Hey guys, Adan here, live from the Denver International Airport, on my way to the fabled San Diego Comic-Con (I have to keep rubbing it in Brendan’s face because I’m a big ole jerk). And because I will be in San Diego until Monday, we were going to take next week off. But then Alan Kistler, the great comic book historian usually found at Monitor Duty volunteered his services, and Brendan was totally going to take him up on his offer, until Brendan got a way better idea (sorry Alan). Instead of skipping or getting a guest writer for next week, we’re going to review Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Needless to say, there will be many, many spoilers, so if you haven’t read the book by next week, then don’t read our column next week. Also, I will probably have many tales about SDCC that I will tell to Brendan like fifteen times (I guess it’s possible that Brendan will murder me before we actually write the Potter thing, so if Alan shows up next week anyway, you know what happened).

All Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder #6

Brendan: I was as upset as anyone when this book went annual. No twenty-two page comic book, really, is worth that kind of wait. I can, however, afford to wait a few months to see the definitive Batman writer work with the modern day’s definitive Batman artist. With the inclusion of the Dark Knight Returns poster in Batgirl’s bedroom, as well as the insight into James Gordon’s personal life, Miller proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that this he is approaching this character as the same one he has written since DKR and Year One. Many people lay claim that this take on the character is a lampoon of the post-Miller uber-gritty superhero, but this oversimplifies the writer’s proven understanding of the character. The Year One Batman was a young man finding his place in an impossible world. The Batman of Dark Knight Returns is an embittered old man, disgusted by what the world became, despite his best efforts. Even The Dark Knight Strikes Back shows the optimism of a man nearing the end of his life, when he finally has found perspective. The All Star Batman, or Goddamn Batman, is a young man who has finally found his calling. He is doing what he was born to, and he is enjoying it. He is naïve, with delusions of invincibility. The world around him is garish and polarized. There are other masks, “amateurs,” popping up, proving that he is having an impact on the world around him, but the world is not yet any less violent for it. With each passing issue Batman grows more recognizable.

This book has sex, violence, and two page Jim Lee spreads. I hope we see the next issue in as timely a fashion as this one.

Adan: For fuck’s sake, can we stop saying “the Goddamn Batman!” Everybody’s saying it now! Commissioner Gordon and Black Canary (or what passes for those two characters in this God-awful book) have joined the Goddamn Batman Goddamn Club. Also, Jimmy Olsen (who works in Gotham) is a pervert and Batgirl’s slogan is “Bullshitting Dad is Cool.” Or, excuse me, “Bull****ing Dad is Cool,” ’cause see, you can’t curse in a DC comic. You can beat the crap out of people and break their arms and get off on doing so, but you can’t fucking curse. Unless of course you’re saying “Goddamn.”

The violence in this book is so over-the-top, it’s just ludicrous. There’s no point to it except to show violence. Why does Black Canary beat up those guys on the docks? Because we need another irrelevant fight scene (plus Jim Lee gets to draw her ass a couple of times). *Sigh* I am so sick of this book.

And by the way, Miller stopped writing definitive Batman books twenty years ago.

Brendan: What makes Jimmy Olsen a pervert? Did you see Vicki Vale?

Adan: Yeah, I saw her, but I didn’t watch her change.

Annihilation Conquest: Star Lord #1

Adan: Military spy action in deep space? Hell yeah!

A crazy assortment of all-but-forgotten space heroes get tapped for a low-tech incursion into the heart of Phalanx space in order to destroy some kind of viral-bomb processing plant. That means Bug, Deathcry, Mantis, Captain Universe, Groot, Rocket Motherfuckin’ Raccoon, and Peter Quill, the Star Lord, are saddlin’ up and riding down on the Phalanx. This series looks like a hell of a lot of fun, full of trademarked Giffen humor, with the possibility of a high death rate (I really can’t see all these guys making it out; Rocket Raccoon, maybe), and fantastic art by Timothy Green II, who’s kind of a mix between the late, lamented Seth Fisher and… uh, somebody else. Crap, there goes my geek cred. Look, it’s good, clean art and this book is awesome.

“We who are about to die, salute you.”

Brendan: I don’t think anyone has ever confused a book Keith Giffen wrote to a book Keith Giffen didn’t write. Only he would see a starship as a “friend, confidant, teacher, and nagging wife all rolled up.” That said, I was half way through the issue and still undecided on continuing the series. Star-Lord was cool and everything, but I was waiting for the hook. Then we met the Dirty Dozen-esque crew that will star in this series. With Deathcry (leather jacket Avengers alert!), Bug (who seems a lot like Ambush Bug), Captain Universe (I have a comic where I became Captain Universe), the Celestial Madonna (most convoluted back story ever), Rocket Raccoon (a raccoon who can handle rockets), and Groot the tree, (a tree), I’d say this series is pretty much a sure shot. Timothy Green the Deuce delivers a good, clean story and should get even better. He may even decide to include a background or two. Either way, this book has Rocket Raccoon. What are you waiting for?

