04 Apr, 2008

The K.O. and Return of Superman

by Gavin Jasper of 4thletter!

Last weekend was Wrestlemania 24, where boxer Floyd Mayweather fought “The Big Show” Paul Wight. The whole idea of an outsider celebrity making an appearance to fight off a wrestler on their home turf has been done a lot, especially at Wrestlemania. It’s usually the same thing, where the celebrity is the good guy, the wrestler is the bad guy and the celebrity wins to the cheers of the crowd. Things were a little bit different this time around.

Sure, Mayweather did win, but the crowd wasn’t happy about it. Even though Big Show was supposed to be the bad guy, he’s way too likeable and being wrestling’s version of the Juggernaut, the crowd refused to buy the tiny Mayweather as winning. Not just that, but Mayweather’s on-air persona was completely unlikeable and almost impossible to get behind. The most important aspect is that the people watching the event are wrestling fans and wrestling fans are tired of seeing their guys lose to a special guest appearance.

That makes me think of a comic with a similar match-up. The most popular boxer of the era takes on an almost invincible superhero in the ring. Unlike Mayweather/Show, this crossover worked out quite well. Of course, I’m talking about Superman vs. Muhammad Ali by Denny O’Neil and Neil Adams.

When I discuss comics with people who don’t know too much about them, I always like to bring up Superman vs. Muhammad Ali. The mere mention of its name always gets an amusing reaction, only to be followed up with the even more shocked realization when I insist that not only is it good, but it’s one of my all-time favorite comic books.

First off, look at how great that cover is. It’s a wrap-around with the audience made up of DC characters, 70’s celebrities and the DC staff. As far as I know, it’s the only time Juan Epstein and Plastic Man have ever been seen together and that in itself is very special.

At the time, back in 1978, the issue took a while to come out. By the time it did, Ali was no longer the champion. In the Marvel world, Spider-Man made reference to this.

Hey, Spidey, you know what? Fuck you! When Marvel did their own “blue alien boxer fights Earth’s superheroes to see if their planet is worthy” story four years later, they didn’t even invite you! They had Wonder Man, Doc Samson and Sasquatch there but the Champion of the Universe wouldn’t give you the time of day. And while I’m at it, Spider-Man, when Superman was convinced Lois Lane was murdered by Manchester Black, he took it like a man. No devil deals or trying to exact vengeance while wearing a black costume. And you know what else? When Superman became an asshole in his awful third movie, at least he was man enough to grow stubble to show he was dark. Yeah, that’s right. None of that emo douche shit, you dancing pansy.

Sorry, where was I? Oh, right. Muhammad Ali.

The lateness of the issue may have been annoying at the time, but now it doesn’t matter. The fact that Ali wasn’t the champ doesn’t matter. Muhammad Ali is Muhammad Ali. He’s one of the few who would become more than just a celebrity, but an icon. He is the face of boxing, far more than Leon Spinks or Mike Tyson (who could have been like Ali if he hadn’t become a psycho) or Floyd Mayweather. Ali is someone who transcends being just a real person and becomes a larger than life personality. He’s like Lincoln, Elvis, Bruce Lee, Mr. T, Frank Sinatra, etc. That’s why this entire confrontation is so perfect. After all, what is Superman if not a larger than life personality that stands the test of time?

The story begins with Clark, Lois and Jimmy interviewing Ali at a Metropolis blacktop. A blue alien named Rat’lar shows up, immediately smacking Lois and getting punched back by Ali for it. Clark sneaks off to become Superman and sees that Rat’lar’s people, the Scrubb, have the world surrounded by a huge armada. They’re more than powerful enough to beat Superman and even if he tried to stop them, he wouldn’t be able to protect all of Earth.

Rat’lar explains that his people see Earth as a threat due to their destructive ways and challenge their champion to fight the Scrubb’s champion for the fate of Earth. If they lose or forfeit, the world will be destroyed. Superman and Ali each argue over who should represent Earth.

I suppose you could make this argument an analogy over hero worship. Superman may be able to crush a lump of coal into a diamond, but at least Ali is a real guy. He’s something you can aspire to be.

It’s agreed that Superman and Ali will box each other to decide who will defend the Earth, with Superman’s powers nullified by a red sun. The two are given 24 hours to train, but using some of his Kryptonian gizmos, Superman is able to stretch that one day into two weeks. During that time, Ali teaches Superman the sweet science. Seeing him go over each kind of punch is one of the book’s highlights.

“Okay… First, a jab. A jab is a question: ‘Hey… You there? You got anything to show me?’ A hook begins as a question and ends as a statement! If the statement is strong, he’ll be starin’ at the ceiling! A right-cross is an argument! You’re arguin’ that he oughta go to sleep! ‘Course, you gotta be convincin’! An uppercut is a clean statement – comes out of nowhere… and when it connects, the statement ends in an exclamation point!”

Soon the two find themselves on the Scrubb’s craft, where they meet the winner’s eventual opponent, Hun’ya. Rat’lar goes over how strong he is and asks for a demonstration.

When it’s time for the fight, much of the universe tunes in. They dropped the ball by not having any major DC aliens check it out. Imagine Desaad and Kalibak sitting on the couch, eating popcorn. Maybe Despero and Starro throwing down bets somewhere. At least they do have Adam Strange checking things out. That’s good enough, I suppose.

Jimmy Olsen is given the job of commentating for the fight. He announces as our two heroes go at it. For a little while, it seems pretty even. Superman has learned enough to handle himself against even Ali. Still, he’s only the pupil and he’s no longer invulnerable. Once Ali gets some steam going, Superman can’t keep up and gets the tar beaten out of him. The thing is, he won’t go down.

