osbourne pick up where they left off, and new characters–Eddie Brock, in particular–step into the mix convincingly. The J. Jonah Jameson-driven plot driver pitting dueling Daily Bugle photogs Parker and Brock against each other to get a shot of Spider-Man showing his “true colors” as a villain, with a staff job as the prize, is right out of the comics, and the tongue-in-cheek tone of the setup translates well to live action. It’s fun and hokey and, considering the context, believable. The Sandman origin is also handled really well. I like the way he looks in the movie and I like the way the role is acted. Surprisingly, the action and conflict surrounding Harry Osbourne as “Goblin Jr” is probably the most satisfying part of the movie for me, in that it actually follows through on threads from parts 1 and 2 and, despite some cosmetic changes from what happens to Harry in the funny pages, feels like a true adaptation of Harry’s ongoing comic story–right down to the coma, bouts of memory loss, and “dying.” I think a lot of people dismissed the Harry stuff because they didn’t like the idea of changing “Green Goblin 2″ into a hover-boarding, bomb-throwing extreme sports caricature. In retrospect, it’s a pretty cool character design and a nice step forward from the Power Ranger-esque Green Goblin in part 1. Without changing all that much, Harry becomes something new for the Spideyverse and, given how things play out in the movie, the kind of slick anti-hero who nearly outshines the hero hero of the piece.

But nobody went to see Spider-Man 3 for Sandman or Harry.

No, Spider-Man 3 was all about Venom–the alien symbiote that latches onto Peter Parker and, in the comics, became an evil, brain-eating perversion of everything Spider-Man stood for. In the comics, Spidey “becomes” Venom in a sense, before Venom becomes his own being, wearing the black alien as a costume while adventuring on another world in a comic plot far too convoluted to translate to film. But seeds had been planted by the filmmakers, so there wouldn’t be much trouble altering the origins of the alien in order to bring Venom to movie Spidey’s Earth in an exciting but sensible way.

As you’ll recall, in Spider-Man 2, Parker’s girlfriend MJ was engaged to marry astronaut John Jameson, but she left the poor sap at the alter to be with her web-headed honey. So, when John Jameson went off on his next space adventure, his heart was filled with anger toward MJ and Parker, and this anger drew the alien symbiote to him. A little far-fetched, but still logical within the context of a movie about a guy in tights fighting crime with the proportionate strength and agility of a spider. So, one thing leads to another, and Jameson returns to earth with the alien in tow, feeding off of his anger, and fueling his aggressive urges toward Parker and MJ. This gives him a reason to bring the symbiote into contact with Parker, allowing the rest of the Venom origin to unfold as it did in the comics, and allowing MJ to redeem herself from her runaway bride routine in part 2 by at least suffering some consequences in part 3, a common thread tying the sequels together toward a fulfilling conclusion.

I’m sorry, what is that? The alien just falls out of the sky? The symbiote just happens to come into contact with Spidey because Parker…steps on it? MJ’s jilted ex doesn’t even get mentioned again?

Oh yeah, right. And that’s why this movie sucks. An unlikable love interest who makes the protagonist fawning all over her unlikable by extension, a major villain generated from some random space junk, and not even the slightest attempt to resolve a pretty major character-defining act from the previous film.

Also, about 40 minutes into the flick, we find out that (in the movies, at least) Sandman killed Spidey’s Uncle Ben. So, not only are we going to ignore that whole “leaving a good man at the altar” bit from part 2, we’re also going to reach back to part 1 and change the tried-and-true origin story that has suited Spidey for decades and across mediums…just to add an unnecessary dramatic twist to the B-villain subplot?

Why don’t they just add a dance number, while they’re at it?! (They did.)

Needless to say, my viewing experience fell apart fairly quickly. And the thing about already knowing how the movie ended? Well, it gave me license to do the only sensible thing–turn the crap off early.

But fear not, true believers! I was able to cleanse my palate with an episode of The Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon, which happened to be sitting in my DVR queue and featured an infinitely more satisfying take on Venom. If there’s any moral to this story, I guess it’s that anyone looking for a live-action Spidey fix is better off settling for the far more intelligent cartoon on Disney XD.

