Action Comics Annual #10

Adan: This has been touted as a book which lets readers peer into future Superman storyarcs, but all I see here is the resurgence of the Silver Age. Kryptonian criminals, Mon-El, Bizarro World, multi-colored Kryptonite and… are those statues of the old-school Legion of Super-Heroes in the Fortress of Solitude? Oh, sweet Jesus. Well, like it or not, and I certainly do not (except for the Mon-El bit; that’s pretty cool), the Silver Age is back in a big way, with all its silliness and convolutedness intact, one assumes. I just hope to God they don’t bring back the Bat-Hombre. That would require a whole new Crisis all by itself.

Laura: The first story, narrated by Luthor, is about all various ways one could kill Superman, if one wanted. It’s a concept which I think would work really well as an Edward Gorey story. Or Stewie-style musical number. The most interesting thing about this book, for me, is not the way it is, but the way I like to imagine it. And maybe the Mon-El story, but not much else.

Detective Comics #828

Adan: I love what Paul Dini has done here: with the Riddler in particular, and with Detective Comics in general. Dini has turned this book into its namesake: a comic about detecting. Every issue is self-contained and every issue features Batman unraveling a mystery. Sometimes, you get the reformed Riddler attempting to solve the mystery as well, and that makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. When I was watching the Batman Adventures cartoon in my misspent youth, the Riddler episodes were always my favorite because there was always some cool mysteries to solve. Dini gives me both of those things almost every single issue in Detective. Unfortunately, this issue wasn’t one of his best, as the mystery was only so-so, but, you do get a good, old-fashioned team-up between Edward Nigma and the Dark Knight which is pretty damn cool.

Laura: OK, riddle me this. If you were on a party boat in the middle of the ocean and suddenly Batman appeared out of nowhere to rescue a passenger, what conclusions might you possibly come to? Might you think, perhaps, that Batman could be one of the guests at the party? Riddler, despite his supposed first-class intellect and superior riddle-solving ability, doesn’t seem to connect these dots, but whatever. I’ve really enjoyed Dini’s work on Detective, but unfortunately, this isn’t one of his best–If you’re looking for the good stuff, go back and read his last two issues, which featured Joker and Scarface respectively. On the positive side, this is an issue of Detective Comics that is primarily about detectives detecting things, and that’s the kind of semantic accuracy I appreciate.

DMZ v2: Body of a Journalist TP

Adan: The second DMZ TPB features the five part “Body of a Journalist” arc, in which Matty Roth learns what it takes to survive in Manhattan, as well as the “Zee, NYC” standalone, which is basically Zee’s origin story, and “The New York Times” standalone, which is the noob’s guide to New York after hostilities began. Listen, I know Brian Wood (or B-Wood, as I like calling him for no real good reason) is as red as your mom is easy*, but I can’t help loving every thing he writes. It’s like Chairman Mao writing one of your favorite comics: yeah, the guy’s a political moron, but he’s a genius when it comes to spinning yarns. Pick up the first trade, and then come back for this one. You’ll thank me later, and then you’ll feel weird inside for loving the work of Pinko scum.

Laura: I love that you love Brian Wood, Adan, despite your irrational (and very real, folks!) fear of communists. DMZ is pretty good, though, so I have to give you credit for giving credit where credit is due. In “Body of a Journalist,” Matty Roth gets kidnapped, and meets the leader of the Free Armies, a most excellent journalistic scoop indeed. He also has a chance to finally get the hell out of New York, with its suicide bombings and sniper attacks and nasty diseases, but decides that actually… he’d rather stay. The conflict between the crazy Free Armies and the even crazier U.S. Government “is a war of extremes pushing against each other,” says Roth. “But the stories lie in the middle. Here, in the city. That’s the interesting stuff.” He’s sticking around for the interesting stuff, and so am I. And so are you, goddamn it.

Adan: 1) It’s not fear, it’s hatred. 2) It’s not irrational, it’s based on history. How could rational people not hate a form of government which has killed millions of its own people almost every time it’s been implemented? 1072000 in Yugosalvia under Tito, 1663000 in North Korea under Kim Il-Sung and Kim Jong-Il, 1670000 in Vietnam under Ho Chi Minh, 2035000 in Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge, 61911000 in the Soviet Union, 76702000 in China under Mao and the PRC. Estimates are from here. Read the Black Book of Communism too, if you want to know more.

Laura: I’m not espousing Communism or saying that it’s an awesome way to run a country. It’s just that your hatred seems a little arbitrary and disproportionate. I mean, there are lots of bad things in life to hate, but you don’t go after fascists or anarchists or religious fanatics with the same kind of vitriol, or worry that they’re hiding around every corner, like you do with communists. Dude, you suggested I was a sympathizer because I like The Nightly News!