Batman #666

Adan: “And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. He had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on his horns, and on each head a blasphemous name.” – Revelation 13:2

Welcome to the end of the world! Damian Wayne, the bastard son of the Batman we know and love, has take over the cape and cowl and dispenses his own brand of justice in a Gotham City much worse off than the one of the past. The final of the three crazy Batmen shows up and claims he is the Anti-Christ, the Son of Satan, Hellbat, and Damian Hellstrom’s little brother. Okay, I made up the last two and threatens to usher in Armageddon. So what’s a psychotic Batman to do? Whup his ass, that’s what.

Morrison’s Batman run, as a whole, has not been very good, and it hurts me to say that. He’s has a few good issues here and there (the text one was fantastic!) and this is almost one of them. I want nothing more that to get behind this and cheer because it’s just crazy Grant hoodoo. A nightmarish future setting in which the Apocalypse is right around the corner? That sounds awesome, right. And it is, mostly. The “What happened to so-and-so?” trap that imaginary stories set in the future always fall into is totally avoided here. There is no explanation given as to what happened to the principal characters we’re used to, except for Barbara Gordon, but she’s somewhat important to the story at hand. The only mentions we’re given are a panel in which young Damian is kneeling over the dead body of Bruce (maybe), Damian’s line “I knew I’d never be as good as my dad or Dick Grayson,” and Barbara’s line “That monster was responsible for the death of… of a good friend” (Damian is the monster), but other than that, bupkus. Who knows what happened to Bruce, Dick, Tim, Alfred, Commissioner Gordon, Superman, and all the rest of them? We don’t know and it doesn’t matter. This is just a good, interesting vignette of the future that doesn’t require too much backstory (in fact, the only backstory is Damian’s “origin” story told in six panels). That said, though, the main character of this issue is Damian, the snotty little punk who was foisted on Batman (and the readers) as the next big thing. He somehow kicked Tim’s ass (after beating on poor Alfred) and now we’re supposed to belive that he was somehow allowed to become the Batman. What? I call shenanigans. Bruce would have had schemes and plans in motion to prevent such a thing.

Andy Kubert is as solid as ever, giving us what we want on a semi-monthly basis. The aerial shot of future Gotham is probably my favorite panel in this issue, but it’s full of good stuff (like the Hanuman-style double uppercut punch; nobody even knows what that is). But that costume? Oy, I can’t get behind that. It’s a dress with a ridiculous disco collar. And this is issue is a lot bloodier and gorier than usual. Maybe it’s that whole Number of the Beast thing.

Overall, an interesting story with a solid ending (it was my favorite part), but little else. What I’m saying is I wish it wasn’t Damian. That’s what I’m saying.

Brendan: Welcome!!! To the world of Tomorrow! Today!!

In celebration of Batman’s Satanniversary, Grant Morrison and Andy Kubert give us a glimpse into the legacy of the Batman. Someday, Damian will take over as Gotham’s Caped Crusader. Maybe I’m just not up enough on my W.B. Yeats, but this issue fell flat. I’m sure that it was rife with metatextual subtleties and symbolism, but in order for me to care enough to seek that out, I need to first be invested in the issue. The entire Damian storyline has become stale and self-important, like “This character is a big deal because I say he’s a big deal.” Whatever you say. There was little that elevated this particular dystopian take beyond the average “Elseworlds” tale. It lacked any particularly captivating angle, as well as enough touchstones to make it feel relevant to the current storyline. This is a lot like when Robin found out he became a gun toting Batman in Teen Titans , only less… good. Bring back the ninja Man-bats.

Black Summer #1

Brendan: How can you not love Warren Ellis completely unleashed? You get topical insight, superhuman enhancement, and broken bottles in groins. You get the phrase “ninja cripple trick.” It doesn’t hurt that I learned that Juan Jose Ryp was capable of producing work beyond eleven different covers for a pin-up issue. Turns out he has the perfect amount of grotesque influence to bring Ellis’ horrific vision to the page. I will say that I thought that the fact that the issue chapter was two even though the last issue was a number zero felt like a cop-out. If a book is the first chapter, and even provides the inciting incident for the entire series, it should be number one. I guess this way Avatar can almost sell two number one issues, two first issues in any case, but it struck me the wrong way. But then, I do see how many covers they offer with any given issue, so I suppose there shouldn’t be any surprise. Officially badass.