Think about it this way:

- Ben Parker was in high school with May Reilly. Unless one of them skipped a grade or two, or was left back, we can assume they were approximately the same age; or, at least, in the same four year range as each other.

- Richard Parker, Ben’s brother, is described as being “many years younger” than Ben.

- Peter Parker is only a few months old when Richard and Mary, his parents, are killed in a plane crash.

- Peter is a teenager in high school when he becomes Spider-Man.

The big variable here is, how many years younger is “many years younger?” While there’s, of course, no way of determining exactly how many, let’s take a look here:

- Chances are, Richard and Mary had Peter in their early twenties, given the time period. People just didn’t really have babies in their thirties when Spider-Man was launched.

- Add 16 years to that (a middle point for how old Peter is when he became Spider-Man), and his parents, if they survived, would most likely be mid-to-late-thirties.

- Ben Parker is many years older than Richard, and looks to be easily in his sixties or seventies. This makes Ben about 30-40 years older than Richard.

- But, that’s impossible, right? We’ve already explained that people just didn’t have babies in their thirties back then due to health factors. Even if Peter Parker’s grandmother had Ben at 16, that would mean she was at least 46 when she had Richard… So probably not.

- It’s far more likely that many years meant 5-10 years, so Ben was had at a very young age (16), and then Richard at about 10 years after that (26).

- Meaning, if Richard was about 25 when Peter was born, Ben was only about 35.

- …And in the first issue of Spider-Man, Ben was 51. Approximately.

- Assuming Aunt May had the exact same birthday as Uncle Ben, she was also approx. 51 when Peter became Spider-Man.

- Additionally, only about 5-10 years have passed in Spider-Man continuity, meaning Aunt May is, maximum, 61.

There is only one conclusion: Aunt May has that disease from Jack.

Side note: During my cursory research, I was reminded of this issue of Marvel Team-Up, one of my favorite comics of all time, where Aunt May becomes Goldie, the herald of Galactus. The only thing that can sate his hunger? Fruit pies. It was during Assistant Editor’s Month, natch:

Spidey himself has not yet been cast. Alan Cumming will play villain Norman Osborn. Production is scheduled to begin previews on February 25, 2010.

10 books reviewed:
Amazing Spider-Man #595 (BUY IT)
Amazing Spider-Man: The Short Halloween (BUY IT)
Dark Reign – The Hood #1 (BUY IT)
New Avengers #53 (BUY IT)
Final Crisis Aftermath – Ink #1 (BUY IT)
Ms. Marvel #39 (DON’T BOTHER)
Batman in Barcelona: Dragon’s Knight (SPLIT VERDICT)
Superman #688 (SPLIT VERDICT)
Teen Titans #71 (SPLIT VERDICT)
Justice League of America #33 (DON’T BOTHER)

Agree? Disagree? Think we don’t know what the heck we’re talking about? Leave your comments below!

And if you think we your feedback doesn’t matter, you’re wrong — last time out everyone begged us to stop putting the intro in between every segment and we listened — thank God!

Special thanks to Midtown Comics for providing Jon’s books for review.

I’m in the middle of a writing project concerning Spider-Man. I’m reading every issue of The Amazing Spider-Man, writing a short essay, and having a discussion forum about it. I’m trying to read between the lines, and draw points of cultural relevance from the comic books. Basically, I’m reading way too much into Spider-Man.

So far he’s only reviewed about seven issues, but head on over to his blog and encourage him to keep going. This is a fun, smart project, and I’d love to see him make it all the way to the end.

Oh, and Sean, if you add in every issue of Web of Spider-Man, you’ll have me as an even bigger fan.

Please note: the guy holding multiple copies is a Midtown employee playing hype man. Midtown had a strict 1 COPY PER PERSON policy. I had to reiterate this in numerous over the past week — which I tried to lighten by saying “Even if Obama himself shows up, he can only get 1 copy”, probably to no effect.

Beyond the fact that Marvel didn’t print anywhere near enough copies for the demand, there are a couple other things that strike me as crazy about this whole media circus:

1) Obama only appears in the five page back-up.