Adan: It only seems disproportionate because everybody else isn’t picking up the slack. You hear all the time about how awful Fascist Germany was and how many people they killed in their concentration camps. However, I never hear about how awful Soviet Russia was and how many people were killed in the Gulags or how awful Mao’s China was and how many people were killed in the Cultural Revolution. Communism seems to be almost mainstream right now, whereas Fascism is not. “Oh, look how cool it would be to have a Dictatorship of the Proletariat.” I will continue to scream about the evils of Communism until people start to listen.

And you might be a sympathizer not because you like that awful book The Nightly News (that just shows you have bad taste), but because you want to overthrow the Bourgeoisie.

*Frankly, that was uncalled for.

Fell #7

Laura: Richard Fell just loooves the Sherlock moment. You know, the big finale of the investigation where the shrewd detective unravels the nefarious plot, retracing the criminal’s steps and fateful missteps and grinning smugly as the evildoer finally stands exposed. Fell lives for that moment, both because he enjoys outwitting these human dregs, and because he really gets off on being a white hat and sticking it to the bad guys. Egotism is a dangerous weakness in almost any business, because in the end it’s really just about you, not the thing you’re trying to do. Fell’s about to learn this lesson the hard way, so grab some popcorn, and enjoy the hubris.

Adan: Okay, literature lesson time (there will be a quiz later): When Icarus flew too high on wings made of wax, the sun melted them and he plummeted to his death. When Oedipus thought he would deny fate, he ended up whacking his dad and boning his mom. When Macbeth thought he had eliminated all contenders for the Scottish throne save himself, Macduff comes over and kills him dead. So what happens when Detective Richard Fell thinks he can put away a murderer easy peasy by laying out all the facts of the case, smirking all the while? I told you there’d be a quiz.

Ghost Rider: Trail of Tears #1

Adan: The War of Yankee Aggression claimed many lives, and many families. Apparently, it also claimed one very special soul for one very special mission. Travis Parham is your run of the mill Confederate soldier. He was, anyway, until a particularly awful battle which ended in Southern defeat left Travis Parham for dead, to be found by a man who’d recently freed himself from slavery. And it’s this man that nurses Travis Parham back from the dead, ready to take vengeance on those that need it. Clayton Crain’s artwork is quite phenomenal in this book. It lends it a spooky feeling that a Ghost Rider book ought to have, even when the Ghost Rider himself is absent. And Ennis’ trademarked blood, guts, and debauchery is absent as well (mostly), proving he can write something that isn’t intended to totally gross you out.

Laura: Ghost Rider is crying a trail a tears, and it’s because he is not actually in this book. No, seriously, he’s not–but it’s pretty good, so who cares? A Rebel soldier is rescued from a bloody battlefield by a fiercely independent freeman, and as he recovers they transcend racial boundaries and gain mutual respect, in a manner that actually does not feel as stilted as it sounds. The art is creepy cool, especially when the nameless African gods of death make all the trees go crazy. No skulls are on fire just yet, but the book ends on an ominous note foreshadowing the crimes to come–and of course, the fiery vengeance bound to follow. Garth Ennis is practically the patron saint of excess, but he’s proved me wrong here, scripting a strong, simple tale that trades shock and flash for subtlety and ambience.

Maintenance #2

Laura: Doug and Manny, it’s official: I really like you guys. Not a like you like you sort of thing, but rather a strong fondness that would optimally lead to beers and Wii tournaments. I just really enjoy spending time with you. I like when you sit around talking about your weird dreams involving Happy Days characters; I like when you argue about disappearing chrono-mops; I like when you go back in time and bro down with over-entitled cavemen. Everything you do makes me smile! There are so many unlikable characters in comics these days, I guess because the operating theory is that being an asshole makes you interesting and complex and real, but I find it so refreshing that Doug and Manny are just nice guys that make me laugh, and still manage to seem more like people than most characters who wear costumes. High five, guys.

Adan: We know that we reviewed the first issue only a month and half ago or so, but no one seems to have listened. This book is ridiculously funny, and you have to read it. Let’s recap: Doug and Manny are janitors for TerroMax, the mad scientists’ answer to Wal-Mart. They clean up toxic spills, fix time machines, and chase down zombie kittens when they leave their cages. And they are nice, even though they work for some dastardly people (although, if all the mad scientists are interested in doing is making Mutant Peanut Armies or Flying Caveman Armies, I think their consciences are clear). Okay dudes, seriously: buy this book. If we did things like give ratings or whatever, this book would get the highest. It would get higher than the highest, it’s so good.

New Avengers #27

Laura: It’s the New New Avengers, reassembled yet again. This time we’ve got Luke Cage, Dr. Strange, Spider-Woman, Iron Fist, Wolverine, Ronin, Echo, and Spider-Man, in his still-unexplained black costume. I know that something Terrible is supposed to have happened, and that the costume now represents the unbearable blackness of his inner being, but Spidey still seems as wise-cracking and jovial as ever. I guess we all grieve in our own unique ways.