Adan: This issue picks up directly where the last one left off, with the not dead Frank Blacksmith coming to Tom Noir’s front door and trying to kill him. The “Gun Enhancements” these fellas sport are explained a little more thoroughly, and some crazy shit happens. Tom’s fight against the Blacksmith’s goon is pretty sweet, with fire and guns and nutshots. Everything a comic book fight should be. We also get a new “Gun Hero” in Zoe, and John Horus goes a little bit more crazy. I like this book, and I’m gonna keep reading it because Warren Ellis will hurt me otherwise.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer #5

Brendan: This is the story of the Buffy who wasn’t Buffy. A young woman who calls herself Buffy is dead, and over the course of this issue we learn who she was and what she died for. Joss Whedon explores the power and value of iconic heroes by showing exactly why someone would go to such lengths to convince the world that she is the celebrated and fabled “Slayer.” The narrative is told out of sequence, and as such takes a bit of concentration to understand. Given the large amounts this book is selling, and especially given the fact that a large contingent of these readers are new to comics, the aim appears to be to challenge the audience and their expectations of what a comic is capable of. This was a pretty good comic book, but I’m sure hardcore Buffy fans will love it more than I.

Adan: An issue of Buffy that doesn’t even feature Buffy. Look, I’m gonna be open here. I thought this series was gonna suck. I thought “Psh! Buffy? Who, besides devoted Buffy fans, gives a damn?” Well, it turns out that I do. I’ve enjoyed every issue thus far (yes, all five of them), and this one is my favorite by far. There’s no Buffy Summers here, just a girl that pretends to be her in order to get the the underground races to band together. And that’s not even all that important. This issue has deep questions, questions about what it means to be… well, just to be. Is your name, or any name, all that essential to who you are? Can you be great and not at the same time?

There’s also some weird storytelling devices that, I think, accurately portray how one’s life would flash before one’s eyes. Disjointed, out-of-order, and bizarre. Pieces of one memory interspersed inside another. I am a big fan of that. Snippets of audio (or in the case of this medium, dialogue) replaced with other audio, or missing altogether. This is good stuff.

Paul Lee steps in to give Georges Jeanty a break in this issue. Longtime Buffy comic readers will recognize him from his work in the previous series. I think I liked his slug creature the best. That’s a big old slug, that is. The rest was fine. It didn’t hurt my eyeballs, but neither did it make me squee.

Doktor Sleepless #1

Adan: “Future Science Jesus,” indeed.

I don’t… what the fuck? I have no earthly idea what this book is actually about. I assume there is a message hidden in here about how the future is the future, whether you recognize it or not, and you should stop bitching about it not looking like you wanted it to (well, it’s not hidden so much as plain for the world to see). This’ll probably be something akin to Transmetropolitan in its scathing societal commentary. I didn’t really like Transmet (I know, blasphemy), so I’m probably not going to like this. However, this book did contain this fantastic exchange:

“I’ll have you know I beat up Samuel Beckett in a fair fight once.”
“A fair fight, you say?”
“Yes. I had a bat and he had emphysema.”

So it can’t be all bad.

Brendan: Yeah, I’m pretty much frame for frame with you here. Ellis seems to step into an over-stylized “too cool for school” thing in this one. It might get better, but I’m not waiting for singles on here.

Second best quote- “Electricity can only be replenished by whiskey. This is actual physics. Do not argue with me. I am a doktor.” There are moments.

Gon TP

Brendan: This week CMX re-offers Masashi Tanaka’s silent masterpiece Gon. With lush environments and wildlife, as well as pitch-perfect storytelling, Gon is fantastic. This first volume tells deceptively complicated stories such as “Gon Eats and Sleeps”, “Gon Goes Hunting,” “Gon Builds a Mansion,” and “Gon Goes Flying.” Gon, a tiny, precocious, ferocious dinosaur in the modern wild, tells his story through action and expression. Each story sheds light both on Gon’s capabilities and his character in more and more imaginative scenarios. It doesn’t hurt that this is the best drawn book to hit the shelves this week. If you’ve ever held off on a manga, either due to content or to the reversed page, consider this the perfect gateway drug; both the cartoonish “bigfoot,” proportions of the headliner and the dialogue and copy free narrative make this a work of sequential art for the ages.

Adan: Super headbutt attack!

