Platform: Xbox 360, PS3
Publisher: THQ
Developer: Nihilistic

Conan will pick you up and slam you on your skull quicker than the biggest WWE wrestler could ever imagine. That’s also the biggest drawback I found in the game. Conan’s a lot like losing your virginity. At first it’s interesting, then it’s great, then it becomes a bit repetitive, and then it’s over. And like losing your virginity the fact that it’s over so fast is usually a good thing. Conan doesn’t differ much in these respects. Still, we’re about to find out how this classic, hack ‘n slash action title stacks up to more recent competition; namely God of War and Heavenly Sword.

Conan gets definite nods for its presentation. The visuals are sharp and polished; though at times they can be bland. However in Conan’s favor the environments are vast enough and change frequently enough that your eyes never get bored. Another good reason Conan will draw you in is the interactive environments. Anything from a boulder, to a campfire, to a weapons rack can become a way to more efficiently dispatch the enemy. And that is the ultimate point of Conan, to kill as many foes as possible in as brutal and entertaining a fashion as you can. And thanks to some simply barbaric animations, fights are a real treat with dismemberments and decapitations galore. You really will be amazed at some of the truly painful combinations you will pull off. What probably won’t amaze you however is the mediocre music and voice acting in the game. Though Conan is voiced by a fairly well by a known character actor, Ron Perlman, and nothing is truly that terrible about the audio in the game, a few more lines of dialog to break up the repetition would have been welcome.

But what really draws a comparison to God of War or Heavenly Sword you may be asking? How about the entirety of the gameplay. The combo system consists of strong attacks, weak attacks, and grabs/throws. You can buy new combos with experience earned by killing foes, the better a combo you use to kill the better the payoff, both visually and experience-wise. As you progress through the game you’ll pick up pieces of Conan’s mystical armor which will allow area of affect spells to help when outnumbered. Does any of this sound familiar? Conan does however allow players to pick up the weapons of downed enemies and each weapon style allows for different combos. Basically there are four styles; one handed weapon, one handed weapon and shield, dual one handed weapons, and two handed weapons. What is cool about this is that you can throw any weapon you pick up and add ranged attacks to your arsenal essentially. At times range will be your friend because many of the enemies block everything you try to throw at them and two or three at a time can easily overwhelm you. Mastering the timing of your block to parry is essential to success later in the game. And though there are a few puzzles thrown in the game they are so simple that they don’t break the pace of the game and keep the killing to a maximum.

With so much destruction and mayhem my only complaint is that the game only takes 6 to 7 hours to complete on the standard difficulty (that’s including some unusually long load times). And unless you’re an achievement whore there isn’t much of a reason to replay the game. Though the overall brevity of the game does help keep it from becoming stale, two to three more hours would have been nice. Though I do suspect some may spend two to three additional hours fighting the final boss alone.

As much as I would like to say Conan is a quality albeit unoriginal game that many should consider for purchase, I just can’t. The $59.99 price tag on a six hour game isn’t justifiable to me. That’s ten dollars and hour! The movies are cheaper than that even if you buy five dollar popcorn. Conan’s charm lies in the fact that it doesn’t over extend itself trying to break the mold, it takes a proven formula and re-packages it in a fun and flashy way. Perhaps if it were bargain priced I’d be saying something completely different. But since you can rent Conan and beat it without a late fee, I say do just that and move on. There are plenty of blockbusters coming out this Holiday season that will be worth your $59.99.