DR. SELA MATHERS: Kudos to the network for giving this show a cutoff date to ensure a proper ending. Somebody should tell this to the guys making decisions on the Spiderman franchise.

SNAKE: Thank friggin’ God! I am sick to death of Lou’s yappin’ about hatches and numbers and smoke monsters. I got theories comin’ outta my ass from this guy! …Now if only we could get that Grey’s Anatomy off the air!

LOU: But Snake, I don’t even watch that show…

SNAKE: Damn you McDreamy — I want my Thursdays back!

DR. SELA MATHERS: What concerns me is that prosecutors said they want Paris to stay away from alcohol. That’s like asking Britney Spears to stay away from crazy. Not gonna happen!

ROB REILLY: Though this is amusing, it’s not as amusing as when the world found out that she had herpes (best day ever for anyone who’s working class!)

SNAKE: I love it when a stuck-up broad gets what’s comin’ to her as much as the next guy, but it ain’t like she’s gonna pull a Mike Tyson and tattoo her face or become a Muslim in the clink. 45 days ain’t nuthin.

LOU: I hear orange jumpsuits are gonna be HUGE this summer.

SNAKE: Nice… I’ll have to break one or two of mine outta storage.

SKRAP: Well looks like Paris is finally gonna get what money couldn’t by her…street cred! I can’t wait to see the sex tape they’re gonna make in L.A. county!!

BOMB QUEEN: Look, you nerd jocks need to pull out my girlfriend and stick that hate into something else. You’re all just jealous. Paris is my kinda gal and I’ll make double sure she’s comfortable in jail. As a super villain I got connections, so be on the look out for Hilton’s Jail Bait Lesbian Vol. 2 sneaked Internet video. Can’t let the County Lock Down stop this train. Also….all this crap about drunk driving, suspended licenses, and no headlights are just trumped up charges. But don’t worry, by the end of the week I’ll have that Judge’s head in the river and the arresting police officer squealing like the pig he is – if you can’t my drift. I need the bonus DVD snuff film footage, anyway – Hahah! Don’t worry Paris honey, I got yo’ back – us mean bitches stick together.

SKRAP: Words are powerful, in Empire city, just one word can kill a person! Oh snap! I just found out that next week they’re going to be blaming hip-hop for global warming! Something about rappers and hot air. Man, I’m glad we’re finally figuring out solutions for some of the world’s more serious problems.

LOU: I think this could be a good thing, helping elevate the mainstream perception of the hip-hop community in general and inspiring the artists themselves to tackle more sophisticated subject matter in a more creative manner.

SNAKE: Yeah, plus there’s still fertile ground to mine by rhyming “c*cksucker” with “motherf*cker.”

BOMB QUEEN: Can’t stop the hate now. I also question your claims of “influential” because those old-school ass clowns got no pull on my streets. They want to make decrees? Then strap up and kill the so-called hip-hop artists and radio stations who cross the line. That’s how a villain gets business done. All this crying and pleading, puh-leez! Be a man and make a few examples; heed a few bullets. That’ll get the idea across. If they can’t stomach that, then get the hell out of my face. Your coalition is weaker than Bush’s WMDs. That’s why these lame duck pioneers teamed up with the dying breath of the radio stations, because they can’t compete with all the Internet downloads. This is so obvious I’m surprised you can’t see how…. Oh, that’s right, you’re comic book people. Never mind. Go stand on that corner, the yellow bus will be here shortly.

ROB REILLY: This should be featured on “Jay Walk”. Doesn’t he usually exploit stupid people with that segment?

SNAKE: In Jay’s defense, I can’t tell ‘doze two apart either unless Carlos Mencia is stealin’ their jokes.

LOU: Well, which one is the overweight, unfunny one?

SNAKE: That would be you, Lou.

LOU: But I’m not even Hispanic, Snake.

SNAKE: Two outta three, gordo.

SKRAP: Bwahahaha…yooh this is some of the funniest sh*t I heard in a minute. Paul Rodruigez should’ve ran with it like “You know Jay, what you did really hurt me man, the least you can do is let me take one of your cars for out for a spin.” And then never give the car back! I can hear Leno’s phone call right now:

George Lopez: “…oh first you back stab me, then because I’m Mexican you accuse me for stealing your car!! F-you holmes!!” *Click*

BOMB QUEEN: I LOVE THE INDIES needs to fire Jon Haehnle. This is what he comes up with? Everyone knows all those people look the same, their names all end in “ez”, and Jay Leno IS a two-faced backstabber. You call this is news? What’s next, Guy LeCharles wanking off on his blog like a legitimate journalist?