Man, this is some hyper detailed work! Masashi Tanaka really knows how to draw, and his storytelling is sharp, too. There are absoultely no words, so of course he’s gotta be aces in the art department. Gon is this tiny dinosaur who is super strong. The whole book is just him making a bunch of other animals his bitches. A grizzly bear, a lion, a bobcat, and a beaver (the most dangerous animal of all). This is a funny book because Gon is kind of a dick, but sometimes he also helps out smaller, weaker animals. And sometimes he’s just a dick.

I have but one bone to pick, and that is that male lions do not hunt. The females of the pack do all the hunting. Tanaka-san should probably watch the Discovery Channel once in a while. You know, just to fact check.

Brendan: If this were Tekken, I’d head butt the shit out of you for saying that.

Adan: What, why? Do you hate research? It makes for good comics, you know.

Immortal Iron Fist #7

Adan: I have a confession to make. I have this weakness. No, it’s not for Brian K. Vaughn (that’s an altogether different confession). I have a weakness for women who kick ass and take names. And for women who just plain kick ass. Wu Ao-Shi is one such woman. The first, last, and only female to ever wield the power of the Iron Fist, she kicked a lot of ass. Most of it was pirate ass, making her a Pirate Queen.

This issue is told almost entirely in prose. Fraction and Brubaker basically write a short story and then get three guys to draw it out for them. This is not a bad thing, at least not this time. They break format only a couple of times, usually for well-timed comedic purposes.

I assumed having three artists on one story would make for some wildly different art styles, but instead, these three guys look almost exactly the same. This was done on purpose, I’m sure, as I’ve seen these guys draw in their own styles. Their own styles look almost nothing like this. Good job, guys, keeping a steady style.

Can Fraction do no wrong? Well, yes actually. It’s called Punisher War Journal, but we’re not talking about that right now. We’re talking about kick-ass women.

Brendan: That was only the coolest fucking Marvel comic you’ll read this year. Of course, when the book is about the Fist of K’un Lun, and entitled “The Pirate Queen of Pinghai Bay,” you have about an eighty-five percent chance of awesome. Danny Rand is nowhere to be seen this issue, and yet it doesn’t miss a beat. This story has all the familiar features of every great kung fu epic while also being wholly original. Traditionally, the aspect of writing that is most likely to get lost with a writing duo is the personal voice. The voice that Fraction and Brubaker achieve is that of a master storyteller. It reads like a charming old man, skilled in the art of pacing and keeping an audience around a fire. This is a romance story, but with enough pirates, dragons, and magic that you’ll hardly notice. The art is seamless and beautiful. Buy this comic twice.

Mighty Avengers #4

Adan: I just don’t understand where this book exists.

Obviously, obviously, Iron Man is not dead. The man is in every Marvel comic every single month. He’s not fucking dead! And yet, Mighty Avengers continues to pretend otherwise as the Starktech 9, a robot that is only supposed to activate when Tony Stark is dead, is activated. Nyargh!

He’s! Not! Dead! (Well, he might be now, but that’s because the Hulk kicked him through a couple of buildings.) Marvel editorial, meet me in the third paragraph (and yes, I totally stole that from Jon Sterwart).

You’ve been cooking these little events for a long time now. I know you have, because I read your comics and I look inside a Previews catalog. You knew the outcome of Civil War and you knew that soon after that, you were going to do World War Hulk. You knew this long before anybody else did. Yet you greenlit this series, with this arc where everybody in this book was going to think Iron Man was dead for a few issue, with an artist that was not going to be able to meet deadlines. Do you know how ridiculous you look when Ms. Marvel doesn’t know whether Tony is dead or not, and hasn’t for that past two issues of this series, but meets with him in every issue of her own series? Do you know how ridiculous you look? I do. It’s pretty damn ridiculous. I think somebody pointed a wand at you and cast the Ridikulus Charm, because that’s the only explanation I can think of.

On the upside, things actually happened this issue. There was a lot of action as new, naked Wasp-Ultron makes its (her?) move. Ares and Sentry beat some shit up (as they are wont to do), including an army of Iron Man armor, and the Starktech 9 and Black Widow make some very good observations. But still, Tony’s not dead. I just saw him give the New Warriors a chance to join the Initiative.

Brendan: So, I’ve got this idea, see? Ultron comes back to fuck up the Mighty Avengers, right? But we’ve got Frank Cho drawing it, so we gotta make Ultron a really hot Janet Van Dyne clone. Boom, start writing checks.

