Action Philosophers: It’s All Greek to You

Laura: The Stoics say that God is in all things, which means that God is in the gyro on the cover of Action Philosophers, which is making me totally hungry. Whether you find the interior palatable may depend on the type of person you are. If you’re not particularly interested in ideas, or perspectives different than your own, then go right back to the fights and tights and forget we ever had this conversation. This covers a lot of ground in 28 pages, ending on a high note with my personal favorite, Epictetus. I’ll be honest: Some people might be bored by this book. But then again, you might discover an entirely new way of looking at life. Others may develop an intense craving for Greek food. Regardless, it’s only $2.95.

Adan: Easily, the funnest way to learn about philosophy. This issue tackles the Pre-Socratic thinkers, Aristotle, and Epictetus the Stoic, all Greek thinkers. And yeah, most of what these guys say is pretty basic and not at all comprehensive, but that’s why they have a recommended reading section at the end of each book that’s pretty good. But you don’t read funny books because of their recommended reading section, you read them ’cause they’re funny, and this book is funny.

Annihiliation #4

Laura: The Annihilation Wave is coming, and Earth’s superheroes are too busy with their Civil War reenactments to pay much attention. With Galactus himself on his knees, who can possibly stop Annihilus before he makes the universe a graveyard and crowns himself its king? Apparently, the answer is Thanos. And if the Mad Titan thinks you’re an evil lunatic who needs to be stopped, you have some serious, serious problems. But like Moondragon says, anyone who didn’t see this whole end-of-existence thing coming probably should have been paying more attention to the crazy guy’s name.

Adan: Vietnam in space, kids. That’s what this is. An unwinnable war fought by heroes and villains using suspect tactics on our side against an evil, unstoppable force. The only difference is those horrible Commie bastards came to our house and are whooping our asses. Nova, Gamorra, Drax the Destroyer, and Peter Quill are going to use Viet Cong tactics, tactics that helped them win that war. Will it help us now?

Batman #658

Adan: Oh, Grant, why have you forsaken me? This ending to “Batman and Son” is not good at all. I can’t even defend Grant because of his usual obfuscation. This just sucked. The kid was a jerk and after beating Robin nearly to death and decapitating a criminal, Batman not immediately sending him to prison is kind of ridiculous. So, again I ask you Grant, why have you forsaken me?

Laura: This is probably the weakest issue of Morrison’s run so far, and not even Man-Bats can save it. Last issue’s cliffhanger saw Alfred and Robin on the receiving end of Damian’s ultraviolence, an act only narrowly preceded by his cold-blooded slaughter of a criminal. After some obligatory hand-wringing and a stern rebuke, Batman… lets it slide? Seriously? When Wonder Woman took a life with the whole world hanging in the balance, Batman told her where to shove her warrior ethics, and totally dropped her out of his Top 8. But when Damian decapitates a C-list criminal and stuffs his head in a duffel bag, he gets a father-son rocket adventure into space? Wow. Maybe if he’d actually killed Robin, they would have gone to Six Flags.

Bullet Points #1

Laura: Marvel says this isn’t a What If? story, but they’re lying. And why pretend? What If? stories were great, and here we get two-in-one for six issues. Solid writing and thoughtful recharacterization casts Steve Rogers as a weakling in invincible armor and Peter Parker as a juvenile delinquent with some oversized anger issues. What If Steve Rogers Became Iron Man? What If Peter Parker Became the Hulk? The answer is probably that I will read about it.

Adan: Hey, thanks J. Michael Straczynski. The first time you said it, I wasn’t too sure about how a bullet changes history. Then you went through all those historical moments, and I was believing you a little more. Then you said it, I don’t know, 53 more times and I guess I just had to believe you ’cause you just beat me over the head with your goddamn point! More importantly than that is your assertion that every bit of your story flows from Dr. Erksine’s (the creator of the Super Soldier serum) murder occurring 24 hours earlier. Really? The US government has the Iron Man technology in WWII even though Tony Stark won’t invent it until Vietnam? Ben Parker is killed in the States as an MP defending Erksine even though he’s supposed to be an infantryman in Europe? Yeah, i like my What Ifs when they make sense, Jay Mike.

Laura: Admittedly, he will not shut up about this ONE bullet and how ONE bullet changes the world. Really, they should just admit that a bunch of stuff is different—no Ben, more advanced armor technology—rather than hanging the entire title on the hook of a fairly thin conceit. Still, this is an entertaining story if you can suspend your disbelief about that OOONE bullet. And you read comic books, so I’m pretty sure you can.

Eternals #5

Adan: I’m not sure what’s going on here. Can Neil Gaiman still write? I think so, so the problem must be me. I just don’t get it. There are two groups of Eternals (one of which just showed up out of nowhere) and they seem to be on opposite sides of a conflict over a… sleeping Celestial? Are they actually after the same thing? I don’t know. Maybe someone will post some kind of annotated notes sometime in the near future.

Laura: It’s not Neil Gaiman’s fault that you haven’t been paying attention. It is his fault that he didn’t exercise very good time management. Ikari is finally awakened as a full Eternal, Sersi regains her memory, and things are just starting to gain speed. Unfortunately, it’s the penultimate issue. Should have put the pedal down a little sooner, Gaiman. And no, driving 200 mph in the last issue will not make up for it.