BOMB QUEEN: As the dictator of my own city EVERY week is dedicated to me – unless people want to die horrible deaths. Par for the course being a super villain and all that. TV Sex shows 24 hours a day, public degradation and hangings, free drugs and all the good stuff. Nothing like New York’s Spider-Man week, which bores me to suicide. I don’t know how you handle it all, honey. Perhaps Snake & Lou can get all excited about naked men in spandex, but I prefer my men just naked.

ROB REILLY: Truthfully, a week “devoted” to me would consist of me applying to DC, Marvel, Pixar, and a few other companies with little or no response.

LOU: Every week is Union Week in River City!

SNAKE: Yeah, you can’t spit wit’out hittin’ some shlub in mask in our grimey little town.

LOU: And River City has hosted “PlushFest” for three years running… so when that show comes around, things get even crazier! Last year’s “PlushFest” was broken up by the cops!

SNAKE: Those damn Furries give me da’ creeps.

LOU: Something about sexual deviance and underground por– Actually… Snake, didn’t you get stuck in County for the weekend with some of th–

SNAKE: LOU!!!

LOU: That must’ve been some weekend.

SNAKE: The Union of Novelty Costumed Performers ain’t got no comment regardin’ no Furry convention and we wuz acquitted of any and all related charges.

CODE: Sorry I missed last week. I had a bit of trouble getting out of a death trap. Look, the paparazzi are the price you pay for being famous. He should not be mad at the paparazzi, he should be mad at is his parents they are the ones who named him “Tobey”.

BOMB QUEEN: Fact is, any white boy named, “Tobey” must have a secret hate burning deep inside him since his Elementary school days. And now this hate-filled sociopath has the power of a film star? This whole camera slap is just the tip of the iceberg, trust me… as a villain, I know how these things rise to the top.

SNAKE: I heard ‘dat Frodo kid from Lord o’ da Rings stabbed a guy in ‘da face five times fer cuttin’ him in line at the Taco Shack.

LOU: At least he didn’t throw a sack of baked beans at the guy like Hugh Grant. Such a waste of good beans.

ROB REILLY: This video makes him look like such a dick. I feel extremely bad for “celebrities” who are harassed by the Papparazzi (those people are scum) but this clearly was a fan who just wanted a picture. What’s next, is he gonna call up Kristen Dunst a pig in a voicemail message?!

DR. SELA MATHERS: Isn’t Peter Parker a photographer himself? I would think he’d be more sympathetic. Come on Tobers, you should be relaxing this week knowing that your movie is going to break more records. People just never get it do they?

SNAKE: And that’s why he had to die!?

LOU: This reminds me of that time Quackers spilled a bowl of chili down his mask…

SNAKE: Hold it – I’m still tryin’ ta’ wrap my head around Cap getting’ the death penalty fer’ stuffin’ his shorts.

LOU: …and it soaked all the way through to his legs — what a mess! Ha ha.

SNAKE: Jeeze, I mean I ask broads to “Touch It” all da’ time, n’ I just get slapped… so, since when was stickin’ ‘Mexican’ down yer pants a crime?

LOU: I thought Bucky was Irish.

DR. SELA MATHERS: The scary thing about this story is that he was a doctor! Not making us doctors look too good are ya captain? And why use a friggin’ burrito; I mean what posseses one to do that? “I need to stuff my pants, oh wait, I know, I’ll use a brittle, messy burrito!”

ROB REILLY: This is the funniest thing I have ever heard of! Why a burrito? Actually I heard about this incident this past weekend at the Pittsburgh Comic Con while I was doing the CBDLF “Sketch-off” and had to draw Captain America wiith a burrito in his pants. Caption read: “You wanna go South of the Border”.

BOMB QUEEN: And when you ass clowns are all done with Dr. Raymond please return him back to my town. We try to keep a lid on the city limits, but we get a few escapees from time to time. But props to my boy for pimpin’ in a hero costume. I mean, if you’re gonna recruit some white slave crack ho’s then why not spit your game decked as the ultimate super soldier. A pimp’s gotta have an angle, you know. Can you imagine his backhand? Or dropping to your knees and giving him some “red skull”? It’s hard to be a costume playa nowadays – especially in your uptight cities with rules, laws and regulations. Land in jail for just touching your super burrito and slappin’ someone’s ass? Give it up, uptight girlfriend. Now that I think about it… Dr. Sela Mathers and this Dr. Raymond Adamcik should get together.

