Civil War: War Crimes One-Shot

Laura: Sometimes wars are won by the people who are willing to get their hands the dirtiest, and we already know that Tony Stark and the pro-regs are willing to get in bed with the bad boys to achieve their ends. This time around Tony is courting an incarcerated Kingpin, who starts angling for freedom in exchange for taking down Cap and company. Like most of Civil War, this is a reasonably good book that flirts with mediocrity, tries to make you ponder deep questions with limited success, and pulls out a few surprises in the end that you kiiiind of believe. Whatever. I just like seeing Tony Stark getting shanked with a shiv of irony. You got out-douched by whom?

Adan: The best Civil War book so far features little war and even less civility. The Kingpin of Crime throws his considerable weight into the proceedings and he picks a side. The Enforcers, Hammerhead, Underworld, and a bunch of other villains and criminals maneuver their way around the warring heroes, trying to find an in or an out, depending on their point of view. And Turk, Daredevil’s punching bag for years, gets to narrate the story and we get a moment into his personal life, something I don’t think has ever done before. Way to go, Frank Tieri.

Fables #56

Adan: Well look at that. The most heartwarming Christmas story this year comes not from either of the Big Two’s ridiculously stupid specials, but from Bill Willingham, Mark Buckingham, and their cast of Fables. This issue does not focus on Santa Claus as I originally thought, but instead the wolf cub named Ambrose and the Fable he was named after, Flycatcher. If you read the 1001 Nights of Snowfall HC (and you should have, ’cause it’s freaking great), you know how sad the Flycatcher’s story is. It gets sadder here. Read it, but have a hanky nearby.

Laura: Ever wondered how Santa manages to deliver presents to millions of houses in a single night? ‘Cause that never made sense to me when I was a kid. Well, Santa (who is actually a Fable, of course) finally answers the question to my satisfaction in this issue, which features the charming holiday festivities of the Wolf family, and yes, Flycatcher, who reminds us exactly how hard the holidays can be on broken hearts.

Lone Ranger #3

Laura: Just when I thought Jonah Hex was the best Western comic on the shelves, along comes the Lone Ranger. It’s as rough and flinty as any good western should be, but it’s also freakin’ gorgeous. The dust, the blood, and the sweeping western landscapes are stunningly rendered by Sergio Cariello, and even better, it’s one of those rare books whose writing is just as excellent as its art. In this issue Julius Bartholomew shows us how bad the bad guys can be with a series of monstrous acts that leave you aching for justice, just like any good revenge tale should. Hi ho, Lone Ranger. I’m with you all the way.

Adan: Westerns are a guilty pleasure of mine. I have this thing for rough and ready men who do what needs doing when it needs doing, society be damned (in fact, I just recently crowed about Jonah Hex). The Wild West was a wild time, make no mistake about it. And these men, they weren’t heroes like the guys in tights. They were just men. The Lone Ranger is one such man, and Tonto is another. And these guys do what needs doing when it needs doing. And Julius Bartholomew is a bad fucking hombre with seemingly no mercy or remorse whatsoever. That guy needs taking down like I need free comics: fucking badly.

Laura: You have a thing for rough and ready men? Who do what needs doing? Man, you’re practically writing the Brokeback jokes yourself.

Adan: Hey, I’d do Jake Gyllenhaal. He’s no Brad Pitt, but I’d do him.

Laura: Word.

Maintenance #1

Adan: Two janitors work for a company that caters exclusively to criminal masterminds. And then hilarity ensues…. a lot of hilarity. This is the funniest book I’ve read this entire year (except the Franklin Richards book, perhaps). I laughed out loud at least eight times following the adventures of Manny and Doug, and it’s only the first issue. So buy this excellent book by the fine folks at Oni (responsible for other great things like Queen & Country), and read it after Fables for a quick pick-me-up.

Laura: Between the cartoony, slightly absurd art and the batshit, non-sequitur sense of humor, this is the closest I’ve ever seen a comic book get to a Lucasarts adventure game. Manny and Doug play it fairly straight for the first few pages, until one of them makes an offhand reference to the carnivorous zombie kitten they still haven’t gotten out of the vending machine. That, as they say, is when you know. Just do yourself a favor and buy it, ok?

New Avengers: Illuminati #1

Laura: As we learned in the last Illuminati, Charles Xavier, Reed Richards, Tony Stark, Dr. Strange, Namor, and Black Bolt were all part of a secret cabal influencing events throughout the Marvel Universe. So what exactly have they done, besides shoot the Hulk into space? Brian Michael Bendis is so glad you asked, as that’s what this whole miniseries is about. The Illuminati venture into space in the wake of the Kree-Skrull War to lay down the law about bringing alien battles into Earth’s backyard, with somewhat explosive results. Bendis continues to rekindle my love for him, and manages to make me feel a brief affection even for Namor, Asshole of the Deep. If you only read one Civil War title this month, it should be none of them. And you should read this instead.

