BOMB QUEEN: As the dictator of my own city EVERY week is dedicated to me – unless people want to die horrible deaths. Par for the course being a super villain and all that. TV Sex shows 24 hours a day, public degradation and hangings, free drugs and all the good stuff. Nothing like New York’s Spider-Man week, which bores me to suicide. I don’t know how you handle it all, honey. Perhaps Snake & Lou can get all excited about naked men in spandex, but I prefer my men just naked.

ROB REILLY: Truthfully, a week “devoted” to me would consist of me applying to DC, Marvel, Pixar, and a few other companies with little or no response.

LOU: Every week is Union Week in River City!

SNAKE: Yeah, you can’t spit wit’out hittin’ some shlub in mask in our grimey little town.

LOU: And River City has hosted “PlushFest” for three years running… so when that show comes around, things get even crazier! Last year’s “PlushFest” was broken up by the cops!

SNAKE: Those damn Furries give me da’ creeps.

LOU: Something about sexual deviance and underground por– Actually… Snake, didn’t you get stuck in County for the weekend with some of th–

SNAKE: LOU!!!

LOU: That must’ve been some weekend.

SNAKE: The Union of Novelty Costumed Performers ain’t got no comment regardin’ no Furry convention and we wuz acquitted of any and all related charges.

CODE: Sorry I missed last week. I had a bit of trouble getting out of a death trap. Look, the paparazzi are the price you pay for being famous. He should not be mad at the paparazzi, he should be mad at is his parents they are the ones who named him “Tobey”.

BOMB QUEEN: Fact is, any white boy named, “Tobey” must have a secret hate burning deep inside him since his Elementary school days. And now this hate-filled sociopath has the power of a film star? This whole camera slap is just the tip of the iceberg, trust me… as a villain, I know how these things rise to the top.

SNAKE: I heard ‘dat Frodo kid from Lord o’ da Rings stabbed a guy in ‘da face five times fer cuttin’ him in line at the Taco Shack.

LOU: At least he didn’t throw a sack of baked beans at the guy like Hugh Grant. Such a waste of good beans.

ROB REILLY: This video makes him look like such a dick. I feel extremely bad for “celebrities” who are harassed by the Papparazzi (those people are scum) but this clearly was a fan who just wanted a picture. What’s next, is he gonna call up Kristen Dunst a pig in a voicemail message?!

DR. SELA MATHERS: Isn’t Peter Parker a photographer himself? I would think he’d be more sympathetic. Come on Tobers, you should be relaxing this week knowing that your movie is going to break more records. People just never get it do they?

SNAKE: And that’s why he had to die!?

LOU: This reminds me of that time Quackers spilled a bowl of chili down his mask…

SNAKE: Hold it – I’m still tryin’ ta’ wrap my head around Cap getting’ the death penalty fer’ stuffin’ his shorts.

LOU: …and it soaked all the way through to his legs — what a mess! Ha ha.

SNAKE: Jeeze, I mean I ask broads to “Touch It” all da’ time, n’ I just get slapped… so, since when was stickin’ ‘Mexican’ down yer pants a crime?

LOU: I thought Bucky was Irish.

DR. SELA MATHERS: The scary thing about this story is that he was a doctor! Not making us doctors look too good are ya captain? And why use a friggin’ burrito; I mean what posseses one to do that? “I need to stuff my pants, oh wait, I know, I’ll use a brittle, messy burrito!”

ROB REILLY: This is the funniest thing I have ever heard of! Why a burrito? Actually I heard about this incident this past weekend at the Pittsburgh Comic Con while I was doing the CBDLF “Sketch-off” and had to draw Captain America wiith a burrito in his pants. Caption read: “You wanna go South of the Border”.

BOMB QUEEN: And when you ass clowns are all done with Dr. Raymond please return him back to my town. We try to keep a lid on the city limits, but we get a few escapees from time to time. But props to my boy for pimpin’ in a hero costume. I mean, if you’re gonna recruit some white slave crack ho’s then why not spit your game decked as the ultimate super soldier. A pimp’s gotta have an angle, you know. Can you imagine his backhand? Or dropping to your knees and giving him some “red skull”? It’s hard to be a costume playa nowadays – especially in your uptight cities with rules, laws and regulations. Land in jail for just touching your super burrito and slappin’ someone’s ass? Give it up, uptight girlfriend. Now that I think about it… Dr. Sela Mathers and this Dr. Raymond Adamcik should get together.