DR. SELA MATHERS: I say if it’s not green than it’s not Kryptonite. I don’t care about all the chemical make-up mumbo jumbo. Kryptonite = Green.

CODE: OK news flash. I’m a fictional character. Superman is a fictional character. There is no such thing as Kryptonite. What’s next-Stevie Wonder diagnosed with ‘Radar Sense?’

BOMB QUEEN: What the hell…? Are you people really this goddamn stupid? Scientific connection with Superman’s weakness? Chemical composition of Kryptonite? Ram me with 10 inches of Cap’s burrito because I could never swallow that load of crap. Critical thinking against the law in your cities? How can this ever be tested? Be proven? Any Supermen around? Hell, I’ll even take Shaq O’Neal as a test case. Ignorant sluts, even the aliens in Area 51 are laughing behind you.

LOU: Scientists also discovered an Earth-like planet a few billion light years away orbiting a red sun! The dawn of the supermen is upon us—Glee!!!

SNAKE: Yeah, and when Lou puts on glasses, you can’t recognize that he’s a morbidly obese idiot.

SNAKE: Holy crap… you got politics and race in one question?! What happened to cracking wise about Daredevil or the Wonder Twins??? Next yer gonna ask me why I hate da’ French!

LOU: In Snake’s defense, he hates everyone equally. Especially the French.

SNAKE: Next question!

ROB REILLY: > I don’t know what to say about this really. Of course, being a creator I am a strong believer in my 1st Amendment rights. On the other hand, being a shell of a man, I think some things are somewhat inappropriate, that why when I draw racist cartoonist I use the pen name Steven Walters. Who’s gonna yell at a black cartoonist for doing “black” humor?

DR. SELA MATHERS: Didn’t Ted Danson already teach us that a white person in “blackface” is a really stupid idea?

BOMB QUEEN: She’s an asslicking two-faced, politician married to a pole smokin’, blue dress spraying politician, and you idiots are all up in arms about her “black act”? Give her a break, she’s only doing her job. You little people demand the leaders be like you, rep you, sympathize with you – then they put on the “face” and you’re insulted? This is why killing stupid people is legal in my town. Why not hang Bush for talking Spanish in Texas and New Mexico? You dumbass knee-jerk media loving tree-huggin’ liberals – open your eyes. On one hand you bitch about Obama not being black enough and on the other Hilary is too black to be white. What you need is a dictator, not elected officials. I’m glad to be in my city away from you morons. Well, Rob Reilly is okay in a sadistic kind of way… now maybe if he ran for office…?

CODE: How stupid do people think Black people are? You can’t influence Black people with changes in your voice. That’s a stereotype. Stereotypes are so ridiculous. Everyone knows if you want to reach Black people you need chicken…no sorry that’s wrong and I should not have said that. You need chicken and hot sauce.

BOMB QUEEN is a super villain who controls an east coast city with deadly force, yet her citizens love her for it. Crime is legal, but only within the city limits as agreed with the government. [www.comicspace.com/jimmykitty/]

CODE (the only name he knows) woke up one morning in a luxury apartment with no memory of his past. No memory of his past but an awareness of incredible physical abilities and resources. Having these abilities and resources gives him little reprieve from what else he knew — that until he defeated evil in the form of Steven Dark he would face a daily torment and the possible lost of his soul. [theguardianline.com]

DR. SELA MATHERS is a literature professor who specializes in Fairy Tales and Fables. Sela in fact posseses the ability to transport others into an alternate Fairy Tale World where her usually unwilling participants must make choices that will drastically affect their lives. And in many instances, when one doesn’t heed Sela’s guidance, that person probably won’t be living happily ever after. You can learn more about Sela and her Grimm Fairy Tales at [www.zenescope.com ]

ROB REILLY is a self-loathing, self-published comic artist struggling to get ahead in the industry. You’ll be him someday. [www.skatoonproductions.blogspot.com]

DR. SELA MATHERS: First of all, why are they picking on the Hulk? Poor guy gets a little angry now and then, turning that awful shade of green should be punishment enough. They deserve whats comin’ to them. If I were in their shoes however, I would probably build an adorable little mechanical She-Hulk that would distract the Hulk, while I hid out on a nice Mexican beach. I heard the Hulk has a nasty sun allergy.

