Sirui: I thought, especially given that they are used to size 0 waifs, the designers did a really good job. The clothes were feminine, modest, and even a bit sexy. They should design maternity wear all the time!

Jon: I don’t know if I need to see more huge models, but you’re right, previous designers have generally had a bad time overall when it came to designing bigger sizes but this group did pretty well all around.

Sirui: Plus-size is kind of eh, but I am fascinated by maternity stuff! I love the belly!

The Workroom:

In the workroom, the designers are excited, but confused. Tailored versus drapey? Silk versus jersey? And exactly where does the baby go? Others are less practical in their planning. Malvin’s muttering about the egg, and the mother hen.

Sirui: Did he not learn anything from Ari’s elimination?

Jon: I think he’d have to be on the same planet as her, or at least the other designers, for him to have learned anything from that.

Sirui: His dress in the first round was sane though. He is capable of normalcy, when he’s not married to THE EGG.

Sirui: Tim comes to critique. Some of the designs are looking really lovely, some not so. Malvin gets more and more literal and tells Tim that he is making pants to turn a woman’s legs into chicken thighs. Hm.

Jon: I am worried that Malvin is going to make us both look foolish for having publicly expressed our interest in him in the first episode. Also, I am amazed at Tim’s ability to resist rolling his eyes or making other faces to the camera for the audience in reaction to the terrible ideas/attitudes he sometimes encounters. But instead he just says “You’re not boring me”. Which is perhaps just as great.

Sirui: The designers themselves play critic. Mitchell encourages Ra’mon, but compares the dress to a bowling ball bag. I like Ra’mon’s thinking (design a fun dress, that happens to be a preggo-dress—rather than a preggo uniform), but Mitchell’s right. The dress is retro cheap.

Jon: It should be noted that Ra’mon came up with this concept after taking the judges’ advice not to play it too safe (after last time) too far.

The Runway:
The designers parade their outfits —- mostly cute drape dresses and tunics in brighter colors. Louise, Althea, and Shirin come out on top. Shirin’s super wearable dress beats out Althea’s gown, and wins this week’s challenge. Ra’mon sucked, but not as badly as Mitchell and Malvin. Mitchell showed poor execution skills, but Malvin got sent home for overlooking practical fashion aesthetics to fulfill an abstract concept. Bye Malvin!



Sirui: From the Safes, I took note of Epperson and Logan. With Logan I thought the gold leather color was adorable, but I was especially keen on Epperson’s jumpsuit. The fabric (off-white jersey) looked sophisticated, and I love the length on it too, with the crinkling at the ankles. I hear pregnant folk need to pee a lot, so maybe a jumpsuit’s a bad idea. But I would have liked to see him in the final three.

Jon: Logan’s made his model’s belly protrude even more — but in a proud, classy way? If that’s possible. Epperson’s did look sophisticated and should’ve been a contender for Top 3.

Sirui: ::smirk:: He was a contender for the top three. Technically, they all were.

Jon: You know what I meant! But hey, since winning Project Runway is one of “bucket list” items, think of it as your first step toward your goal…

Sirui: Louise doesn’t impress me, I am biased against the 1940s. From the top two, I really had a hard time deciding between Althea’s and Shirin. Althea’s was gorgeous, from the midnight navy to the open back cut to the ribboning around the bust. But Shirin’s I could actually wear. It’s a happy dress!

Jon: Hmm. I liked Louise’s, even though it did look a little lingerie, as the judge’s noted. Althea’s had it’s strengths but even the smart choice of dark navy couldn’t stop me from thinking it was made of jersey (which people kept mentioning and mentioning) and therefore cheap. She certainly dressed it up nice though.

Sirui: I disagree with Jon on the fabric choice- I thought it was a great pick! Jersey is soft and stretchy, ie super comfy, perfect for preggos. And it’s while it’s not standard evening wear fabric, it can be kinda lux for a flowy day top or dress. Chanel used it!

Jon: I stand corrected! Admittedly it didn’t *look* cheap. Still, I liked Louise and Epperson’s better than Althea’s. But who cares — the important thing is that Shirin won! Her’s was my favorite. Plus as we mentioned last week, she’s a cutie. Go Shirin!

