Sorry for the delay folks. Halloween was Tuesday night and we all got sick on candy and booze. There are still rainbows coming out of me from places I’d rather not discuss in mixed company. Here are your picks, pans, and scans; a day late, but more informed. – Adan

Agents of Atlas #4

Adan: 60’s spy awesomeness with 60’s ex-superheroes and a giant bolly gorilla man. This book has fun written all over it. A goddess of love, an unfeeling robot, a Uranian space traveler, a long-thought dead underwater princess, the aforementioned gorilla man, and Jimmy Woo, secret agent extraordinaire. This is a roll call for everything that was awesome about sixties’ fiction all here in one book. Get it, read it, fall in love with it. Now.

Laura: The man doesn’t lie. I read it this month, and I fell in love with it. Your turn.

Criminal #2

Laura: Our anti-hero, Leo, likes to talk a lot about the rules, and how they’re the only thing that keeps you alive in the world of crime. And yet, for two issues all we’ve seen him do is break them, so it’s no real surprise when the plan goes sideways in a hail of bullets and betrayal. But hey, who wants things to go according to plan? Not Ed Brubaker. That man loves the noir, loves the heist, but most of all loves the backstab and the twist of the knife. There aren’t many people who do it quite this right.

Adan: And that’s why I’m not sure about this book yet. Leo spends two issues telling me exactly how not to get screwed on a heist and proceeds to completely ignore himself and then gets screwed on a heist. listen, Bru, I like you, a lot (wait for the X-Men bit later), but I’m gonna need less telegraphing and more, you know, suspense. On the upside, I love Sean Phillips more than I love Mint Chip ice cream, and I love Mint Chip ice cream.

Incredible Hulk #100

Laura: The awesome Planet Hulk storyline continues, as Caiera the Oldstrong finally flips off the emperor and joins with “The Green Scar” for a little smashy smash of their Imperial overlords. His comrades wonder if he’s their prophesied savior, and so do I; he seems more at home here as a gladiator-turned-freedom-fighter than he ever did back on Earth. This jumbo centennial issue also includes a few Hulk reprints and a brief Civil War tie-in, where Reed Richards begins to reap a little of what he sowed with the whole shooting-his-friend-into-space-with-no-warning thing. Richards gets called a “monster” repeatedly, which is supposed to be ironic, but really he’s more of a douche. Not that I’d be opposed to shooting him into space, were I given an enormously powerful ejection seat and a shiny red button to push.

Adan: The only Hulk storyline that I’ve ever given a damn about it. I have no interest in a character that does nothing but get angry and smash things, but put him on a planet with a bunch of weird-ass aliens, start a little revolution, and throw in a little Messiah complex and I am hooked. I also love the fact that this centennial issue has a this Cho kid who’s trying to bring the Hulk back to Earth. And pay extra attention to those silhouettes at the end of the second story. I think I know who “Hulk’s friends” are.

Justice League of America #3

Laura: JLA #3 suffers from Heroes syndrome, which is to say it has an army of characters with interesting stories to tell, all of which come marching into your face at once. Black Lightning! Green Lantern! Red Tornado! BatmanWonderWomanSupermanHawkgirlVixenWTF stick with a subplot for five seconds so I can process the last four scene changes you threw at me. This would have been better as two books, but you only get one, for roughly half the fun.

Adan: Oh man, does this new iteration of the JLA suck. First off, where the hell do Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman get off deciding who’s gonna be in the JLA? Why doesn’t every other hero in the world just get up and go, “Fuck you guys! Where the hell were you last year, you bunch of dicks!” Also, when exactly is this taking place? Is that Trinity nonsense in the past and the Red Tornado stuff later? By the way, who honestly cares about the Red Tornado and when the hell did Batman start using cute little nicknames? “Reddy,” for fuck’s sake? Meltzer, go write more derivative “Da Vinci Code”-type novels and leave the comics writing to the professionals.