SNAKE: You’ve got the greatest minds in the Marvel Universe joining forces for the betterment of mankind, and their big plan is to piss off the big green guy who can lift mountains? Stick to inventin’ subatomic particle-reducing toaster ovens, brainiacs! These friggin’ know-it-all elitists really chap my ass.

LOU: But the question is what would you do if the Hulk were coming for you? Whatchoo gonna do, Snake? Whatchoo gonna do?!

SNAKE: Well, the question should be since when does a porno moustache and gray temples make you the boss of me?! Iron Man — porno ‘stache. Reed Richards — gray temples. Dr. Strange — he’s got both, so he must be the leader. And that mute chump from the moon… I’ll bet ya’ dollars to doughnuts he’s sportin’ gray under that mask. But I digress. The only unstable molecules Reed Richards should worry about are the ones that fill his shorts when the Hulk is smacking his rubbery ass around.

BOMB QUEEN: See, that’s what’s wrong with those mentally-challenged heroes. Always think they know what’s best for society. Stupid super heroes. My money is on Hulk bending them over a table. Save me a front row seat because I’m all for the death of any self-proclaimed hero, especially Reed Richards. Mr. Fantastic can stretch my size 7 up his back crack.

ROB REILLY: Though I’ve not read this, it sounds alot like Conan the Barbarian except on another planet. I’m not one for the superhero gerne but I’d like to see the Hulk beat the piss out of the Marvel Universe! “Hulk smash everything except a blockbuster movie!”

CODE: First off, watch your language. What would I do? Run… duh. You want to take on The Hulk? That may have been the dumbest question ever asked in the history of comics.

ROB REILLY: Even Norton’s brilliant acting abilities can save this turd of a franchise. Thanks for nothing Ang Lee, you suck! However, the fact that the writer from the Xmen movie is attached doesn’t make me reconsider… hmm… decisions, decisions.

DR. SELA MATHERS: I think Mr. Norton will do a great job as Bruce Banner. I like the badboy types, they just need to be kept in line is all.

BOMB QUEEN: Blows up buildings in FIGHT CLUB, check. Plays a thief in THE SCORE, check. Plays a thief in THE ITALIAN JOB, check. Plays a neo-nazi skinhead in AMERICAN HISTORY X, check. Kills a priest in PRIMAL FEAR, check. So… uhm, speaking as a super villain what’s not to like about Norton? And if he throws cars at the police I’ll love him even more. Hell, he can play in Sonny Bono’s downhill adventure, I’ll still watch him. What…? Did I say something non-pee cee? You invite a super villain to the party then complain I spiked the kool-aid? Worked for Jim Jones, didn’t it?

DR. SELA MATHERS: Wow, seems like someone got short-changed in the super-powers department.

SNAKE: Mediocre, somewhat derivative comic gets second life as a TV series. Interesting….

LOU: There’s hope for us yet!

CODE: I really can’t get behind anyone named ‘Speed’. Drugs kill. In fact — the name ‘Trixie’ is a bit of an issue for me also. What kind of girl is this?

DR. SELA MATHERS: You have to LOVE Christina as Trixie. She’s smart, sexy and ready to kick some butt when she has to. I guess I like the badgirl types too. Hmmm, I wonder why that is.

BOMB QUEEN: Christina Ricci? Well, this movie will rock if they use Alpha Team’s 1991 nasty hardcore remix, “Go Speed Go”. Trixie sexually moaning to a bump and grind is where it’s at, honey. If Ricci can pull that off then I’ll order extra pirate DVD’s for my city of crime. But honestly… I’m more interested in the monkey and Racer X.

ROB REILLY: I heard that in order to keep the production costs down, Christina Ricci’s massive forehead will double as Speed Racer’s helmet. Way to trim the fat, movie producers! Kick ass!

SNAKE: Lou, you don’t even watch Lost.

LOU: See, I have a theory about that too….

SNAKE: As long as he doesn’t mention those crappy Matrix sequels.

LOU: Yeah, and as long as there isn’t a techno dance orgy sequence in Mole Man’s underground layer, like in Matrix 2.

SNAKE: Actually, that would be ok. Chiklis and Alba — flame on, baby!

LOU: I thought I’m was the one who isn’t supposed to make sense.