DR. SELA MATHERS: I say if it’s not green than it’s not Kryptonite. I don’t care about all the chemical make-up mumbo jumbo. Kryptonite = Green.

CODE: OK news flash. I’m a fictional character. Superman is a fictional character. There is no such thing as Kryptonite. What’s next-Stevie Wonder diagnosed with ‘Radar Sense?’

BOMB QUEEN: What the hell…? Are you people really this goddamn stupid? Scientific connection with Superman’s weakness? Chemical composition of Kryptonite? Ram me with 10 inches of Cap’s burrito because I could never swallow that load of crap. Critical thinking against the law in your cities? How can this ever be tested? Be proven? Any Supermen around? Hell, I’ll even take Shaq O’Neal as a test case. Ignorant sluts, even the aliens in Area 51 are laughing behind you.

LOU: Scientists also discovered an Earth-like planet a few billion light years away orbiting a red sun! The dawn of the supermen is upon us—Glee!!!

SNAKE: Yeah, and when Lou puts on glasses, you can’t recognize that he’s a morbidly obese idiot.

SNAKE: Holy crap… you got politics and race in one question?! What happened to cracking wise about Daredevil or the Wonder Twins??? Next yer gonna ask me why I hate da’ French!

LOU: In Snake’s defense, he hates everyone equally. Especially the French.

SNAKE: Next question!

ROB REILLY: > I don’t know what to say about this really. Of course, being a creator I am a strong believer in my 1st Amendment rights. On the other hand, being a shell of a man, I think some things are somewhat inappropriate, that why when I draw racist cartoonist I use the pen name Steven Walters. Who’s gonna yell at a black cartoonist for doing “black” humor?

DR. SELA MATHERS: Didn’t Ted Danson already teach us that a white person in “blackface” is a really stupid idea?

BOMB QUEEN: She’s an asslicking two-faced, politician married to a pole smokin’, blue dress spraying politician, and you idiots are all up in arms about her “black act”? Give her a break, she’s only doing her job. You little people demand the leaders be like you, rep you, sympathize with you – then they put on the “face” and you’re insulted? This is why killing stupid people is legal in my town. Why not hang Bush for talking Spanish in Texas and New Mexico? You dumbass knee-jerk media loving tree-huggin’ liberals – open your eyes. On one hand you bitch about Obama not being black enough and on the other Hilary is too black to be white. What you need is a dictator, not elected officials. I’m glad to be in my city away from you morons. Well, Rob Reilly is okay in a sadistic kind of way… now maybe if he ran for office…?

CODE: How stupid do people think Black people are? You can’t influence Black people with changes in your voice. That’s a stereotype. Stereotypes are so ridiculous. Everyone knows if you want to reach Black people you need chicken…no sorry that’s wrong and I should not have said that. You need chicken and hot sauce.

BOMB QUEEN is a super villain who controls an east coast city with deadly force, yet her citizens love her for it. Crime is legal, but only within the city limits as agreed with the government. [www.comicspace.com/jimmykitty/]

CODE (the only name he knows) woke up one morning in a luxury apartment with no memory of his past. No memory of his past but an awareness of incredible physical abilities and resources. Having these abilities and resources gives him little reprieve from what else he knew — that until he defeated evil in the form of Steven Dark he would face a daily torment and the possible lost of his soul. [theguardianline.com]

DR. SELA MATHERS is a literature professor who specializes in Fairy Tales and Fables. Sela in fact posseses the ability to transport others into an alternate Fairy Tale World where her usually unwilling participants must make choices that will drastically affect their lives. And in many instances, when one doesn’t heed Sela’s guidance, that person probably won’t be living happily ever after. You can learn more about Sela and her Grimm Fairy Tales at [www.zenescope.com ]

ROB REILLY is a self-loathing, self-published comic artist struggling to get ahead in the industry. You’ll be him someday. [www.skatoonproductions.blogspot.com]