Dear Mr. President:

You’re awesome and I think you know it. Awesome on so many levels that are important to me. You’re a cool, likable guy. You’re a good husband and father. You value things like science, communication, transparency, and personal growth. You’ve got a sense of logic AND of humor.

You’re also very much in touch with popular culture. You are of the times, rather than a relic of some old broken system. You’ve name checked Spider-Man, Batman, and Conan the Barbarian as your favorite comic characters growing up. You’re in almost as many comics in 2009 as Wolverine. You’ve been made into more than one style action figure, with multiple points of articulation and a kung-fu battle grip. You kill flies like the Karate Kid. You sound like The Rock when you speak. Better than simply being “the president I’d want to have a beer with,” you’re the president who actually solves problems with beer. You truly speak for the people on the issues they care about. You look like you genuinely enjoy taking geeky photo ops like this one:

There’s no doubt that you are the cool geek president, the Comic Con President!

BUT for fuck’s sake man, stop dicking around watching the VMAs and playing with toys for a few days and sort this healthcare shit out! Are you really going to let the idiot fringe bully you into conceding the parts of reform that would have actually CHANGED THE SYSTEM?!

Forget “cool geek”…you’re coming off like just another spineless nerd.

Man up, Obama. And in words your enemies–those bullies who have somehow paralyzed your common sense with their ignorant unfounded fears about death panels and socialism and one nation under Alah–will surely appreciate: GET ER DONE!