2) OBAMA DOES NOT EVEN LOOK LIKE OBAMA. I realize this was probably a last minute idea on Marvel’s part — and a fairly brilliant one at that — but could they not find someone who could do 5 pages AND draw Obama?? Sorry Todd Nauck, but that is NOT cutting it. This is one time when it would’ve been better to have somebody do severe photo-referencing or even Greg Land style tracing. I mean, now you’re gonna have tons of casual fans pick the book up and see this unrecognizable Barack Obama. I’d be embarrassed.

3) The first guy in line was apparently there at 6AM! And it was probably like under 20 degrees at that time!

Also FYI, the 2nd printing will be available January 21st.

“I like it in the Marvel comics when Spider-Man fights Morbius,” said Raimi. “He’s really cool. A vampire! I like that combination of superhero plus supernatural.”

So let’s talk about this… Obviously, Empire is actually a reputable source that probably did talk to Sam Raimi. However, since I can’t find the article on Empire’s website, I can’t tell you what the context was. Did an interviewer say, “Do you want Morbius in Spider-Man 4?” or “What do you think of Morbius?” Was Raimi joking? Or maybe it’s an old quote that just snuck its way back into the ether.

I’d also like to point out that after Empire, the original source is MTV’s excellent Splash Page, which titled their article:

‘Spider-Man 4’ Villain Might Be ‘Morbius The Living Vampire,’ Director Sam Raimi Hints

By later in the day, on sites like the also excellent /Film, the title had become:

Sam Raimi Wants Morbius in Spider-Man 4

Which is obviously a huge leap already. I assume by the time it hit Hello! Magazine, it had turned into:

Director Sam Raimi to Marry Lindsay Lohan

But I digress. Let’s assume for a moment that a reporter asked Raimi about villains for Spider-Man 4, Raimi honestly answered, and wants Morbius, the Living Vampire in his big budget action spectacular. Certainly, this would fit into Raimi’s fetish for smaller, more complex villains. And, as has been pointed out elsewhere, despite his supernatural trappings, Morbius is a science villain, having turned himself into a blood-sucker with the aid of secret formula (nineteen herbs and spices, I hear).

So in that sense, yes, Morbius does fit into the Spidey movie universe. And, lest we forget, Raimi also loves horror, the supernatural, and cheese-ball villains.

That leads us to the conclusion that it is entirely possible Raimi might like the idea of Morbius in a Spider-Man movie. But at the end of the day, it will never, ever happen. Sony desperately needs Spider-Man. With Bond, it’s the only good thing it has going. Despite the gigantic box office for Spider-Man 3, Raimi effed up, and they all know it*.

It comes down to this: Sony is not going to risk the safety of their company on a movie that could essentially be called Spider-Man vs. Vampires. They’ll be laughed out of Hollywood.

Last but not least, remember that Spider-Man 4 and 5 are a two part story. Does Morbius sound like someone you’d want to spend two movies with? No.

I’m calling BS on this rumor, it has all the makings of Raimi just casually answering a question to a reporter. If I’m wrong, though… Nah, I’m not wrong.

*Side-Note: I really liked Spider-Man 3, and think its flaws are well outweighed by its strong points; but I realize I’m in the minority here.

“5 Lessons We Hope Obama Learned From Spider-Man”

Plus: Even his doodles attract attention.

Since Spiderman hit the big screen a few years ago, the franchise has been a very lucrative one in all entertainment industries. So much so, that even during years when there was no Spiderman film release, Activision still tried its best to release a game that year anyway to capitalize on the franchise. While writing off those titles that weren’t attached to films as rubbish (i.e. Spiderman: Friend or Foe) was understandable and even advisable, doing the same to Spider-Man: Web of Shadows would be a mistake.

The plot of Spider-Man: Web of Shadows starts off simply enough, with our Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman chasing his good buddy Venom. Where things start to go awry is when the symbiote in Venom’s suit starts to react and behave strangely once it’s in the presence of Peter Parker again. This encounter sets off a chain of events that include Spiderman being consumed by the symbiote again, other Superheroes and Supervillains merging and combining with symbiotes and even citizens of New York City being overcome and infected by the symbiote. With the Avengers and Iron Man nowhere to be found, it’s up to Spiderman and a motley cast of Heroes and Villains alike to save New York City and the rest of the world from the absolute mayhem that ensues.