Love Roma, Vol. 4

Laura: In the opening panel of the Love Roma series, a blunt, earnest high school freshman named Hoshino walks up to his classmate Negishi and says, “I like you. Please go out with me.” And so begins their relationship, a hilarious high school romance founded on absolute honesty. In a startling departure from the genre, Love Roma chronicles a clear-eyed first love sans the constant melodrama and contrived misunderstandings that make most romantic comedy insufferable. One of the few manga that understands true love is neither a series of dramatic poses nor a series of pratfalls, Love Roma is Kare Kano with none of the shoujo affectation and twice the laughs. Pretty much anyone who even vaguely likes manga–or fun–should be reading it. If you’re too embarrassed to read it openly in front of your buddies, just slip it between the pages of an All-Star Batman and Robin. No one will question why you’re laughing.

Adan: Laura is totally right about everything in this book. The only thing I disagree with is that you should not be embarrassed to be seen reading this. Would you be embarrassed reading any other superbly wrought work of art? No, you wouldn’t, and you shouldn’t be embarrassed about this either. If any of your friends question your masculinity, just punch them in the face and continue reading the supremely cute adventure of Hoshino-kun and Negishi-chan.

Mouse Guard #4

Adan: The best part of this issue is the medieval style story in the middle, telling the tale of the Black Axe. It’s gilded and each page starts with this huge, ornate letter and there are pictures. It’s awesome. and all those little mice brandishing swords fighting other animals is freaking adorable!

Laura: Yes, they’re all mice, and it’s kind of adorable that they’re brandishing swords in a medieval fantasy world, but the fact remains that Mouse Guard is perhaps the most human drama on the shelves. The “aww” factor quickly takes a backseat to the heroism and dignity of these noble mice as they risk all to warn Lockhaven of the traitor’s army marching for its gates. Gorgeously drawn and utterly absorbing, this book is easy to love, whether you’re seven or seventy. Anyone who feels differently should probably examine his soul.

Mystery in Space #3

Laura: The plot of Mystery in Space sounds really cool, and looks even cooler. Unfortunately, the writing manages to suck the awesome right out of it. Life or death situations and brilliant, jaw-dropping space explosions are matched up with Captain Comet’s stilted, detached narrative like a bad Japanese dub, making the whole affair flat and difficult to connect with. Still, it’s not like you need to connect with the fireworks to enjoy the 4th of July. Just don’t ask the pretty lights to tell you a story much more meaningful than KABOOM.

Adan: I really like this book and I really want to see it succeed because the comic racks need more pulp and non-superhero stuff, and it gets more credence if one of the Big Two publishes it, but a $3.99 price tag is almost ridiculous (the only saving grace is that we get the extra the Weird story after the main Comet story) and Laura’s right: the voice over narration is almost too painful. The actual dialogue is good, and the plot is intriguing, but Comet needs to stop pretending he’s Phillip Marlowe; or better yet, get better at it.

She-Hulk #13

Laura: The Living Tribunal, a being of unimaginable power who maintains the cosmic balance of the universe, decides to intercede… in a date rape trial? Really? I didn’t know the omnipotent cosmic entity cared enough to run an appellate court for sex crimes. Perhaps he feels it gives him the common touch. She-Hulk is entertaining as usual, as everyone goes running around in Thanos’ brain, and Starfox gets totally screwed, but not in the way he likes. Sucks to be you, Starfox. DO A BARREL ROLL!

Adan: Hey, a video game joke. How very droll. The Living Tribunal being asked to preside over a date rape trial didn’t immediately penetrate my skull, now I know, and that’s pretty funny. ‘She-Hulk’ has long been one of the funniest titles on the rack, although this one is somewhat of a low point. But hey, the Living Tribunal is presiding over a cosmic date rape trial and cosmic date rape is always funny.