Anyway, Echo has been posing as Ronin in Japan for some time now, waging a one-woman war against the Hand and its leader, Elektra. Apparently everyone in the U.S. forgot about Maya Lopez and her vigilante cross-dressing because they were too busy playing Rebs and Yanks, and now she’s in a bit of a jam. Who can she possibly turn to for help? Insert shot of the new New Avengers, bursting through the wall like the Kool Aid Man. Ohhhh yeeeah.

Adan: Ronin was supposed to be this huge deal in New Avengers, appearing on damn near every cover, in fact. Unfortunately, Ronin only appeared in one arc, in which she was outed as Daredevil’s deaf ex-girlfriend Echo. And then nothing. Nothing until this issue (which is expertly drawn by one of my favorites, Leinil Francis Yu), in which she complains that she’s been left alone by the Avengers to fend for herself in Japan, which is essentially true, both in-continuity and from a writing perspective. She got left to rot, and it seems the only reason she’s being brought back is because there’s a new Ronin and I guess we need to make sure it’s not her again. Dammit, Bendis! You used to be awesonme! What the fuck happened?

Secret #1

Laura: There’s a little bit of wish fulfillment going on in this story, as a hot, popular chick invites our protagonist, Tommy Morris, to the cool kids party, and then totally cannot drop her panties fast enough once they’re alone. You know, because casual sex is what hot popular girls like to do with slightly uncool, socially inferior boys in high school. Anyway, the entertainment du jour at the cool kids party is prank calling random numbers and telling people on the other line “I know your secret!” Because that will soooo freak them out! They also tell their victims to come to a deserted local park in the middle of the night, so they can make fun of them. Sounds like the sort of thing that might be a bad idea if you were in a bad teen horror movie, which unfortunately this comic is. Sure enough, one of the people they prank is really scary and responds badly to these crazy kids “knowing [his] secret.” Then the entire high school brain trust heads down the park just to see if he’ll show up—oh, and did I mention they were calling from their cell phones without blocking their numbers? Cue nerve-wracking horror movie music! OooOoo!

Adan: What, now? What the fuck is this? Is this Sorority Slumber Party IV: Stupid Rich Jackasses Get Torn To Pieces Because They’re Stupid Rich Jackasses? Oh man, I have so much contempt for this bull… There is spittle in the corners of my mouth, I am so… Okay, I won’t let it get to me. Don’t buy this. It’s crap. I’m done.

X-men: Phoenix Warsong #5

Adan: “Our hearts are diamond now. Permanently. We’ll never feel anything ever again. But the Phoenix will never escape.” So says Celeste, the more balanced of the Cuckoos (although balanced here is a relative term) at the end of this excremental mini-series. Boo-fucking-hoo, the Cuckoos will never feel anything ever again, and Emma Frost blames it all on Jean Grey, even though she’s been dead for a few years. Whatever, the real tragedy here is that with this bullshit treating of the Cuckoos, all vestiges of the great Morrison run on X-men are gone. Now I’ve nothing but this to look forward to until the Fourth Coming.

Laura: After everything goes to shit because Celeste and the other Cuckoos can’t control the Phoenix, Emma gives a painfully cloying speech about how Celeste is such a strong person, and maybe she really can control the Phoenix! You know, despite the fact that nobody can. “I’m thinking… I’m hoping… That’s why the Phoenix chose you Celeste… I think… I think you have work to do… Phoenix work.” Oh Emma, what have they done to you? You’re supposed to be acerbic and imperious, not a simpering little bitch who cries at the sky and speechifies about hearts and feelings while constantly trailing off into ellipses. The book ends with the Phoenix Force locked away in the Cuckoos’ cold, diamond hearts of symbolism, apparently extinguishing their wooden little emotions. “If I could feel anything… I think I would cry!” Me too, sweetheart. Me too.

And Others…

Adan: So, the much ballyhoed Dark Tower is also out this week. I read it, and I had the same problem I did with The Hedge Knight: it seemed like I was reading an adapted story. But that’s okay because Jae Lee’s art is freaking awesome. Also, he’s really cute (I saw him at the Midtown signing last night). He may be the cutest guy in comics today.

Laura: My, aren’t we fickle. I thought you said BKV was the cutest guy in comics. But now you’ve just tossed him aside for the next pretty face. Shame on you, Adan. Shame on you.

Adan: Actually, I said BKV was the most handsome man in comics (which he still totally is). Jae Lee may be the cutest. And I think Grant Morrison is the sexiest (have you seen that photo where he’s just in his tighty-whities? oh my God, my knees are getting wobbly just thinking about it).

Laura: I can’t say that I’m ready to put any of those guys on the cover of the Teen Beat magazine inside my heart. I think you and I have some very, very different ideas about what makes men attractive.

Adan: Alright, so who would be on the cover of the Teen Beat magazine in your heart? Inquiring minds want to know.

Laura: I’ll never tell. A girl has to have her secrets.