What caught many people (myself included) by surprise about Spider-Man: Web of Shadows was the footage I saw of it back at E3. The slow motion effect when using your web-strike attacks, the combos and aerial attacks were unlike anything I’d seen in a Spiderman title. What at first looked to be tantalizing concept footage did indeed make it to the final version of the game and it sets Spider-Man: Web of Shadows miles apart from the Spiderman titles that came before it.

One of the aspects of Spiderman that hasn’t quite been captured correctly in a videogame is his movement style, especially combat. While there have been many advances in how he controls and animates while swinging with his webbing, especially since the Spiderman 3 videogame, it all goes down the toilet when the combat comes into play. That was until now.

In Spider-Man: Web of Shadows, the combat is broken down into three distinct types. Ground combat, aerial combat and wall combat are all accounted for here. What’s even better is that players can seamlessly blend together the three different types and put together combos that flow from one type to the other. Just having those various types of combat operating so fluidly is a large step in the right direction for the franchise.

One of the coolest additions to the combat system I think is the web-strike mechanic. Essentially, this is a simple button press that makes Spidey shoot a couple streams of webbing at his enemy that he then uses to pull himself towards them at high speed as a setup to a string of attack and combo opportunities. As the webbing shoots out and as Spidey propels towards his enemy, a slow motion effect begins. Not simply a gimmick for adding dramatic effect, it gives you time to react to the situation and decide in what manner you want to deal with your foe once you reach them. You start off with only being able to pounce on them once you make contact, but once you level up the maneuver, you’ll be able to all sorts of techniques to it such as wrapping them completely in webbing, slamming them into buildings, and all sorts of other attacks.

All of these attacks and combos are handled by pressing different buttons at the correct time during the web-strike. They’re not canned combos and can be strung together however you like. What’s even better is that after doing a full combo and tossing your enemy aside, if you have enough skill, you can bring them in for another web-strike and continue to do it until you’ve defeated them.

Another thing the web-strike mechanic allows you to do is to dispose of one foe however you wish, and after tossing them aside, initiate a web-strike on another nearby foe before even hitting the ground. This will let you take out multiple enemies in rapid succession and can even be used as a sort of platforming mechanic to help you reach enemies or areas much easier than you would have been able to otherwise in a sort of leap-frog type fashion.

Performing these different variations of the web-strike technique on enemies high above the skyscrapers of New York City adds a dynamic to the aerial combat that hasn’t been seen in a Spiderman game yet, while also feeling uniquely at home with the character.

The rest of the combat is your standard fare for action games. It’s all combo based, and you can upgrade the combos by spending experience points that you gain throughout the game. You’ll be able to spend the experience to level up combos and learn new moves for the ground based, aerial and wall based combat types.

Spider-Man: Web of Shadows maintains somewhat the open world nature that was introduced to the franchise a few years ago. You’ll have main quests that you accept from different heroes (and villains), while also being able to do optional quests around New York City. All throughout, there will still be other crimes and capers being committed across the city that you’ll be able to participate in and foil at your leisure.

Unfortunately, these optional quests and crimes are all the exact same tasks as the missions you’re given for the main storyline, so it doesn’t do much in the form of giving you the type of variation and longevity that an open world environment typically lends to a game.

Spider-Man: Web of Shadows is a little bit on the short side, even for an action game. Still, for its few shortcomings, the title did succeed as far as providing new gameplay mechanics for the Spiderman videogame franchise that can be built upon in the future to make some fantastic games. Knowing Activision’s track record, we think it’s pretty safe to assume that we will be playing more Spiderman games in the years to come. Spiderman fans and those that have enjoyed playing the videogames previously should definitely check Spider-Man: Web of Shadows out. Action game fans in general should at least give it a look. You could do much, much worse.

I was raised in a black, church-going, military family. My grandfather did 30 years in the Air Force, my mom did a few, my dad was in Gulf War I, I’ve had various relative enlist, and it seems like everybody I knew from high school is either married or joined some branch of the military. I guess all of this is just to say that I’m not coming at Amazing Spider-Man #574 from the position of a total neophyte or someone who doesn’t know nothing about nothing. If you couldn’t tell from my body of work, I tend to pay attention to those things, if only because all three things are so close to my heart.