CODE: I realize that there is not a lot of work in Hollywood for Black actors but why does it have to be a Black man who eats the world?? On the TV show 24 there is a Black President when a nuclear bomb hits America. In the movie Deep Impact there’s a Black President when the world is coming to an end. NOW — the man who is coming to destroy the world (By EATING it by the way! Most likely the director will figure out a way to have Silver Suffer bring Galactus some hot sauce) is a Black man. You see a pattern here?

BOMB QUEEN: Laurence plays a super villain? See, now that’s what I’m talking about, mon ami. Throw us villains a bone every now and we’ll treat your right. Nothing gets the blood boiling like a Planet-eating black man with a silver-plated lawn jockey. I haven’t been this excited since James Earl Jones voiced Darth Vadar. So where the hell is my villain movie, already?

ROB REILLY: He should talk with Stan Lee’s lawyer. I don’t blame the guy, back in ’68 he probably got the shaft as far as royalities and pay. Get that money while you can brotha!

DR. SELA MATHERS: All this legal mumbo jumbo, so what if Marvel screwed up Ghost Rider a bit, at least it wasn’t as bad as The Punisher.. Now there’s your lawsuit!

SNAKE: I’d like to sue someone over the Ghost Rider movie too. Really, if I could bring a class action suit against Nicholas Cage in general, that would be great.

SNAKE: Seriously, call my lawyer.

DR. SELA MATHERS: Is Nick Cage in every comic book turned film now? I think I liked him better in Leaving Las Vegas where he played a suicidal drunk who dates a prositute. Now there’s someone I could help.

ROB REILLY: Why does the Motion Picture Assoc. still let this man work, WORST ACTOR EVER. He makes Shatner look like a Oscar candidate.

DR. SELA MATHERS: I once saw an illustration Rob Liefeld did of Captain America. Cap’s boobs were bigger than mine! To call Rob Liefeld a modern day equivalent to Jack “The King” Kirby is like giving William Hung the keys to Graceland and saying welcome home.

SNAKE: I think dead Kirby is still faster at turning out books than living Liefeld. Of course, the guy drawin’ our book has been working on it since like 1983.

LOU: Shhh. We’re supposed to be nice.

ROB REILLY: I had the pleasure of sitting next to Liefeld at this year’s comic con, he seemed like a nice enough guy. I know you’re waiting for it…….. yes I think his work stinks on ice! There, the audience is now statisifed.

BOMB QUEEN is a super villain who controls an east coast city with deadly force, yet her citizens love her for it. Crime is legal, but only within the city limits as agreed with the government. [www.comicspace.com/jimmykitty/]

CODE (the only name he knows) woke up one morning in a luxury apartment with no memory of his past. No memory of his past but an awareness of incredible physical abilities and resources. Having these abilities and resources gives him little reprieve from what else he knew — that until he defeated evil in the form of Steven Dark he would face a daily torment and the possible lost of his soul. [theguardianline.com]

ROB REILLY is a self-loathing, self-published comic artist struggling to get ahead in the industry. You’ll be him someday. [www.skatoonproductions.blogspot.com]

DR. SELA MATHERS is a literature professor who specializes in Fairy Tales and Fables. Sela in fact posseses the ability to transport others into an alternate Fairy Tale World where her usually unwilling participants must make choices that will drastically affect their lives. And in many instances, when one doesn’t heed Sela’s guidance, that person probably won’t be living happily ever after. You can learn more about Sela and her Grimm Fairy Tales at [www.zenescope.com ]

BOMB QUEEN: Grindhouse? Yeah, finally a movie with enough blood for my wicked sensibilities. All these emo movies with super heroes and lame villains need to take notice. I laughed out loud when the little kid killed himself. Now that’s quality!

ROB REILLY: I’d like to think of it as a Mini Wheats commercial: The kid in me loves the possibility of boobies and over the top violence. The adult in me loves the fact that Tarantino is finally putting out another great homage and genre piece. This movie is gonna kick ass and put 300 to shame.

CODE: I didn’t see it. I deal with that kind of blood and gore all the time in New Hope City. I went to see “Blades Of Glory.” After a day of fighting evil, I needed a laugh.

SKRAP: This movie looks bananas!! I’m a fan of both these directors, looks like I’ll be sneaking into the theatres this week.

SNAKE: Let me get ‘dis straight — you expected me to sit through a 3-hour, hard R gorefest on the holiest of holy weekends, and it ain’t directed by Mel Gibson?