Cheesecake aside, Cho shows what a great cartoonist he is on this book. His action and movement is kinetic and crystal clear. For all the (fair) claims that his chief skill is making the buxom ladies even more buxom, it must be said that his male figures are no less idealized. The Sentry is a pretty man. There I said it. Actually, I think that by nature of understanding anatomy, as well as a keen sense of symmetry, Cho achieves the sort of iconography that readers respond to in their comic characters. They look as we feel they should look. No line is wasted. He also is great at sight gags, and for proof look no further than the Liberty Meadows’s Dean appearance, and catch Ares’ eyeballing Black Widow’s backside. This sort of acting, even when a character is not speaking, is the sort of detail that makes comics fun. In fact, just pay close attention to Ares at all times and you will increase your enjoyment of this book tenfold. Even if he is just Thor-lite.

This book is delivering on its promise to tell stories that have a more classic feel than the New Avengers book ever did. While the thought-bubbles are used only in spurts, and can be borderline obnoxious, they also are valuable tools in giving a personal feel to an ensemble book. It can be difficult to balance characters if you are only focused on their speaking roles, and by giving even the slightest insight into their thought process the dynamic is better explained. Ms Marvel, the character with the most pressure on her shoulders without Iron Man, is particularly enjoyable. There are other purely cool comic moments that permeate this book, from the Sentry actually doing stuff, to a legion of Iron Men (where is the Heroes Reborn armor? For completion’s sake?), a Hank/Janet Pym exchange that provides insight into their storied history, and even a use of the old Thor title font. This book is a fun one.

Oh, and Tony Stark has been “dead” for like twenty minutes. It’ll all be okay.

Adan: Yeah, too bad “twenty minutes” was like seven months ago.

Queen & Country #32

Adan: Remember what I said about my weakness up in Iron Fist? It manifests here again.

This is the last issue of Queen & Country Series One. When last we left our intrepid heroes (what, a year ago now?), Chace and Poole had been captured in Baghdad by insurgents along with a reporter. Lankford, still in Baghdad, and Crocker, back in London, were still doing everything in their power to get them back. If you’ve read the Private Wars novel, then you know how this ends, as the “Red Panda” storyarc is a prequel to that second novel.

I’ve loved this series since the very beginning. This was, in fact, the reason I started paying attention to anything with Greg Rucka’s name on it. It has been a fantastic series from the word go, but these last couple of issues (spread over two-plus years) have suffered from Rucka having no time. I am saddened that this Series One will end on such a down note, but I look forward to Series Two (which won’t be coming out until late ‘09, early ‘10) with baited breath. Rucka swears that when he starts Series Two, he’ll have a lot more time to devote to it, which will be great. But in the here and now, I’m left with this issue which kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It’s not awful or anything, it’s just not as good as it should be, especially for a final issue. Everytime Queen & Country came out (especially these last few years), it was an event. It was the book I looked forward to the most. Don’t get me wrong, this issue is still better than almost everything else on the racks. Just don’t compare it to previous issues of Q&C.

Brendan: There are comics, and there are graphic novels that are published serially. Greg Rucka’s Queen and Country seems to be the former. In comics, it is easy to spend an inordinate amount of time in worlds that are far removed from what is plausible in our real world. When you experience the opposite and a book is grounded in the real world tensions that we experience every day, the result can be jarring. Familiar spy-game tropes, such as daring and bloody escapes in the face of impossible odds, are not exciting adventures, as they are often portrayed in film. Instead, they are as frightening as the best thrillers. The thick, heavy artwork of Chris Samnee gives this story the weight it needs. This issue closes out the first volume of Q&C, and makes sure it does so with a story that is both hard-hitting in its real world relevance and fully realized characters.

Star Trek: Year Four #1

Adan: Oh man, this is exactly like an old episode of original Trek. There’s a red shirt who dies almost immediately upon beaming down, Spock says, “Fascinating,” and McCoy says, “He’s dead, Jim.” It even ends with a trite, cliche quotable given by Kirk. There’s caption boxes during the story exactly where Kirk would have his voiceovers. There’s even a hot alien chick for Kirk to make moves on. This book is freaking awesome. I don’t know how he did it, but David Tischman has perfectly captured the essence of original Trek and has distilled it into comic book form.

And if this book is not enough William Shatner for you guys, then check this out.

Brendan: Welcome to the world of comics- the place where cancelled television shows go on to avoid Death’s cold touch.

This was… not really any good at all. The art only just managed to render a remote likeness to the Enterprise’s crew. Even then, they each only had one facial expression. The plot had the pieces needed to tell a classic Star Trek tale, but lacked the flavor. There was an ill-fated redshirt, a buxom beauty for Kirk to ogle, and even the “He’s dead, Jim,” but ultimately, there is nothing to make this any more valuable or meaningful than fan-fic.

Adan: Damn, that is cold son! The art gave the guys only one facial expression because they only had one facial expression in the show. See? It’s genius! I will admit that you probably have to be an OG Trek fan to really appreciate this comic.