The crux of ASM #574 is that Flash Thompson was sent to Iraq, with the surprise revelation that he lost his legs rescuing a fellow soldier. The issue tells the story of Flash’s motivations during the story, even while massaging continuity (Vietnam quietly replaced with an unnamed jungle) and bringing the character up to date.

Overall, I really enjoyed the issue. Other than one hollow note (the origin of the name Flash comes from a high school date), this is probably Guggenheim’s strongest piece of writing to date. Careful attention is paid to the reality and treatment of the military in the book, including a desk-driving general and slang. These aren’t your cardboard cut-out soldiers. We don’t get the guy with the kid at home, or the crazy war-thirsty jerkoff. The little attention given to them paints them as just regular people.

It’s Flash’s story, though, and the issue is mostly told in the first person, as Flash tells his story to the general who is reviewing him for a Medal of Honor. It’s in an issue of Spider-Man because Flash is Spidey’s number one fan, and the text shows how Spider-Man has influenced Flash’s life over the years. When Flash needed a hero, his abusive father was found lacking. Instead, he looked to Spider-Man, resulting in iconic shots of Spider-Man versus the Sinister Six, or lifting a heavy thing, or fighting the Kingpin head-on, and so on, when Flash needed that extra motivation.

It isn’t clear in the text whether Spidey was on his mind during the action itself, or simply making parallels in the retelling, but both work thematically. Guggenheim is walking a fine line here, and could easily tip over into equating the exploits of Spider-Man, a fictional character, with the very real soldiers over in Iraq, Afghanistan, and elsewhere. Instead, I found that it was just a story about where heroism comes from.

Everyone has someone or something that they look up to. It’s that person in the back of your mind who inspires you, or whose memory you want to live up to, whether it’s What Would Jesus Do or I Wanna Be Like Mike. It’s a very human thing to look outside yourself for strength, and I think that this book does a good job of doing that. Flash’s father was abusive, so he was right out as far as heroes go. Spider-Man, however, was young, capable, and an easy target for a young guy who needed help. Flash latched on and became a huge fanboy. When he needed to push, he could look to Spidey.

I can see how this could ruffle some feathers, but I thought it was done perfectly respectfully. Nowhere is anyone but Flash’s motivations attributed to Spider-Man, and it’s always in an inspirational manner. It isn’t about how awesome Spider-Man is, but rather about how important heroes are to people, albeit illustrated on a very small scale.

This issue prompted me to put some real thought as to whether or not it was appropriate for comics, and superhero comics in particular, to address real world issues. One man’s “respectfully handled” is another man’s “complete travesty.” Why can we do World War II comics by the boatload, but more modern issues are taboo? Is it the time and distance that separates us and makes it seem less real? Is the War on Terror, or Insert Cause/Injustice/Action of Your Choice Here, somehow more real and troubling than the Big One?

I don’t think so, and I think this issue is a good reason why. If you can do your best to treat an issue respectfully, do the research (we can call it “due diligence” so we can pretend to be adults), and generally just put your best foot forward, I don’t think that any subject is taboo.

I believe that fiction is important. As much as I hate to quote a Superman comic to support a point, I have to say that one of my favorite Superman moments is in Action Comics #775, where Superman defeats the hot cynical superteam of the moment and says, “Dreams save us. Dreams lift us up and transform us.”

The fictional nature of something does not decrease its importance any more than relating something fictional to something real insults the real thing. Sometimes you have to push toward that fictional ideal to get the job done. Sometimes it’s your father, sometimes it’s Spider-Man. There is little difference between the two, and both serve different purposes for different people. Sometimes, dreams are just what you need.

I’ve personally known people who were big on the Punisher, Sgt Rock, or (X character) who spent some time in Iraq. We didn’t spend a lot, or really any, time talking about how the adventures of Clint Barton helped them in the field, but people generally have pet heroes, or tattoos of heroes, for specific reasons. One guy in Iraq using Spider-Man as inspiration? I can buy that.