LOU: You know what I love about Easter? Cadburry Cream Eggs. You know, they only come out at this time of year. I like the mystery of reaching into the box for that one perfect still-wrapped, not-cracked chocolatey egg, and…

SNAKE: Lou… what about the movie?

LOU: Oh, I saw Wild Hogs again.

SNAKE: Of course you did.

LOU: That Tim Allen… I hope he gets nominated.

BOMB QUEEN: Sweet, I’ll buy it! Better yet, someone else can buy the car and I’ll just kill ‘em for it. I need some easy transport around my city. Of course, I’d have to reprogram KITT, but that’s no problem with my dedicated computer. Batman’s computer has nothing on my system. I’d turn KITT out like a bi-curious Las Vegas lounge singer.

SKRAP: They’re asking 150 G’s for KITT… and it doesn’t even talk!? you might as well just put a christmas light on the hood of an old Trans AM and call it a day.

ROB REILLY: Think of the poor bastard who purchases that thing and realizes that it’s now programmed with the character of George Feeny from Boy meets World. And I’d be sure to de-Hoff the car seats, gross!

CODE: The problem is it’s a talking muscle car from the ‘80s. The real muscle cars were from the ‘60s and early 70s. Why do I need a car that talks to me? Why does any real man? I can see it now:

KITT: Code I need gas.
CODE: Oh, you can talk but you can’t get your own gas?
KITT: I don’t have any hands!
CODE: Oh you can talk and ask for gas but you don’t have any hands. What good are you?
KITT: I help you fight crime!
CODE: How? All you ever did for Hasselhoff was warn him when someone was coming.
KITT. DAVID LOVED ME!!!
CODE: Really? Then why is he driving a Bentley and I picked you up on E-Bay?

SNAKE: Who needs a talking car that smells like Hasselhoff? I got a sedan that smells like monkey, and fat boy over here never shuts up.

LOU: How much for the A-Team van?

BOMB QUEEN: Why is it always a brilliant scientist? Where are the evil scientist nowadays? Metal Men would be good…. if they woke up to their full potential as villains. I mean, if you have power on that level, why take orders? Why help people when you can help yourself? And Geoff Johns? Geesh, hasn’t he written enough hero comics? Hello, Geoffy-boy, give us villains a bone and we might get a few films made, too. I might even let you write mine.

CODE: I’m glad that Geoff Johns is involved. He’s a great writer. He does owe me 20 bucks however. Geoff, I want my money.

SKRAP: I don’t know about this one, it’s from from Shuler-Donner (who was behind the X-men movies) so it might not be ALL bad. I’m sayin though, how you gonna have 4 hardcore elements (gold, iron, mercury, lead) and then have tin?? What’s gonna happen when you dump water on him? We all remebered what happen to the tin man in wizard of oz.

BOMB QUEEN: Zzzz… Huh? Yakuza? Now you’re talking. You lost me after Romeo and Juliet. But give it that underworld crime syndicate spin and I’m all for it. I’ll make sure it’s stocked in the libraries of my city. I have to keep a lid on content, y’know. State controlled media is where it’s at in my town. That includes manga – especially the tentacle porn.

SKRAP: Comics in the class room.. Man I could’ve really used these in high school!

ROB REILLY: Wouldn’t D&D just ruin the entire concept of college? Who in their right mind is gonna pass on late night drinking, partying and loose women to become a twelfth level wizard? This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.

SNAKE: I would like to announce that Division 18 is also recruiting D&D players. Come to our headquarters in downtown River City to be recruited for a swift kick in your 12-sided dice.

LOU: We really could probably use someone with a Wizard costume… or maybe a suit of armor.

SNAKE: Not on my watch, nerd lover.

BOMB QUEEN: Did someone just fart? WotC buying their porn, too? Look, as a villain I’m all for college. Drinking, sex, drugs, hazing, whatever. But supporting RPG clubs when that good money can be used for scoring a hit is a waste of time. This is just a WotC tax write-off. But hey, whatever floats your log in the pool. Hmm…. perhaps I should make my own RPG card game for villains?

SKRAP: They should have no problem getting chicks now — drugs, sex and D&D lol.

CODE: Look — let’s be real — they didn’t get Downey because he would be a good Iron Man. They got him because he would be a great Tony Stark. Remember Stark and Downey share a 12 step program or two.