Laura: I can’t tell whether you’re actually getting on your feminist high horse, or if you’re laughing too. Also, when did you get too cool for video game jokes? Are you still mad about that time I beat you at Mario Kart? Do you need to hug this out?

Adan: Oh, I am most definitely laughing too. And let the record show that Laura never beat me at Mario Kart. In fact, I seem to recall a certain someone ramming into a wall as I sailed across the finish line ahead of her. Twice.

Laura: Are you actually blocking this out? You beat me in a REMATCH, which you demanded after an ass-kicking you fumed about for weeks. Don’t make me call witnesses to the stand. But hey–maybe we can get the Living Tribunal to arbitrate.

Adan: You should write fiction. You’re obviously very good at it.

Superman Confidential #1

Adan: Wait, wait, wait. Does the Kryptonite actually have a voice over at the beginning? Ludicrous. Cooke and Sale, I look forward to everything you guys do because you are Cooke and Sale. Apart, you kids are awesome; together, you should be awesome-er. So, what went wrong? For starters, Superman’s only been doing his thing for two months, but Lois already knows Clark and Supes are one and the same? Really? Cooke and Sale, your names alone will bring me back for another issue, but if this doesn’t shapen up, I’m done.

Laura: Every man has a weakness. And for the newly-suited Superman, the most frightening thing is not knowing what that is. Fortunately, giant green rocks start falling from the sky, and no one needs a diagram to connect those two plot points. I’d like to believe that there’s some sort of space creature encased in the rock, because talking kryptonite might officially push this book across the line, but we’ll see. The dialogue could be a little sharper at times, but the insecurities of a Clark Kent still learning to wear the cape ring true enough to bring me back for at least one more issue.

Uncanny X-Men #480

Laura: So, it’s the X-Men. Aaaand… they’re in space. If you’re into all that, then this is another issue of it. Personally, I wanted to hear Brubaker write the X-Men like Brubaker, rather than hear him regurgitate his own nostalgia. But then, I also wanted a pony when I was ten years old and I didn’t get that either. We don’t spend much time with the actual X-Men in this issue, as the highly unsympathetic Vulcan throws down with the Shi’ar Imperial Guard, which naturally ends in a toe-to-toe with Gladiator. Gladiator is a bit of a bastard too, but clearly the lesser of two assholes, so you can’t help but cheer for him to open up a can on the new title holder for Whiniest Summers Brother.

Adan: See, no. This is not just more ‘X-men is Space.’ Mostly because there are precious few X-men around and none in this issue (although Darwin needs waaaaay more screen time). By the way readers: Vulcan is “highly unsympathetic.” Newsflash Laura, he’s the villain, the antagonist, the bloody bad guy! I don’t know about you, but I tend not to want to root for the homicidal maniacs hellbent on commiting cosmic genocide. There is only one thing that really bugs me about this particular ‘X-men in Space’ romp: where is the Annihilation Wave? Not even some news about this Universal-Level Threat from the Shi’ar? I know Nova just warned Earth, so you know. Continuity, peoples!

Laura: I always find villains to be a lot more compelling when they are more than cackling, two-dimensional straw men that lazy writers like to prop up for people to hate. It’s a lot more interesting to read about antagonists whose terrible deeds you can kind of understand, or even empathize with. All I understand about Vulcan is that, to take a page from your book, I kind of want to punch him the face.

Adan: Did you miss the part where his mom was raped to death by Shi’ar jerkholes or how his trusted mentor and teacher sent him on a suicide mission and then wiped all traces of his existence from the world? This doesn’t make me want to root for him, but he’s also not a “cackling, two-dimensional straw m[a]n.” And stop calling Bru lazy; he’s developing a complex.

Laura: A sad, sad backstory doesn’t automatically make you interesting and three-dimensional, nor does it mean you’re being written well. But then again, I don’t think anything in this book is particularly interesting or well-written, so maybe I should cut Vulcan some slack.

Adan: Maybe I should punch you in the face.