Sy-Fy’s fuckery continues to induce Picard-level face-palming, as the trailer for The Phantom mini-series/backdoor pilot made its way onto the net this week. The movie stars Ryan Carnes as Chris Moore, a young man who discovers that he’s actually Kit Walker, son of the 21st Phantom. Forced to carry on the family tradition of fighting injustice in all forms, he’s trained by a secret organization to take on the villainous Rhatib Singh, a man who’s seen Kill Bill Vol.1 way too many times!

I love the fact that Chris/Kit declares that he won’t wear the Phantom’s original costume, probably thinking it that it looks stupid, when the new suit makes him look like even more of a tool than he feared! Between the hood and the superfluous armor plating, the dude looks like a purple armadillo! To say nothing of the douche-knit cap he wears when he’s in his civilian persona.

Between this and Flash Gordon, all Sy-Fy has to do now is “re-imagine” Mandrake The Magician as a Criss Angel wannabe illusionist-turned-crimefighter, and they’ll have completely raped my childhood memories of Defenders of the Earth!