BOMB QUEEN: Hey, any drug addict is a friend of mine. But if Robert Downey, Jr. wants a real woman, he can put that skinny skank Paltrow down and get his iron up under my sheets. Too bad Favreau is directing. I mean, he’s an actor, he a director, he’s a writer… People who can’t make up their minds need to be led, not direct others. That’s why I’m a dictator, amigo.

SNAKE: What the hell kinda name is “Pepper Potts” anyway? Was “Salty Saucepan” taken?

LOU: Well, I like the trend. You could have all sorts of delicious sounding names this way… “Cookie McJar”, “Fried Chicken Von Cutting Board”, um… “Meatloaf”…

SNAKE: You really oughtta consider assisted suicide.

SKRAP: I mean I really like Downey Jr., he’s definitely gully… but come on, who can pull of Tony Starks’ mustache better than Tom Selleck!!

ROB REILLY: I am definitely skeptical of yet another Marvel movie, though I have respect for Jon Favreau’s directorial talents, except for Elf… *cough* LAME *cough*. Without a doubt Downey Jr. can pull off a drunk millionaire, he was one for many many years. In all seriousness, enough with the superhero movies, when’s the next Road to Perdition or History of Violence gonna peek it’s head out!

BOMB QUEEN: Threats? I like that. Alien threats? Even better. As long as people die. Loads of people. And the right people. Didn’t play the video game, but if I can play as the monster then I’m all over it. There’s a few folks in government I’d like to take out – if you know what I mean.

CODE: “Extra-terrestrial threat?” Did I not mention that the evil I’m fighting is right here on earth? Have I not made it clear that our very souls are at stake? OK you worry about E.T. if want to but do me a favor, when you get a chance drop me a postcard from …HELL!

BOMB QUEEN: Not like how I cried after watching Catwoman. I had such high hopes. At last a movie for the bad girl, for us villains – but then it all ended in tears. She can have her star, I’ll be first to walk on it, grind my heel, and spit. But I’ll give her credit for making me “feel like a woman” with her monster balls. Hey, what can I say, I play for both teams, kid.

SNAKE: Don’t you gotta pay fer yer own star? I mean, what da hell is she cryin’ about? You don’t see me crying in the dressing room at Men’s Warehouse or on line at the grocery store. Friggin’ women.

LOU: I cry at the grocery store sometimes….

ROB REILLY: Did they also present her with the homeless wino who will be peeing on her star in the upcoming weeks?

CODE: First off Halle Berry is so 2003. Now it’s all about Salma Hayek. If I had time for a girl (which I don’t because I’m fighting evil day and night) I would give her a call. You know now that I think of it, maybe I’m working to hard…

ROB REILLY: Honestly, is there nothing this man won’t do to make a buck!? I remember a time when musicians were considered legendary because they wrote kick ass tunes, not because everything they do has to be a media event. I hope he loses to a 6 year-old kid who doesn’t know who he is. HAHA!

CODE: The only game worth playing on X-Box right now is Gears Of War. Now when Gene Simmons joins that band, I’ll be impressed.

BOMB QUEEN: Are we done here? All this talk about Simmons got me worked up. Just thinking about that tongue is… oh, yeah… uhm, video games, right! While Guitar Hero is a hot seller, it’s banned in my city. Nothing with “hero” in the title is sold under my dictatorship. But I admit… I’ve played the game myself and if I had the time I’d enter that contest and show Simmons how I finger my strut– if you catch my drift.

BOMB QUEEN is a super villain who controls an east coast city with deadly force, yet her citizens love her for it. Crime is legal, but only within the city limits as agreed with the government. [www.comicspace.com/jimmykitty/]

CODE (the only name he knows) woke up one morning in a luxury apartment with no memory of his past. No memory of his past but an awareness of incredible physical abilities and resources. Having these abilities and resources gives him little reprieve from what else
he knew — that until he defeated evil in the form of Steven Dark he would face a daily torment and the possible lost of his soul. [theguardianline.com]

ROB REILLY is a self-loathing, self-published comic artist struggling to get ahead in the industry. You’ll be him someday. [www.skatoonproductions.blogspot.com]

Skrap (aka skarzy, aka what you lookin at!) is the joke cracking, 5 foot bodyguard of Empire city’s most gifted emcee, Young Blak. Crew affiliation: G-pak. Weapon: razor blade (tucked in his mouth). Book: BLOKHEDZ! [www.blokhedz.tv]