Sorry for the delay folks, but I fell ill with a sickness that has mostly laid me out (it took me an hour and a half to crawl out of bed). Still, I strove to bring you this column by the end of Wednesday. I hope you can forgive me for being so weak. — Adan

1-800-MICE #1

Laura: A lot of drugs went into the making of this comic. The first realization comes in the totally high introduction, which advises people to talk to moss, and then makes a long, rambling comparison between tree bark and TV sitcoms. It also manages to misspell the words “homunculus,” “cell phone” and “niece.” I didn’t know what a coprolith was before reading this, though, so I guess it wasn’t a complete waste.

Take fewer drugs, ok?

Adan: Holy crap, what the hell? It’s like a David Lynch movie, only it doesn’t make as much sense. Which means it makes no sense at all. It’s possible that “talk to moss” and “feel up bark” are just code words for “smoke marijuana.”

Action Philosophers #8

Adan: Casting John Stuart Mill as Charlie Brown has divine inspiration written all over it, which is good because Immanuel Kant proved that God’s existence can neither be proved nor disproved in the strip prior to Mill’s in a “Law and Order” spoof. And then Kant’s successors Georg W.F. Hegel and Arthur Schopenhauer are spotlighted in the third strip. I enjoyed the first two strips a lot more than the third strip, which wasn’t presented as well as the first two. The philosophies of Kant and Mill made a lot more sense than the philosophies of Hegel or Schopenhauer, but maybe that’s just me. This is still a great book and you should all be reading it. It’s philosophically awesome!

Laura: Seconded. The Charlie Brown strip was pretty inspired, and overall this was one of the more accessible issues in the series. I also had the pleasure of meeting the creators at NYCC, and they were fine fellows indeed.

Black Panther #25

Laura: It’s always a toss up with Black Panther. What will I dislike more, the terrible writing, or the borderline insulting content? This week is yet another tough call. Highlights: Sue Storm attacks Clor, announcing like an anime heroine that “you’re my husband’s abomination… and I’m here to abort you!” Storm and Clor go tete-a-tete, and for a moment you think it’s gonna be awesome, but then Hercules cuts in on two of the most powerful women in the Marvel Universe, saying, “I shall take it from here, fair maidens.” And then Invisible Woman and Storm stand on the sidelines in the middle of the climactic battle of the Civil War and cheer him. Yeah.

Then at the end, a TV announcer reports that “the streets of New York were as violent as the fields of Gettysburg.” Seriously? The battle where 50,000 people died? This is just like that? This week’s Front Line helpfully informs us that only 53 people died in the superhero showdown, just for a sense of exactly how ridiculous we’re getting. Whatever. It’s hard to care too much, given that I don’t take this book seriously on any level.

Adan: Laura hits all the major points, but here’s my biggest problem: after Clor wrecks the Wakandan Embassy, Iron Man asks, “Could that be considered an act of war?” The Panther’s response: “That could be considered an act of war.” Really? How about foreign heads of state actively helping American criminals commit acts of terrorism? Could that be considered an act of war? Leaving my personal feelings entirely out of this, the law states super-powered individuals would register, or be considered criminals. When these unregistered super-powered individuals were captured, they were put in prison. Breaking them out of prison is an act of terrorism, especially if explosions are involved. Captain America is a homegrown terrorist and Black Panther is a foreign terrorist, but they are terrorists just the same. Also note that depending on what side you fall, terrorist means the same thing as rebel, which means the same thing as freedom fighter. It all depends on which side of the coin you fall on and which connotation you want to give your subject. For the purposes of what can be considered an act of war, Black Panther is very much a terrorist, and the United States should invade Wakanda in order to dethrone a regime that supports terrorism, much like the United States invaded Afghanistan when the Taliban’s ties to al-Qaeda were discovered. But this will never happen because in the Marvel Universe, actions don’t seem to have repercussions.

Civil War: Frontline #11

Laura: Laura: In this issue, we learn that Ben Urich and Sally Floyd are the worst reporters in the world, that Captain America’s quitter logic makes no more sense in his own head than it does to anyone else, and that Tony Stark is an even bigger crybaby than Steve Rogers. It’s all just bad and nonsensical just like the rest of this series right now, but it actually gets so marvelously stupid at one point that it rounds the corner to “funny-bad.”

Sally Floyd is interviewing Captain America in jail, asking “tough questions” about his involvement in the Civil War. In her mind, this means asking him whether he knows what Myspace is and who won the last American Idol, and when he doesn’t know the answer she starts shouting that he knows “nothing about America!” You heard it in Front Line first, folks. If you don’t watch YouTube videos, you’re not a real patriot.

Adan: Floyd and Urich are awful, awful reporters. They have the story of the century and they don’t report it because… actually, I don’t know why, but I have my guesses. Tony Stark almost starts a war with Atlantis (which is totally started by the Atlanteans’ invasion of the surface world in Civil War #7), and Urich and Floyd know it’s true. They have evidence to back them up and everything. But a story more preposterous than FDR knowing about the attack on Pearl Harbor and letting it happen anyway can’t just be told; the American people are too stupid. We’d just make informed decisions based on this information and put Tony Stark in that fancy jail of his.

Have I mentioned how much I hate this entire storyline? ‘Cause I do. A lot.

Daredevil #94

Laura: Poor Milla Donovan. Her relationship with Matt Murdock has been a rocky ride, but she’s back now for one more round. And as glad as she is to have him back in one piece, she’s starting to remember how much it sucks to be the girlfriend of a superhero, to love someone as vulnerable as is he powerful. And even worse to feel helpless about it all, especially when you’ve spent your whole life trying not to feel helpless. Between competing with his secret identity and the memory of Karen Page, Milla doesn’t have a lot of energy left, but she usually spends it worrying whether or not he’s going to die every time he goes out to fight crime. This issue is her story, and it’s a pretty sad one.