Adan: Yeah, and maybe if you kiss Bendis, he’ll become a handsome prince like the Flycatcher. But seriously folks, this book actually is good, even if Tony Stark spends most of it naked. At least his junk is covered by shadows and such, unlike poor Peter Parker. That man gets no respect. It’s kind of cool to see this grouping of intelligence and power work as a team. I’m interested in seeing more of these guys, although I do have one question: why does Namor go up into space in only his undies? Put some pants on, man!

Punisher #42

Adan: The final issue of the “Man of Stone” storyarc ends not with Castle’s final meeting with General Zakharov, the Man of Stone, but with his final meeting with that weasily son-of-a-bitch Rawlins. I don’t have to tell you because you know exactly how this is going to end, but the real gem in this issue is Castle’s conversation with his SAS friend Lt. Col. Mitchell. It reveals some stuff about Castle’s character. Who he is as a man, and that’s really good. Also, and I don’t know if this is the same for anybody else, but in the MAX title, I find it very difficult to refer to Castle as “the Punisher.” In the MAX book, he’s Frank Castle, not some guy with a ridiculous super-hero name. Castle isn’t a hero, after all; he’s a cowboy.

Laura: I’ll be honest: I’ve had my problems with Garth Ennis recently. Largely because I feel like he does terrible, ugly things purely for the sake of it, and with such glee that “sadism” and even nastier words spring to mind. But what feels utterly gratuitous in The Boys actually makes sense here. After all, Frank Castle doesn’t do terrible, ugly things just for the sake of it. He does them because they need to be done, and because no one on the side of the angels is terrible or ugly enough to do them. This is book Ennis was meant to write, and the way Frank Castle was meant to be written. And yeah, Rawlins goes down, and it isn’t pretty, but then, it isn’t supposed to be.

Union Jack #4

Adan: The final issue of the mini actually wowed me. Previously in the mini, I was enjoying the focus on international heroes (one gets so tired of the Americans after awhile), and the super-heroics they can pull while repelling terrorist attacks. But that’s all it was, the international Avengers (although the meetings between Sabra, the Israeli hero, and the Arabian Knight, the Saudi hero, were super good). And this last issue gets all political and makes veiled references to the current British administration (as well as our own here in the States) and all of a sudden, this isn’t just a regular super-hero book. This is political commentary.

Laura: I think “wow” is maybe too strong a verb for this book. I’m leaning more towards an absence of disappointment than an excess of enjoyment. There are some political and class issues brought to the forefront in a way that’s not totally heavy-handed, at least until the perhaps inevitable foray into speechifying that caps off the final pages. Still, it’s a fun ride and probably worth the $2.99 admission.

Wasteland #5

Adan: The Big Wet, the name for whatever fucked up the world, has left it barren, a wasteland. Zombie-like creatures roam the deserts looking for stragglers to eat and what few cities there are, are run by megalomaniacal, self-proclaimed messiahs. Sunners, men and women who still worship Mother Sun, are marginalized and enslaved. This is another really great series by Oni Press. Unfortunately, this is a horrible issue to start with. Luckily, Oni trades its stuff in a timely manner, so you should get the first trade as soon as it comes out and read about this post-apocalyptic world.

Laura: Reading this book felt a lot like playing Wasteland: the Playstation 2 game. Seriously, if this issue is any indication, the series would make a pretty great shooter. Sand people start popping up left and right, and lo, there is many a head shot. This issue made me long for banthas. And sniper rifles. And the first four issues. Looks like I’m not getting anything on that wish list, though, so I’ll wait for the trade with the rest of you.

Y – The Last Man #52

Laura: In the opening pages of this issue, Dr. Matsumori confesses that he has always been afraid of women. And in light of the gendercide creating an entire world composed only of women, he has decided to give up entirely. To cash out on behalf of the male gender, kill himself and Yorick, and run away from all the women instead of learning how to live with them. It’s the refrain of every broken and terrified (heterosexual) heart in the world: women and men ain’t ever gonna get along, so why not just say the hell with the opposite sex? Yorick Brown knows the answer: Because the only way men and women—the only way people get through this world is together, no matter how hard that is sometimes. “So why don’t you stop being such a pussy,” he asks Matsumori, “and man the fuck up?” Damn. Consider this your Bar Mitzvah, Yorick Brown, because today, you truly are a man.

Adan: For a book predicated on only one human male left on the planet, there certainly are a lot of dudes around. It’s almost a sausage fest over here. I kid, I kid. As well as being the most handsome man in comics, BKV also writes some damn good books. This the end of the “Motherland” storyarc, and while most of it is super-great, I can’t figure out why Hero, Beth (with Yorick’s little girl), Natalya, and Ciba (with a baby BOY!) are hanging around a busy French dock talking about the Last Man like it’s yesterday’s fucking news. If the Israeli army is coming after you because you’re gonna lead them to Yorick, maybe you should shut the fuck up lest you give yourselves away. I’m just saying.