Sirui: Mitchell has a sharp eye for ready to wear, once again proves that he can’t sew. He really can’t. But I agree with the judge’s decision. I love Malvin a lot, but his design was bizarre and ugly. Chickens are really weird.

Jon: Mitchell’s outfit had attitude but was really horribly put together. Heidi said, “It looked like I sewed it. And I can’t sew”. I wouldn’t have minded if he Mitchell had been the one to go, especially seeing how it was his second time in the bottom. I liked Malvin too for some reason. He was another bizarre but charming, quiet Asian guy, in the mold of Top Design’s Wisit. I like to think that if he’d stayed we would’ve had a challenge or two that played to his eccentricities and seen something unimaginably unusual and winning.

Out of the Safes, I liked Carol’s and Irina’s off-gold gowns (I’m going through a beige phase, it’s very Old World Lovely), and Nicolas’s petite woven dress. Carol’s execution on the bust was cluttered and prickly, but I liked her aristocratic concept. Irina’s had strong visual impact with the open back. It made a great first impression but on second (closer) look though, it was kind of tarty. Nicolas’s was my favorite. The black and charcoal weaving was adorable, as was his flirty low back. The ribboning reminds me a Kitsune tail. An eveningwear Kitsune tail.

I wasn’t impressed really with the top three. Ra’mon I thought was generic. Johnny’s color palate was about as tasteful as Hot Topic. (Though he gets points for the cut—it moved so playfully.) And Christopher’s dress, hip and fun as it is, feels like it’s been done several times over. It’s probably been stolen by Forever 21 several times over. Come on. Step it up guys.

As for the losers, Mitchell should have been the one to go home. Okay so Ari’s a bit out there. I couldn’t quite tell if it was a dress or a romper—neither, it’s a halter tunic, over shorts—and couldn’t think of any celebrity calling her up for her mystery garment. Does she even have a phone? But the design was actually kind of cute. So it wasn’t Red Carpet. So her explanation made no sense (no one would wear it to the Nobel Prizes). So the girl dressed like a deranged hippie-clown. It was the only design the stood out! It is a misstep to punish a designer for showing innovation, particular when it’s the first show. And come on, her competitor made the naked dress. Come on.


Conclusion:
Will I keep watching? Sure, I will keep watching. I been waiting for this so long that I will keep watching even if I wanted a pony and I got a dead hamster. But don’t take advantage of my desperation, Lifetime. Cut down on the heartwarming personal stories. They’re really not that heartwarming. More sketching, more workroom, more runway. I just want to see the clothes! More clothes!

Ernie: Man it seemed like forever for the new season. New York is exciting not because of all the flavors in the city, but all of the top level chefs sure to find their way in as judges.

Jon: There are 17 cheftestants to start, and if you’re thinking that seems like a lot, you’re not alone — the producers send two home in this opening episode.

Ernie: They may be big in numbers, but this may be the skinniest cast yet. What happened to never trusting a skinny chef? There’s a lot of skin and bones out there. Speaking of skinning, when Richard filleted his finger in the Quick-Fire I thought we were going to see a horror show.

Jon: The three-stage Quick Fire actually ends up being an elimination challenge, and Army wife Lauren and culinary student Patrick end up in the bottom two; interestingly, they had met previously at CIA (Culinary Institute of America where Patrick is still attending).

Ernie: That school needs to be shut down. Two cooks with no inspirational cooking. And it pays not to know any of your other competitors. Lauren’s probably the first person to go home with a dish that had bacon in it.

Jon: I was surprised Patrick is spared since I thought Lauren could have been likely drama & conflict provider. Her parting thoughts: “I can’t believe I lost on apples.”

Ernie: Way to go, girl. Oh and, Radhika saying that she needs 20 minutes to set her knives? Her ass isn’t lasting long on this show.

Jon: The remaining cheftestants move into their new digs — and I imagine I’m not the only New Yorker to wish my apartment was anywhere near as big & expensive.