Frank Richards Happy Franksgiving

Laura: This book is freakin’ hilarious. With shades of Calvin and Hobbies (though none of its subtle highbrow edge) FF wunderkind Franklin Richards and his robot sidekick get into one predicament after another, including an accidental trip to an alternative poultryverse where the FF have turkey counterparts that are kind of like their zombie counterparts, only with more wattle. Please, buy this book.

Adan: She’s right. This book is freakin’ hilarious and it does 100% more wattle than any other book you’ll read this week (or possibly ever). If you don’t think that’s a resounding endorsement, you guys need to get out more.

Stormwatch Ph.D #1

Adan: Hey, with WildStorm’s very own Crisis… excuse me, Worldstorm, some things are different, some things are the same. Thing One that is different: Warren Ellis’ awesome death of Stormwatch has been undone. The Aliens did not kill most everybody on Skywatch: Winter, Fuji, and Fahrenheit are all still alive. Thing One that is the same: Skywatch has been destroyed or has been made somehow useless and Thing Two that is the same: the UN/US has slashed their funding, so Jackson King has to find new ways of making Stormwatch a feasible superhuman response unit. The fun in this series should come from that, but this issue was too much of an intro. I was introduced to the situation and the characters, but that’s all. The action better pick up in the second issue.

Laura: I like the notion of a cost-cutting superteam of humans, but color me slightly unimpressed with the execution. It’s all pretty cookie-cutter and contrived so far, as mostly unremarkable characters behave in predictable ways. A few have the potential not to bore me, but Adan’s right–the second issue better come back strong, or they’ll never get the chance.

Tales of the Unexpected #2

Adan: Like Mystery in Space, Tales is a non-super hero book with two stories in one book. Unlike Mystery in Space, these two stories seem to not be connected at all and are about supernatural elements. The main story features dead Det. Crispus Allen battling God’s Wrath in the Spectre for control of their otherworldly powers, who they consider sinners and how best to punish them. The back-up story features Dr. 13, the DCU’s only skeptic of all things supernatural, and this to me is worth the price of admission. It’s hilarious to watch a guy who lives in the same world as Eclipso and the Spectre deny everything that is magical.

Laura: Crispus Allen used to be a detective in Gotham Central. He used to be a husband, a father, and a good man. Now he isn’t any of those things; he isn’t even human, and it kills him. So to speak. It’s not easy being an avenging spirit of death, and after watching terrible, inhuman acts 24/7 for a little too long, Allen wants to commit some terrible, inhuman acts of his own on the bad, bad men of Gotham. Fortunately, he’s the Spectre, so that really works out for him. Also, I love that his big redemptive gesture at the end involves helping people get laid. I had no idea ghosts were willing to help out with that.

Warren Ellis Black Gas 2 #1

Adan: Ho hum. It’s another zombie book. Yeah, it’s written by Warren Ellis, but who cares? Zombies eat people and people try not to get eaten. It’s the same thing i’ve seen in every zombie product, ever. And it’s not even written well like Walking Dead is. It just is what it is, and that’s another zombie book. Do you get it yet? Wait, let me put on my JMS hat a little tighter: you’ve read this book before! It’s zombies eating people! Zombie! Zombies! Zombie Highway! Escape of the Dead! Walking Dead!

Laura: I like this zombie song you sing, Adan. Sing it again! In truth, I don’t think I “get” the whole zombie thing. I’m not sure what it is about the undead and their mindless, unholy hunger that so compels people. Still, it’s Warren Ellis, so if your craving for zombie is equal to their unstoppable craving for your face, go ahead and pick it up. It’s no Zombie FF, but what is?

Wisdom #1

Adan: This book is also hilarious (man, that’s three and a half out of ten; not bad, comedy)! Pete Wisdom, head of Great Britain’s MI-13, the supernatural division, must repel a fairy invasion with a Skrull, half a telepath, a renegade fairy, and Captain Midlands! Fuck yeah! Watch out Oberon, Pete Wisdom’s coming to kick in yer fey teeth all the way down to yer fey arse!

Laura: England is being terrorized by fairies, so Pete Wisdom and his newly-banded team of misfits travel to the collective unconscious of the U.K., or the Otherworld, to show them what’s what. The writing is very British; it’s also totally disjointed. Dialogue doesn’t flow, so much as it jumps around randomly from panel to panel. In this vein, we get one of the most disturbing splash pages ever towards the end of the book, mostly because it comes out of absolutely nowhere and amounts to being flashed by Pete Wisdom. TMI, sir. TMI. I think I liked you a lot better when you were banging Kitty Pryde.

Adan: You’re crazy. It all flows well, including your so-called TMI scene. It makes sense and it’s funny. What more do you want? At least he’s no longer a statutory rapist like he was when he was banging Kitty Pryde (Warren Ellis is a dirty, old man, isn’t he?)

Laura: What more do I want? I want Pete Wisdom to get a haircut. And then I never, ever, ever want to see his treasure trail again.