Normally, I could care less about Hollywood remakes, that is to say I don’t cry foul like some people who take certain films as being so sacred that they should never be revisited. The first remake I personally took to heart would probably have to be The Hitcher. With 80s horror almost completely dominated by masked slashers and disfigured monster men chasing virginal beckys through the suburbs, The Hitcher stood out with its average joe protagonist, played by C. Thomas Howell, and fairly normal-looking psycho hitchiker, played by Rutger Hauer. It was Man vs. Man on the open road. The Hitcher was a full-on suspense thriller, and understood that some things are better left to the imagination.

Now, the thing about remakes is that you have to really strike a balance between preserving what worked about the original film, while making the necessary additions to make it stand out on its own. The recent remake of The Hitcher makes no attempt at doing this. Nothing is left to the imagination, and what was once an edge-of-your-seat thriller, is now your run-of-the-mill slasher film with a female lead taking on a male oppressor. And I assure you, nothing is more laughable than a size-one pop tart like Sophia Bush pumping out rounds from a crowd-pleaser shotgun.

Granted, in general, Hollywood has long since crossed the line, forsaking creativity and originality at almost every turn. But I always look on the bright side. There are still good films to be seen, and even remakes like The Ring and The Departed have proven that you can make great films and separate the fact that they’re remakes. But now I fear they’ve REALLY crossed the line now(at least with me, anyway)! Apparently, Dark Horizons has a source in Canada claiming that film scouts are checking out high schools for a remake of Teen Wolf!!! Forget the fact that Tom Welling may continue to lose his Smallville cred by taking a role in this film, but it seems filmmakers are making The Hitcher’s mistake, and making the main character female!! No, I am not being sexist, I’m just aknowledging what the original film was; it relied heavily on the main character being male, and everything a teenage male has to deal with in high school. Too many variables would have to change at the cost of the story by making the character female. Honestly, think about classic moments in that film (if you haven’t seen Teen Wolf, go slap yourself!), now think about them playing out with the genders reversed.

While I wouldn’t put it past some studio to put this into production, I can take some comfort in knowing that nothing has been officially announced, yet. If we’re lucky, this will go the way of the Revenge of the Nerds remake and hit some proverbial wall that halts production indefinitely. So Hollywood, remake all the 70s slasher films you want, rape j-horror films from two years ago to your hearts’ content, I don’t care! But for the love of God, LEAVE MY 80s MOVIES ALONE!!