Ernie: Don’t you love how these “turistas” come in a live better in two months than native New Yorkers for two years. I always get excited to see the pad, dating back to the early seasons of Real World. I’m really showing my reality show age here…

Jon: I’d laugh, but I’m older than you! Anyway, the downtime allows the cheftestants to get to know each other a bit, and viewers to start picking out people we’re probably going to hate or root for down the road. People who bug me already: crazy-eyed Amazon Carla and arrogant Euro Stefan & Fabio.

Ernie: Yeah, Carla just needs to chill the hell out. Homegirl acts like a space cadet. As for the two Euros, I love them but damn if they don’t think they know it all. Patrick also wears on me. If he’s trying to represent cooking schools, he’s not doing well by using ingredients he’s never worked with.

Jon: People I like at this point: self-taught Hawaiian Gene; little Patrick and big Richard of the gay & lesbian alliance Team Rainbow (along with Jaimie).

Ernie: I like the big New York guy, Daniel. I don’t think his food is necessarily exciting but I like where he comes from. Gene’s got a good attitude towards cooking. Leah’s the resident hottie and can cook too!

Jon: After I read her bio and saw that she was some crazy mix of Filipino and Russian-Romanian Jewish, I had a feeling you would be into her :) Daniel seems like one of those guys who could be jerks, but are likable anyway (current ultimate example — Randy on Survivor). But yeah, I like him so far too.

The producers come up with a pretty good challenge for the introductory episode, sending teams of two into 8 different little neighborhoods of NY, each focusing on different ethnic foods: Brighton Beach (Russian), Chinatown, Little Italy, Little India, and my neighborhood Astoria (Greek) Middle Eastern, Jamaican. After shopping from neighborhood stores, each pair must create dishes which will be judged head-to-head, with one of the losers getting eliminated.

Ernie: It’s a good elimination challenge that pits people right off the bat. They only had to worry about one other person when initially you think they’re going to work together. Good twist and good introduction to some of the local flavors of New York.

Jon: Patrick continues to prove himself an over-earnest little newb as he naively shares his complete meal plans with his companion — and direct competitor — Daniel. He ends up in the bottom two (though not as a result of giving up his gameplan) with Ariane, who strikes me as a domesticated and significantly heavier Monica from Friends.

Ernie: Lots of good looking food. Always thought it’s a shame no one’s made Smell-o-vision a reality. How Jeffrey made it through with plating only half of his food is amazing, this isn’t a rib burn-off buddy–cook faster! Jill looked like she torched the hell out of those scallops. You could play poker with them.

Jon: The winning dishes are from the aforementioned Stefan & Gene, plus Leah . I was really rooting for the tatooed Hawaiian, who amazed the judges — especially Padma — by making a dish which was a perfect replication of some traditional Indian dish, despite zero experience with Indian food. However the win went to Stefan, who was more likable in his acceptance, and even his stated desire to be the first European Top Chef.

Ernie: Stefan winning just feeds his ego. Oh boy.

Jon: I loved seeing Fabio lose to Jeffrey, a guy who didn’t even finish plating his dishes completely.

Ernie: Patrick’s idea of Asian cuisine looked a lot like Lean Cuisine, and probably tasted like hell. I’m Asian and wouldn’t touch those black noodles. Glad to see him go, what the hell was up with him reaching over Richard’s lap to hold Ariane’s hand in the hot box? And what’s with his straddling hug to Richard. Have some self control, man. You’re on television.

Jon: I don’t really like Ariane (and will probably hate her sooner than later) but it’s probably for the best that Patrick went home, given his youth and inexperience.

Ernie: Moment of the Season 5 premiere is Ariane telling the cooks that for food she doesn’t know how she doesn’t need to go to neighborhoods that specialize in making those foods. She just needs cookbooks. You live in Jersey, lady, not Kansas. Get used to that bottom three lady, it looks like you’ll be spending a lot of time there this season. Other noteworthy things: Richard professing his attraction towards Tom Coliccio.

Jon: Oh, man that was funny. Also, I would like to close this recap by professing my attraction towards Padma Lakshmi.

Ernie: All in all, Top Chef Season 5 is off to a good start.

Jon: I definitely agree.

Stay tuned for more Channel Flippin’!