Adan: Is it awful that I don’t care? If Milla were a better character, I might care about her and her place in Daredevil’s world, but I simply don’t. Right now, I see her as an impediment to good Daredevil stories. I may yet be proven wrong, but if this issue is an indiciation of things to come, I could do without Milla Donovan. Although that last scene was rather poignant.

Laura: On the plus side, we get an retrotacular John Romita Sr. cover! Oh, how I long for the day when people remember that dialogue balloons and thought bubbles make comic book covers 100% more interesting.

Doctor Strange: The Oath #5

Adan: The good Doctor has a very important decision to make at the end of this issue, and it’s not whether to save Wong or save the world with the cure-all that is Otkid’s Elixir (aka the MacGuffin). It’s whether or not the Night Nurse’s outfit is kinky enough for his tastes. Bow-chicka-bow-wow, indeed. There’s also something in here about Wong’s cancer and Nicodemus’ assholishness, but the real star of this Dr. Strange mini-series is the Night Nurse. She’s bad-ass, and I hope she stays for a long time to come.

Laura: Finally, a force of evil we can all get behind hating: pharmaceutical companies! Yes, it’s difficult decision time as Dr. Strange weighs the greater good against the life of someone he loves, and he spends a lot of time wringing his abnormally long-fingered hands about it. It’s a pleasing finish to a nice little mini-series, and probably the best BKV book this week.

Also if we can not do the medical fetish thing that would be cool.

Runaways #24

Adan: This is it, BKV’s last issue of Runaways ever (more on him later on). Does Chase sacrifice himself for his love of Gert? Will the other kids show up in time to save him? Well, I obviously know what happens (and you do too, if you’ve seen PCS’ preview of issue #25… whoops), but that’s not importnat here. The most handsome man in comics is ending his run on a title he helped create and I’m sad. No, I don’t think Whedon will be able to write this book as well as BKV has. These were his babies, after all. This is issue was very good, but it was bittersweet.

Laura: This book was… so-so, but yes, bittersweet. The few problems I’ve had with the book throughout its run seems especially prominent here, namely that I don’t always buy Molly’s dialogue, and that sometimes Vaughan forces jokes in serious situations (e.g. the “stoners in donut shops” crack) that just don’t seem to carry. But this is all minor, all bygones, and I hesitate to bring them up at all because it’s been a wonderful, wonderful run, and I’m sad to see it end. Given Whedon’s recent performance on Astonishing, I hope he’s ready to step up and bring his A-game, because this book and these characters deserve it.

Supergirl and the Legion of Super-Heroes #27

Adan: The Legion and the Wanderers attempt to quell a Dominator invasion of Earth, but that’s not so important. At the back of the book, Mark Waid, Kalman Andrasofszky, Barry Kitson, Jim Shooter, and Paul Levitz give a very classy send-off to a man who made sure the Legion of Super-Heroes would be around for generations to come: Dave Cockrum. They state how important Cockrum was in bringing the heroes back from the brink of cancellation and obscurity, and how snazzy those new costumes that he designed were. We’ll miss his gentle laugh, too.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t really want to talk about Supergirl (who didn’t even show up in the book) because it wasn’t a worthwhile issue, and regardless, Dave Cockrum is exponentially more important than whatever stupid thing happens in space this month. Buy the book, rip out the tribute, and throw the rest away for all I care, but give the man his due. David Cockrum, you are missed.

And Others…

Adan: Norwegian cartoonist Jason’s latest translated work The Living and the Dead doesn’t technically come out until next week (if your store goes direct with Fantagraphics, then you have it now), but I can’t stop talking about how awesome Jason is. Every single one of his shorts have been funny, poignant, and interesting, and this zombie-romance-comedy is no different. If you haven’t already, give Jason a shot; you’ll thank me later.

Also out this week is Love Roma v5, the last volume! Oh nos! Love Roma is good, that it pains me to see it end. We talked about the previous volume and told you guys how awesome it was. Go grab all five volumes and laugh and cry alongside Negishi-san and Hoshino-kun as their relationship grows and grows.

And apropos of almost nothing, I went to Comic-Con this last weekend! Yay!

As you can see, I met up with the most handsome man in comics. I told him so, and he said I had “weird taste.” He then said I was the most handsome man at PCS (take that, Jon!). That weird look on my face is because I’m so excited.

And here we have B-Wood’s absence. Maybe he heard I was coming? And what’s that next to his name plate? A copy of Chairman Mao’s Little Red Book that I totally didn’t plant?* Maybe Mr. Wood had to cancel his appearance on Sunday because he had a Comintern meeting to attend, hurm?**

And thank you, dear lady, for reminding me that the Baroness was the sexiest Cobra agent ever. That’s right, Destro, you and your shiny Scottish head have nothing on Eastern European faux royalty.

Laura: This month’s issue of X-Factor rules particularly hard, as Jamie continues his quest to reabsorb his lost dupes and finally be a whole person again. As he collects them from all the lives he could have lived, he finds that some of them have become fully realized, utterly distinct people–and that maybe they don’t belong to him anymore. Which is always sort of the way, with the paths and the people we don’t choose–all the “could-have-beens.” God, I can’t get enough of this series. A month seems like an eternity to wait for the next one, and when was the last time I felt that way?

*Adan totally planted it.
**In all seriousness, we hope nothing is wrong and his absence on Sunday was due to just plain tiredness or being hung over from partying so hard.