You have to love the Real World/Road Rules Challenges. It’s great because there are no allusions of it being anything more than the bastard child of Battle of the Network Stars and Double Dare. Recently, we saw a clever revamp of the concept in the form of Fresh Meat, where former challenge members were partnered with newbies who had never been on either series. It was interesting to see twelve independent pairs competing against each other as opposed to one big team versus another. This time around, it’s the more traditional format, as the theme is, once again, The Inferno. Every other week, a member from each team will square off in a one-on-one competition for the right to stay with their team. And at the end, the winning team will walk away with $400,000 dollars. Not to mention the cash they win for individual events. Now, even if the winning team retains all ten members, that’s still 40 G’s a piece before taxes! These famewhores perform stupid human tricks in some tropical setting for two months, and stand to make more than I make at my day job in a year?!? How is that fair?!?

Anyway, this year’s lineup is as follows:

The Good Guys
Alton (Las Vegas)
Ace (Paris)
Rachel (Austin)
John (Key West)
Paula (Key West)
Colie (Denver)
Davis (Denver)
Timmy (USA Tour 2)
Susie (Australia)
Cara (South Pacific)

The Bad Asses
Aneesa (Chicago)
Tonya (Chicago)
CT (Paris)*
Danny (Austin)
Janelle (Key West)
Jenn (Denver)
Tyrie (Denver)
Abram (South Pacific)
Evelyn (Fresh Meat)
Kenny (Fresh Meat)

Three things; one, there are four members of the current Real World cast between the two teams. WTF? They couldn’t wait for their season of RW to end before broadcasting the Challenge? I have enough trouble processing these people’s drama on their own damn show. Now I gotta process their drama on the Challenge, as well?!? Two, Timmy?!?! Isn’t this man like damn near 40?!? Have you nothing better to do, man? And three, the asterix by CT’s name. Well, that’s a funny story:

After toasting to a fun challenge and wishing the best of luck to all the competitors, CT starts to let his inner Boston Brawler out to play. The first victim of his rampage is Fresh Meat cast member Kenny, who accidentally gives CT a bloody nose while the two engage in a good natured wrestling match. Keep in mind, some of the male cast members had to intervene when CT refused to release Kenny from a chokehold, even though he was trying to tap out. But CT feels he’s the one who has ultimately been assualted, and verbally unloads on poor Kenny. But wait, it gets worse! It seems CT, in a drunken fit, punched the living snot out of Davis later that evening, resulting in a wikked shoinah! If only there had been a cameraman on hand to catch it as it happened, instead of just the weepy aftermath with Davis crying in a shower stall.

Now, one of the big rules with all these shows is that no cast member is allowed to use physical violence against another cast member. So before the Challenge even officially starts, CT is sent packin’!!! And I can’t say I’ll miss him. He completely overracted with the whole Kenny thing, and then tried to play off his unprovoked attack on Davis, claiming that Davis should just “get over it”. Good Riddance, ya punk! In his stead, the Bad Asses will have the pint-sized scrapper Derrick on their side. And that’s when the Good Guys know they’re in trouble. Derrick’s reputation preceeds him at this point, taking on any and all challengers, and proving himself to be one of the best competitors (though he’s never won the big prize) of any of the challenges. The man wrestled Cyrus’ big black ass from Real World Boston. . . .and won! The man’s not to be f***ed with!

Already, the Bad Asses are off to a good start, with two wins in a row, and $20,000 in their team bank. Davis and Abram were initially voted into the Inferno, but with Alton winning the life shield in the second challenge, he volunteered to save Davis from another asskicking, taking his place in the Inferno! Probably knowing Alton well enough to know that he’d sacrifice himself to set an example for his team, Abram makes the strategic (or “bitch”) move of using his life shield to send Tyrie in his place. If Tyrie wins, the Good Guys’ team leader is gone and the team will most likely fall apart. But we all know Abram’s real intention is to cut some dead weight from his team. For one, Tyrie’s a newbie to the Challenge, and those guys get no respect. But he was one of the few who messed up with that ladder challange. Or maybe Abram just doesn’t like black people, and figures either way, it’s one less darkie in the house! In any event, we won’t find out who wins until next week.