Superman takes the beating of a lifetime from the professor himself and stays on his feet. Lois begs for someone to end the fight. Finally, deciding enough is enough, Ali walks away from Superman. The robot ref holds Ali’s hand up in victory, a moment before Superman finally gives in and passes out.

That is probably the best way to have done the fight. For a fight that’s lopsided either way, both guys come out looking good. Superman showed that behind all the superpowers, he’s still a spirited man willing to sacrifice his body. Ali defeated Superman in a fight. Even when you go into the circumstances, it’s still pretty major. Hey, if we give Batman credit for beating Superman while wearing a kryptonite ring, we can give Ali a little consideration. Still, you can easily argue that he still needs to prove himself. Good thing he still has that fight with Hun’ya.

As for Superman, his beaten body is taken away and sent back to Earth. There’s some crazy stuff going on where Superman and Ali’s corner man have switched places. Superman sneaks around, punches out guards, impersonates Rat’lar, tells the armada to leave Earth, steals a spaceship and flies towards a yellow sun until back to his normal invulnerable self. There’s a cool part where when preparing to attack a guard, Superman kisses his own fist. I guess it’s more than just ring skill that’s been rubbing off on Kal-El.

Things get even stranger when the goddess Athena shows up out of the blue and deems herself referee. Uh… okay.

The following few pages and the exchange between Rat’lar and Ali are absolutely fantastic.

“All right, Ali – You are famous for predicting the exact round in which you win. Then predict!! Predict! –Or has the power of Hun’ya so numbed your brain? Has fear of our superiority finally wiped out your arrogant defiance? Predict, arrogant buffoon! And should you be wrong – my ARMADA – WILL – REDUCE – YOUR – WORLD – TO – A – SMOLDERING — ROCK!”

“Okay, alien – you want a prediction, you got one! He’ll hit the floor in four! He’ll hit the floor in four! An’ furthermore…

“I promise you… I promise you… Hear my voice now—I’m gonna knock Hun’ya out! I’m gonna destroy Hun’ya! DEE-STORY Hun’ya! They’re all gonna tell me after this fight – Muhammad Ali is the greatest of all TIME-AND-SPACE! I’m gonna destroy Hun’ya! I’m getting’ MAD! I’m gonna knock Hun’ya OUT!

“I’m ready… I ain’t never been so ready! If I got any badder I’d be scared of myself! After this fight, they gonna say Ali is terrible!! They ain’t gonna say I’m good – I’m GREAT! I’m BAD! They’re gonna say I’m TERRIBLE! I’m gonna hear the word terrible… I’m MAD! I’m terrible! I’m gonna DEE-STORY!!

“I’m glad I got the stage set! All these suckers are thinkin’ this is a tough fight! I’m gonna give ‘em all a lesson! I’m gonna whup ‘im an’ spank ‘im! I’m the GREATEST! I’m the KING!!”

Come, now. Is it really too much to ask that they get a time-displaced Muhammad Ali circa 1978 to join the Justice League? He’s way better than Geo-Force.

Against Hun’ya, Ali starts off looking good, but much like Superman in their earlier fight, the moment he takes some real damage, he loses his cool. Hun’ya demolishes Ali and succeeds in knocking him down again and again. It’s only the ringing of the bell that saves Ali from more punishment. By the time round four begins, Rat’lar makes a proposition. If Ali gives up and Earth surrenders, he’ll allow everyone on the planet to live as slaves.

The very idea pisses Ali off something fierce. He gets back into the fight and terrorizes Hun’ya. Fearing that Hun’ya might lose, Rat’lar calls up his armada to get their asses back to Earth and blow it up anyway. Rat’lar’s fears are correct as not only does Ali punch out Hun’ya, but he punches him through the ropes and into the crowd.

Rat’lar announces to everyone that the fight was won with trickery and he’s going to destroy Earth despite the victory. On his projector screen, everyone sees Superman take on Rat’lar’s entire armada, trying to disable them before they can reach Earth. Hun’ya gets his bearings and watches in awe.

But while this is the super-strong Pre-Crisis version of Superman, he still can’t hang with the Scrubb armada. There are too many and he overexerts himself. Soon he floats lifelessly in space as Rat’lar laughs. Hun’ya doesn’t.

The giant yells at Rat’lar for being a coward without honor and threatens to tear his throat out if he says another word. Go Hun’ya!

They take in the unconscious Superman and revive him. Hun’ya apologizes for Rat’lar’s actions. He had convinced them all that Earth’s people were evil and dishonorable. Rat’lar screwed himself over by forcing this tournament, which showed what its two champions were made of. Ali and Lois seem pleased that in the end, it was fair play that saved Earth.

Days later, Ali and Superman meet up again and do the usual Silver Age final page recap. You know, the point where they fill in the blanks for the rest of the story. Ali congratulates Superman on putting up a real good fight and then refers to him as Clark Kent. Back in the very first scene, Superman made a slight mistake that Ali picked up on and used it to figure out the dual identity. Not offended at all, Superman instead shakes Ali’s hand as the boxer announces, “Superman, WE are the greatest!”

No matter how many crossovers they do, there will never be another comic like this one. Not only does Ali come off as a badass here, but it’s one of the most enjoyable Superman stories I can think of. It’s a wacky concept, but then again, isn’t that what Superman’s all about? We have an alien in colorful underwear flying around and shooting stuff with laser eyes, but when you add a real person to the mix it becomes too strange? Okay.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go drink a McDonald’s vanilla milkshake. I don’t know why. Their shakes aren’t even that good. They’re really just kind of fair.

…goddamn Spider-Man…

- David Brothers