SNAKE: I don’t wanna knock the guy’s contribution to society or nuthin, but I never got Playboy. All the broads look the same… they’re all shiny and blonde and reclining against a table or some crap.

LOU: Well, I think they’re going for a more artful approach. And the cartoons are funny!

SNAKE: True. But the articles… always about things I don’t understand or can’t afford, or interviews wit whoever’s sleepin in Hef’s guest room that month.

LOU: Well, I think maybe it’s just a little highbrow for your tas–

SNAKE: Highbrow? How ’bout boring. Gimme a Hustler or Penthouse instead any day… now we’re cookin. Soft focus my ass. Those mags are just filthy — the way porno SHOULD be! You don’t know what to expect from one page to the next!

LOU: Like the infamous shots of women peeing?

SNAKE: Exactly! One minute I’m stiffer than a double shot o’ Wild Donkey, the next I wanna puke on my shoes. Anything goes!

BOMB QUEEN: Weak. Like Playboy means anything today? That photoshopped rag can’t keep up with the speed of traffic. Can’t even compete with today’s PG-13 films. Hefner should have faked his death and gone out early. Nobody wants fat jumpsuit Elvis, or caved-in chest Hefner. Look at Michael Jackson’s sorry ass. Should’ve sucked a double barrel like Kobain - die early and leave a beautiful corpse. But noooo, not Hefner. Now the world has to suffer 90 more minutes of this dried log. But Hollywood is stupid nowadays. They do autobio pics and only focus on the “good years”. Nothing about old Howard Hughes. Forget scrambled brains Muhammad Ali. Disregard old Johnny Cash. People only want the young stars, screw the old people (that’s why I kill them). Anyway, Ratner needs work, but this is too much.